Huw Edwards case - the impact on family

[therunningman]

Spare a thought for Huw Edwards family today. They must be going through hell and feeling deeply conflicted right now. This is something that will reverberate through their lives for years to come. And being such a public figure, impossible to forget or box away as a "family secret" (yes, every family has them) in the future.

I write from bitter experience. Some years ago my dad was similarly prosecuted and pleaded guilty. Completely out of character and out of the blue. Outcome was some sort of supervision order. No custodial or suspended sentence.

Fast forward today and my wife refuses to have anything to do with my parents, they are persona non grata to her, completely. On the other hand I refused to "cancel" my dad just like that. This has placed a huge strain on our marriage and mental health at times. To compound difficulties my sibling and their partner found a way to forgive. They remain very close to my parents and holiday with them and do all the usual family stuff Christmas etc. regularly. Watching that is very hard for me. (You'll notice I've written parents, yes they remained together.)

It's all too easy to join a braying mob ("peado!") but very very difficult for close family to navigate. There is no right or wrong answer and certainly no guidebook.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

There is no greater test of your marriage than that (or indeed your relationship with you in-laws), trust me.

Sorry to hear that through sexually abusing children, your father has put you and your mother in an impossible situation. I do hope your father is jailed - that’s what he deserves - but unlikely to happen. I hope you and your mum get the support you both need.

However, what you describe is quite different to OP’s who talks about holidays and Christmases with a convicted paedophile. I presume OP has primary aged children, as he specifically mentions this age group. Does he expect them to spend holidays and Christmases with a paedophile, too? Nice.

Not a word about the children, Not a word.

Nobody is part of a ‘braying mob’ because they cut off someone who supports, encourages and enjoys the sexual assault of children,

'The court heard how the presenter had been involved in online chat with an adult man on WhatsApp between December 2020 and August 2021, who sent him 377 sexual images. 41 of these were the indecent images of children.'

From

Your father should be jailed if found guilty - his personal circumstances should have no bearing on his sentence. The abuse of the children involved is no less because he has a family to support (like most of us).

Anything less is appeasement.

99.99% of people do indeed know what they would do in this situation. Cut the heinous person off.

Your mum will be entitled to help from the state if she lives alone and cannot work or support herself. None of this is ever a reason to minimise a sentence for a horrific paedophile.

It’s horrific for the family I would imagine, but hell would freeze over before I would stay with a paedophile partner or have a paedophile parent anywhere near me, my home or my children.

’out of character’ ‘out of the blue’ etc are meaningless phrases that just mean WASN’T CAUGHT YET that’s all.
I don’t believe for a second that Huw Edward’s hadn’t viewed other images and videos of children being raped before - this is just what they’ve found on his phone now.

Anyone who believes it was a one off, or it wasn’t only with this other person this time - naive beyond believe.

And as for foundation OP - It’s a shame that your mother didn’t have enough respect to leave your paedophile father.

@beeloubee your father being a paedophile may be difficult in your mother - but he needs to go to prison.
And I hope for the sake of the children that he enjoyed watching being sexually abused by adults that the judge ignores any pleas for leniency and throws the book at him.

For whatever reason these men are deterred by the suffering of the children in these videos and images, so the ONLY way to try to deter them is to make the consequences to them men life changing.
Not as life changing as being abused and raped by men like the children in the images unfortunately but locking up paedos is at least a step in the right direction.

@beeloubee your father is a shitbag of the highest order. But I suspect you know that.
CHILDREN being RAPED.
If you are ones of those - ‘he didn’t mean it’ ‘he’s not done it before’ ‘he just came across it’ ‘ he didn’t really ‘make’ anything just kept a photo:video on his phone’ apologist - just remind yourself that he got sexually pleasure from watching children being raped and abused and is a customer that these abusers are catering to.

