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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ignore this? Caught having sex.

197 replies

Mortifiedhere · 03/08/2024 11:16

I’m mortified as I think my 14 year old son heard or even saw my husband and I having sex last night.

I’m not 100% sure though.

We had our windows open and I hadn’t realised our bedroom door had swung open in the breeze (we both thought door was firmly closed, bedroom is an L shape and you can’t see the door from the bed, we can’t add a lock as it’s a rental).

We were in the middle of it and heard the bathroom door close. It was after midnight so we thought our son would be fast asleep.

This morning my son seems grumpier than usual, although to be fair he is quite grumpy these days. Typical moody teen.

I don’t feel I can raise it, as I’m not positive he definitely heard/saw anything. Therefore AIBU to just ignore it if he doesn’t mention anything?

If he does mention it obviously I’ll apologise but I’m just mortified and worried we’ve scarred him for life.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you handle it? Argggghhhhhh

OP posts:
blueberryforest · 03/08/2024 14:11

Perhaps the only thing more mortifying that overhearing (or heaven forbid, glimpsing) your parents having a private moment in bed would be having to discuss it with them!

If you make an extra effort to keep him from hearing or seeing you in future, you'll have done enough.

Caerulea · 03/08/2024 14:19

If you makes you feel better...

The other day 15yo DS was helping me tidy under our bed & opened a box with.. Jfc.. A purple dildo in it.

We both laughed & then he promptly picked it up, walked out of the room brandishing it whilst shouting at 17yo DS 'IF I HAD TO SEE THIS THEN SO DO YOU!!' whilst I was shouting 'WELL IF YOU WILL GO INTO OTHER PPLS BOXES!'

I was fucking dying inside but dealt with it on the outside calmly & with humour. & DH was away working so I was on my own with this shit. 15yo ripped the piss out of me for two days.

HOWEVER I get your fear of them being aware of the actual act itself & I agree, I'd be really upset too. I'd not say anything & just be mindful in future making sure the door is secure.

Conkersinautumn · 03/08/2024 14:32

It's fine, the grown up thing is discretion.

PointsSouth · 03/08/2024 14:39

You don't sneak round landings at midnight. What a weird nosy kid.

Apparently you feel that failing to read the original post is no bar to being snide and unpleasant.

SaintHonoria · 03/08/2024 14:41

Riapia · 03/08/2024 13:42

It would be a great shock to a child of 14 to know that his parents have sex. He surely won’t have had any form of sex education at such a young age. He will have thought that his mum was being assaulted.

The poor child will be affected by this for the rest of his lifetime.

Op must complain to her child's school and demand sex education sex immediately!

MrBojangles1983 · 03/08/2024 14:41

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 03/08/2024 11:25

FFS if you have a teenage boy in the house, make sure the bedroom door is shut properly and wedge something against it, if you're gonna shag. No 14 year old boy needs to see that! Hmm

You wanna grow up… it’s not like they have walked in and shagged on his bedroom floor is it… the door had blown open properly while they were distracted!!!

OP nothing to apologise for!

MrBojangles1983 · 03/08/2024 14:44

Riapia · 03/08/2024 13:42

It would be a great shock to a child of 14 to know that his parents have sex. He surely won’t have had any form of sex education at such a young age. He will have thought that his mum was being assaulted.

The poor child will be affected by this for the rest of his lifetime.

I 💯 disagree… my kids both had sex ed in year 8 so 13/14

TroysMammy · 03/08/2024 14:52

Don't say anything just cross your fingers he doesn't tell his mates and hope he hasn't seen Kevin and Perry Go Large and got ideas. 😂

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 03/08/2024 14:55

Riapia · 03/08/2024 13:42

It would be a great shock to a child of 14 to know that his parents have sex. He surely won’t have had any form of sex education at such a young age. He will have thought that his mum was being assaulted.

The poor child will be affected by this for the rest of his lifetime.

😂😂

Every 14 year old knows what sex is.

TroysMammy · 03/08/2024 14:56

I also heard my parents having sex when I was about 14 and I just discussed it with my friend. She said had heard her parents having sex too. Neither of us needed therapy.

