To not know when to just go 'fuck it, sack off the holiday and go home'

[kaleidoscoperuby]

We're on a UK holiday and DS14 is just vile. He had no complaints about the planned holiday when it was booked 18 months ago but has been saying recently he didn't want to go. We offered for him to stay with GPs, he said no. He's angry, rude, uncommunicative, storming ahead, tutting, sighing - generally has a face like thunder.

He's autistic but well travelled and we're pretty good at dealing with his needs - was all factored in.

We're away for 10 days with a week to go. I'm just thinking we should go home and be done. But it seems like such a waste. We're many hours from home.

When do you give up and go home? Is that just teaching them that behaving badly = getting what they want?

When do you stop travelling as teens are so vile? We have quite a few abroad trips planned over the next few years but I'm considering cancelling them all but I really love travelling (and we won't be able to leave DS at home for many years due to his needs so no holidays for anyone).

You obviously missed this too @Milliemoo6-

Taking him to the GPs isn't possible. It's way too far (we'd just go home if we were going to go that far) and they aren't just around to pick up the piece's. A planned trip maybe but not this.

I think you can read OP's comments without having to scroll through everything. Just press 'SeeAll' . Not sure if that's available on all devices though...

Not all info is availlable in the OP, it's very useful to read more if you can.

In general autism is classed as a disabilty, though you're right that not all autistics consider themselves to be disabled.

Sure, nobody's stopping you from jumping into a long running conversation and blurting out your thoughts without first taking the time to absorb what's already been said. But don't get offended if people then point out that your contribution isn't relevant or useful.

That's simply your opinion. And seeing as you're not the person asking for advice then it's also totally irrelevant. It's not a long running conversation, the original post asks a question which I provided an answer to. If you don't think my comment is helpful then just scroll on past. No need for you to assume the thoughts and feelings of the OP.

But your suggestion (send him to grandparents if he didn't cop on) was something the OP had already adamantly ruled out @Milliemoo6.

So how could the OP have possibly found it useful? It's really not much of a leap to think she didn't.

You also seemed to completely ignore the fact that her DS is autistic, information that was included in the first post. Needs were mentioned. This surely should have indicated that there was at least a possibility that the situation was more complicated than the usual teen self absorption?

I wouldn't usually say the above to you, but it bugs me when people go all defensive and rude instead of simply saying, oops, sorry, I missed that.

Bloody hell. This could be me writing this! DS is 19 and used to be the same. Getting better now but it's soooo hard living with ASD kids.

However don't lose hope. DS now at uni albeit that he chose a local one and travels each day. I NEVER thought he'd get there.

As for your holiday, I'd say persevere for another few days and if it doesn't improve go home.

I feel for you but he'll get better as he gets older. Hang in there

I didn't miss it, I based my response on the original post, as have most people. Nothing wrong with that. I also didn't miss that the son is autistic or suggest it's not more complicated, of course it is. You'd have to be stupid to think that, and I'm definitely not that. I'll refer to my previous point again, which you seem to have missed, if you don't think my comment is useful then just scroll on past, it wasn't meant for you and therefore your thoughts and feelings about it are irrelevant.

No thanks we’ll pull you up on it as we can and posters do all the time when posts are unhelpful and also show ignorance as regards the subject matter of the thread as a whole.

Its a forum.

I really couldn't care less what you think, so you crack on.

I didn't miss it, I based my response on the original post, as have most people. Nothing wrong with that.
You're saying you didn't miss OP's further posts but you just decided to ignore them? But why on earth would you do that? Surely, that's a very unhelpful approach to take.

I also didn't miss that the son is autistic or suggest it's not more complicated, of course it is. You'd have to be stupid to think that, and I'm definitely not that.
I didn't say you missed that OP's DS was autistic, I said you ignored it. You didn't address it. You didn't, in fact, suggest it was more a complicated situation when you replied to OP.

