Huw Edwards case - the impact on family

[therunningman]

Spare a thought for Huw Edwards family today. They must be going through hell and feeling deeply conflicted right now. This is something that will reverberate through their lives for years to come. And being such a public figure, impossible to forget or box away as a "family secret" (yes, every family has them) in the future.

I write from bitter experience. Some years ago my dad was similarly prosecuted and pleaded guilty. Completely out of character and out of the blue. Outcome was some sort of supervision order. No custodial or suspended sentence.

Fast forward today and my wife refuses to have anything to do with my parents, they are persona non grata to her, completely. On the other hand I refused to "cancel" my dad just like that. This has placed a huge strain on our marriage and mental health at times. To compound difficulties my sibling and their partner found a way to forgive. They remain very close to my parents and holiday with them and do all the usual family stuff Christmas etc. regularly. Watching that is very hard for me. (You'll notice I've written parents, yes they remained together.)

It's all too easy to join a braying mob ("peado!") but very very difficult for close family to navigate. There is no right or wrong answer and certainly no guidebook.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

There is no greater test of your marriage than that (or indeed your relationship with you in-laws), trust me.

Cut them out of my life, and while I would understand that my partner might be conflicted I would hope that they would do the same. People like that do not change, they do not think they are doing wrong, they are only sorry that they have been caught. I agree it must be devastating for the family and I really feel for them, the horror and the shame must be awful. You lose your past too when you learn who they truly are and you must look back on so much and see it though a whole different lense

What sort of bs is this? 😡
Delete your post and your account.
Run along now.

I would not be able to reintegrate someone in my family who I knew had sexually abused children, sorry. I understand it’s your biological father but it would be a hard line from me.

Nope. I'm with your wife here. I would have no contact with my dad or FIL (or anyone!) if they were a sex offender. No way. They would not see my kids ever again. It is as simple as that to me.

I know of a similar situation where the guy was not exactly a paedo, but got caught doing weird stuff (think filming women undressing etc), and he was totally shunned. His wife divorced him and his family don't talk to him (apart from his son, but he doesn't have kids yet so I don't know if things would be different if he had a daughter, for example). I thought that was fair too.

There's no such thing as child pornography. Please do not use that minimising language.

It is images of children being sexually abused.

He was in a paedophile WhatsApp chat group. The images didn't just happen upon him.

Apologies. Was not my intention.

Useful article, which I’ve posted on other threads. Really clear about the dangers of WhatsApp etc.

https://apple.news/A01ZKhm_kTg6trWH2DVB1LA

If a man gets off on seeing children aged 9 or under being raped then I would cut him out of my life completely. I would do it without hesitation.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

If my father in law was a convicted pedophile and I knew before I was married and my potential husband still had contact with him, I would break up.

If it happened after we were married and my husband chose having a relationship with him, over me and our children, I would divorce him and not allow my kids to be around the grandparents.

I read this, too. It was printed before the HW story broke, I think. I was disturbed by the complete lack of remorse and insight into the damage this man had done to his wife, in his account. I was also disturbed by the fact that they seem to have a 'normal' sex life now and he lives with his wife and son. He's sad that his life has changed so much for the worse - of course - but doesn't seem to take any responsibility for it. I find it extraordinary that his wife took him back and has carried on with a 'normal' family life with him and her son. She even said that she felt it quite cruel of her to have told him about the impact such images have on the victims!

Op your father is a despicable man who has chosen his behaviour, it didn’t just happen to him.

if I were your wife I would refuse to see him as well.

@therunningman
You are an apologist for a paedophile.
Out of character = he went to great lengths to conceal it (most of them do)

I'll reframe your question:

If your wife's dad was a paedo, what would you do? Truthfully.

Me: I would cut contact with my own family. If for any reason I chose to overlook it (which I'm confident i wouldn't but someone is bound to say I wouldn't know until it happens) then there is zero, absolutely fucking zero, chance I'd let my child have any contact with that relative. I would give high level detail that grandad did a very bad and unforgivable thing and hurt a child deliberately and my job as a mum is to keep you safe.

Anything less from DH and I'd not see him the same way. I might consider staying with him but only to mitigate the risk of his dodgy dad I.e. I would have more power to keep my child away. But DH would be on the same page.