I’ll happily hold my hands up and say that I’ll always judge anyone who sticks by a filthy fucking paedophile. No exceptions. Doesn’t matter how poorly the wife is, I’m afraid. If you’ve contributed to the life ruining sexual abuse of a child, you deserve to rot in jail for eternity and if you’re relying on the support of that nonce to live, tough. There are literally no exceptions to this.

@therunningman @beeloubee

I have just heard an expert on the radio talking about child sexual abuse videos - some 30min long - and what he remembers when he wakes in the middle of the night are the screams of the children.
Just think about that.

Edwards behaviour was not out of the blue, it was part of a clearly evident pattern of deviant behaviour which he conducted both on line and in real life. This was likely covered up and tolerated by friends, family and colleagues for years, perhaps decades.

I have no sympathy for the people who provide cover for men like Huw Edwards just so they can have an easier life.

I know someone in a similar situation to your wife and unfortunately they continue to have a close relationship with their ILs - seeing them regularly, having their children around them, having them house sit. I find it sickening, and OP I hope you can see the vast majority of people do.

They people I know continue to act like everything is normal and it never happened. The girls who were harmed don't have this luxury. Neither do their parents. I remind myself of it all the time when I see pictures of normal family gatherings.

When you feel frustrated that you don't have a 'normal' family place blame where it lies - your father and your family who aren't doing the right thing.

This has actually made me feel sick.

How can ANYONE try to say that it’s not as simple as it sounds; how could you ever have anything to do with anyone who has done this, regardless of who they are, and how dependent their family is

This is a sensible post. The blame lies with your father.

The family I know continue to associate with the paedophile under the guise of 'rehabilitation'. I think it's more convenient for them to pretend nothing has happened. I know they blame the victims for coming forward. OP - make sure you take a good hard look at the attitudes underlying the family holidays etc.

The only thing that would stop me divorcing my husband under these circumstances is having full access to my children at all times.

I also know someone who works to catch these abusers, mainly the people who make the abuse videos - she rarely talks about it but the one thing she did say once about it was that the children are in absolute distress, crying, begging, screaming etc
She thinks most people think it looks like adult pornography where the people
are acting.
I don’t know how she does her job, she has no kids perhaps that helps, but thanks for we have people like her willing to work for the agencies trying to stop this vile, vile trade.

I'm sorry for the situation your mum is in but it cannot ever be a reason to keep child abusers out of prison. Children have been abused, your father has been part of that and he needs to be dealt with by the law accordingly. The fact your mum needs support or you are ill is completely irrelevant to that. There is support for your mum from social services should she need it.

I'm quite surprised reading some of the small number of posts on here. I always feel about child abuse and those that commit it as I do about murder. There's no grey area for me about it. As a parent, it's completely unthinkable for my child to have to suffer it and I hold no sympathy or empathy for those that commit it or take part in it. I do for their families but not for them and think prison is the only safe place for them.

I find it difficult just even reading posts that detail children being in distress and screaming. How could anyone even try to defend someone who takes pleasure in watching that?

It’s your choice to forgive your father and I can understand why you might. I cannot understand why you are angry at your wife for not wanting anything to do with him. He isn’t her father. He is a man who did a truly repellent thing that indicates a sexual attraction to children
@KreedKafer
The op is angry with his wife for having opinions of her own rather than obeying him by agreeing with him. This makes him look weak (because he is not able to control and dominate his wife) it's primitive tribal behaviour related to the need to preserve the families honor by preserving the reputation of the elders no matter what.

People seem to forget that the family of abusers are victims, too - even if they weren't abused themselves (I am not talking about people who deny obvious evidence of abuse and not report it or gaslight the victims). I don't think anyone is saying that children shouldn't be kept away from child abusers (at least I didn't interpret OPs post in this way).

It is indeed complicated especially when the person hid their true personality. You end up grieving the person you thought you knew. It's easy to say "your moral compass" should guide you and you should cut the person off. Especially if you were an abuse victim yourself and have children you need to safeguard.