I'll refer to my previous point again, which you seem to have missed, if you don't think my comment is useful then just scroll on past, it wasn't meant for you and therefore your thoughts and feelings about it are irrelevant.
No, I didn't miss that (somewhat aggressive) point. I don't want to scroll on though. More useful to give feedback I hope.

Useful for who?! I think the only one funding your obsession with picking apart my comments 'useful' is you. Do you not have any actual real life living to do?

Useful for you if you'd listen @Milliemoo6, but sadly it seems you won't.

Useful for you maybe, but I'm not here to make you feel important so just give it a rest with the self-righteousness. If the OP finds my comment helpful then great, if not she's free to totally ignore it, as are you.

@Milliemoo6 what is wrong with you?? You can’t be bothered to even read all OP’s posts (which is very quick and easy to do), then jump in with stupid irrelevant information because you couldn’t be bothered to do this - then you start attacking other posters 🤷‍♀️ just know when you’re beat and leave the thread. Your constant bickering is not wanted nor helpful to the thread or OP at all.

@Milliemoo6 I'd have given it a rest a lot sooner if you'd actually listen to what people are saying!😉

It's really interesting that you view it that way. If you had bothered to read all the comments then you would see that no where have I 'attacked' other posters, and the so called 'bickering' is created by multiple people, not just me. One can't bicker with themselves can they. Are you the OP? Do you know them? If not, then your opinion on what is helpful or needed is also irrelevant. What YOU are doing my getting involved in something that is nothing to do with you is turning this into an example of bullying. By commenting when it was totally uneccesary, you are escalating the situation and increasing the level of conflict - how exactly do you think you're helping here?

Im sorry you're struggling.
Having autistic kids on holiday is a challenge and a half. We managed by having a routine. Every day some parts the same, some parts different.

Typical day was : breakfast, go out and do / see something for 3 hours. Lunch. Two hours to yourself. Swimming. Two hours to yourself. Dinner in our out. Short local walk or games. Quiet time , Bed.
Enough variation to see an area and do things but everybody knowing there's a rest and some decompression time coming up.
We did always have to book somewhere very carefully and it had to have a pool for years because all day out was always too much. And of course your boy will not like the same things as ours did but I think it was the routine and known expectations which made it work.

Some holidays we even ate at the same restaurant every night so it was one less thing to deal with. I know some people wouldn't find it a fab holiday but within that sort of routine we managed two kids in some amazing places.

I really feel for you. Its not easy to have all the burden of expectations on you to make it work x

Why is it so important to you that a total stranger 'listens' to you? You don't know me. You don't know anything about my life, my background, if I have children, if I am ND or my children are, literally nothing. So just give it a rest. Everything isn't all about you.

I’m commenting towards you because you are completely derailing the thread just to argue and bicker. There’s really no need … why do you want to continue going on and on and on just to continue fighting with others? Clearly you have something missing in your life that you just need to have the last word on a thread you’re not even interested in 🤷‍♀️

I have nothing missing in my life and it's not about having the last word. I am simply responding to people who are making incorrect accusations towards me. Why are you not also telling them to stop fighting? Why are you adding fuel to the fire by doing the exact same thing? It's not just me 'derailing' the thread is it. Now its also you.

@Milliemoo6 and your comment Also, having autism is not the same as being disabled, is untrue and offensive. On that comment alone you should just leave the thread.

Why is it untrue and offensive? Explain. I'd love to hear this.

You are not worth any words of explanation. Hopefully you will be seen for what you are and prevented from going any further.

I have literally no idea what that means. Seen for what I am? What is that? And going further where exactly?

@Milliemoo6 - if you had read as far as the OP’s second post, you would have seen this, and would not have made yourself look foolish by patronising me.

In case you didn’t know, you can click on “See all” under an OP, and see the OP’s posts. That prevents you missing additional information that might inform your posts.

Thanks for your unwanted opinion. I think the only person that's being patronising is you.