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 14:58

Your overreacting, don't apologise and you haven't traumatised him, at 14 there's a good chance he's sexualy active himself. Just don't say anything, people have sex it's really not a big deal

Lilacapples · 03/08/2024 15:00

I understand where you’re coming from and I just wouldn’t mention it. I heard my parents when younger, it hasn’t scarred me for life.

Lilacapples · 03/08/2024 15:01

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 14:58

Your overreacting, don't apologise and you haven't traumatised him, at 14 there's a good chance he's sexualy active himself. Just don't say anything, people have sex it's really not a big deal

A good chance he’s sexually actively at 14? Really?

Lilacapples · 03/08/2024 15:01

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 03/08/2024 14:55

😂😂

Every 14 year old knows what sex is.

Show quote history

I think you completely missed the sarcasm there 😂

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 03/08/2024 15:03

Meh......if it makes you feel any better I'm 99. 99999999 my poor, long suffering brother in law saw me doing a naked dash to the loo around 3 am a few weeks back. To top it all I was using my phone as a torch just to highlight my flabby glory just that little bit more. 😬

Mortifying as it is its only a body. And we all have one.

gamerchick · 03/08/2024 15:05

Put a little bolt on your door.

gamerchick · 03/08/2024 15:07

Riapia · 03/08/2024 13:42

It would be a great shock to a child of 14 to know that his parents have sex. He surely won’t have had any form of sex education at such a young age. He will have thought that his mum was being assaulted.

The poor child will be affected by this for the rest of his lifetime.

Get a bloody grip. Hmm

tribalmango · 03/08/2024 15:08

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 14:58

Your overreacting, don't apologise and you haven't traumatised him, at 14 there's a good chance he's sexualy active himself. Just don't say anything, people have sex it's really not a big deal

Not at 14, no.
More like 16 or 17.
There's a chance obviously but not a good chance.

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 15:17

tribalmango · 03/08/2024 15:08

Not at 14, no.
More like 16 or 17.
There's a chance obviously but not a good chance.

Show quote history

I don't know if your in denial but a lot of 14 years old are having sex. If you think back to when you was a teenager I bet you where to or at least several of your friends

Calliopespa · 03/08/2024 15:21

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 03/08/2024 11:25

FFS if you have a teenage boy in the house, make sure the bedroom door is shut properly and wedge something against it, if you're gonna shag. No 14 year old boy needs to see that! Hmm

Mistakes happen though. I agree op: as natural as it is, it isn’t something a 14 year old wants to be confronted with and all the super chill posters feigning confusion are being disingenuous.

I wouldn’t apologise though. You’ve done nothing wrong and it will only focus him on it even more.

tribalmango · 03/08/2024 15:22

Differentstarts · 03/08/2024 15:17

I don't know if your in denial but a lot of 14 years old are having sex. If you think back to when you was a teenager I bet you where to or at least several of your friends

Show quote history

No, I'm not in denial. I am saying that the statement "at 14 there's a good chance he's sexually active himself." is not true.

I would say "there's a possibility" or "there's a chance", not a good chance.

Calliopespa · 03/08/2024 15:28

tribalmango · 03/08/2024 15:22

No, I'm not in denial. I am saying that the statement "at 14 there's a good chance he's sexually active himself." is not true.

I would say "there's a possibility" or "there's a chance", not a good chance.

Show quote history

This is clearly something thing that differs across social groups. Some 14 year olds would still be several years away from intercourse.
And 14 year olds all wipe their butts. Perfectly natural and healthy. Doesn’t mean they want to see their mum do it so I’m not even sure what the reasoning is in saying they might be having sex.

DoAClassicCamel · 03/08/2024 15:36

I heard my parents when I was about 14/15 and if one of them had then tried to talk to me about it I would have been mortified all over again.

LaMadameCholet · 03/08/2024 15:39

No need to apologise. I wouldn’t bring it up unless he does, he might not have heard anything and if he did you run the risk of mortifying him twice.

Bit cringey but there are worse things for him to hear, I’d rather a kid heard affection than rowing or illness.

TempestTost · 03/08/2024 15:39

I am pretty sure a significant % of people have heard their parents have ex at some point, or walked in on it, without it affecting their development in any important way.