Your dad has caused a catastrophe. It's normal to mourn and want to sweep it away. But it doesn't change the choices he made and the risk he took. And the risks your family continue to take to put him at position 1. Consider this: if your mum had dumped your dad, you'd still have family Xmas with her and your siblings. But no, dad is happy to let your wife be the bad guy to keep your child safe. You are paying for his sins and he is ok with that. Doesn't that make you angry?

They don't care about their families otherwise they wouldn't do it.

Not on ly is he in court, his wife has divorced him?
Was it worth it?

The love parents have for their children and instinct to protect them should outweigh everything even a marriage.
Your wife didn't create any of this.

I have 2 brothers, 4 bil a fil, and a whole gang of uncles (father is deceased) and I wouldn’t even have to think for a second before cutting them right out of my life if I found out they were paedophiles. It would be awful, but not as horrifically awful as seeing them again. It was only out of the blue to you because most men don’t advertise their paraphillic criminality to their close family. He lied about who he was - that’s why you think it’s out of character - it’s absolutely in character but not the bit he let you see. My own children are my first thought in everything I do and I wouldn’t knowingly expose them to a sex offender, nor would I send them the message that raping kids and babies, or getting your rocks off on the pictures and videos taken while other men rape kids and babies, is fine so long as you are nice in other ways. “Don’t worry about grandad wanking to a video of a 7yo being raped, sweetheart, he’s going to help us move that wardrobe at the weekend and he does a cracking roast pork!”. No. Most violent men are perfectly fine some of the time. After every family annihilation we get endless people queuing up to say what a great guy the murderer was. Where are you drawing the line on how sexually violent someone has to be before you should protect your dc from them? After my own kids my main job in life is safeguarding children. That is what every adult is supposed to do. Just because your Dad didn’t rape your kids doesn’t mean his offences are ok. We, as a population, can’t safeguard children when constant excuses are made for these offenders. This is out of character…this “happened” to him…It’s all bullshit. Any parent who knowingly lets their child associate with a known paedophile should have their child removed.
Watching videos of rape and sexual abuse isn’t a victimless crime. Imagine you were raped and 1000s of men were watching - some on the livestream and some later on the videos - over and over. Are you chill with that? How fucked up do you have to be to think that is ok? What do you think has happened to the children your dad abused? If your dad had an ounce of decency he would slink away instead of parading about with his wife as a shield lamenting about what an evil bitch his DIL is for not even letting him have access to some real, live children. Your poor bloody wife.

Let's have another hypothetical. Say your kids are sexually abused. Why would they tell you knowing you let grandad get away with it. Why would you stand up for your own?

Or would you just hope that if your dad touched your kids that they wouldn't put you in the awfully awkward situation of saying anything. Just get raped quietly like good little children so daddy isn't inconvenienced.

My God, it's all very poor me. As for his wife, she works in safeguarding ffs Talk about minimising his crimes and as for the mollycoddling of him after he was caught, no words really

Well said @Zwicky

I know someone who cut her father out of her life - and her children's lives - for a similar crime. I've always admired her for her decision. It wasn't the easy one and she was blacklisted by the family members who chose to remain (in their eyes) loyal and loving offspring.

She saw through all that bullshit and realized the father/ grandfather had exerted a huge amount of control over the family all their lives, meaning it was guaranteed to be well nigh impossible for the rest of the family to see him as he really was, a pervert and misogynist whose only interest was power, gaining it over others and using it. Sexual crimes and crimes involving sexual abuse, whether direct or indirect, are crimes revolving around power.

Nothing of this nature ever happens in a vacuum.

You hint at seeing your sibling's ongoing relationship with your enabler mother and criminal father and your mixed feelings. I think you need to examine how power works in your family who wields it, how it is established and maintained. You will need to delve deep into your childhood experiences to get to the bottom of your feelings about this.

As an aside, does your wife trust you to keep your children safe?

@Zwicky

Bloody well said!

Yes to this.

You may well find yourself on the receiving end of divorce papers the day your youngest child turns 18, OP.

You have sacrificed - and possibly will sacrifice in the future - so much for your father. This thing has damaged your marriage and your mental health. Why have you allowed this to happen? Was this man thinking of the impact on you when he committed his crime?

Is this true? I haven’t seen this anywhere else, just that he was whatsapping the one man who sent him images of kids. Still awful that he didnt report even if it’s that though.

Anyone got a link that has info about the whatsapp group?

His username "therunningman" seems apt then - plop and run!