The comments here do make light of the complexity of human relationships however and as mothers I can understand why this is a sensitive area. I understand anyone who would cut off relationships with a CSA full stop. But to call someone an enabler because they still have some form of contact, no matter how little, lacks empathy (ironically). It doesn't take away from the horrible abuse these children have suffered. This isn't a competition of suffering. But some people can acknowledge the complexity of human relationships without allowing the hatred for these acts to cloud their vision - namely that the persons who were closely related to the perpetrator may grieve the old relationship they had and struggle with their emotions.

It's also much easier to cut someone off you never had a deep relationship with anyway. I wonder what would happen if it wasn't the creepy uncle or the dad you are already half estranged from that commited those acts but your closest friend or your mum who you always had a very close relationship with?

You can have empathy for these children without calling someone disgusting who may struggle to come to terms with the what the person did. In my experience people can be in denial especially if they themselves cannot comprehend an act like this.

We all are in denial about many things. We all still eat meat while ignoring the abuse that's going on in slaughter houses (no, I'm not a vegan - but I can appreciate that we are all a bit hypocritical in this area)

I also think the way we as a society go about it only makes CSA more common. I don't feel sorry for abusers but I can also see very little helpful prevention programs - vilifying rarely works. There are no programs for people who haven't offended yet, only some charities for offenders. But at that point the horse has already bolted. It may feel good as a mum to go on a rampage against CSA's but as a society we need to do much more to prevent CSA from happening in the first place. Not being able to talk about it, even with a therapist because they can report you to the police just for having those feelings, isn't helping anyone. Least of all vulnerable children.

If it was all so straight forward as everyone here seems to be implying, other countries wouldn't actively be working on prevention strategies.

Excellent, sensible post. Thank you.

I agree with you OP obviously no sympathy should be garnered for the perpetrator but it it's awful for the wife and his kids for whom he is still their dad. Once during a period of training I spent time in a hostel which at the time was housing the partner and children of a now well known paedophile. The impact the whole thing had on them was horrendous. They lost everything because whilst the perpetrator was in prison people took it upon themselves to terrorise the rest of the family, trying to light their house on fire, bricks through the window graffiti etc it was not safe for them even though they were innocent of any wrong doing. They were stuck in a tiny one room bedsit in the hostel, kids were frightened and anxious. Huw Edward's families entire lives has just completely fallen apart in a massively public way they must be devastated.

Completely agree with this

Excellent, sensible post. Thank you.

Another fucked up post you mean. Another one who could think of staying in contact with someone who gets off on sexually abusing children you mean....all because dad, brother, BIL or whoever was ok with you. It's sick

I think most of us would have a lot of sympathy for the families, but not if they stayed in touch with someone who liked child sexual abuse. If they stay in touch/support the child abuser, all sympathy is gone for most of us.

Do you really have zero comprehension over the turmoil that families experience when something like this blows up their lives?

I'm not saying they should or they shouldn't be in contact. That's for families who are affected to decide. So long as any children are protected and not in contact whatsoever with the offender, I won't condemn anyone for how they decide to proceed.

Obviously I am not minimising the dreadful effect this sordid criminal's behaviour has had. The trauma for HE's family is real though too. This is their dad, pillar of society, and he's been their dad all their lives. And the wife who's shared her life with him for over 30 years. It's unimaginable, whatever you say.

I would cut off any family member who did this. I don't care who they are.

A person who masturbates to images of children being abused is not someone I want anywhere near me or my kids.

people aren’t saying they don’t have sympathy for the family members of dirty perverts. They are saying they don’t understand how someone could still want to maintain a relationship with someone who did such unspeakable things.

I have complete sympathy for any wife, child or parent who finds out their husband, father or child is a dirty pervert who gets off on seeing innocent children being sexually abused however I do NOT agree with anyone keeping a relationship with someone once knowing they’ve done this.