Huw Edwards case - the impact on family

[therunningman]

Spare a thought for Huw Edwards family today. They must be going through hell and feeling deeply conflicted right now. This is something that will reverberate through their lives for years to come. And being such a public figure, impossible to forget or box away as a "family secret" (yes, every family has them) in the future.

I write from bitter experience. Some years ago my dad was similarly prosecuted and pleaded guilty. Completely out of character and out of the blue. Outcome was some sort of supervision order. No custodial or suspended sentence.

Fast forward today and my wife refuses to have anything to do with my parents, they are persona non grata to her, completely. On the other hand I refused to "cancel" my dad just like that. This has placed a huge strain on our marriage and mental health at times. To compound difficulties my sibling and their partner found a way to forgive. They remain very close to my parents and holiday with them and do all the usual family stuff Christmas etc. regularly. Watching that is very hard for me. (You'll notice I've written parents, yes they remained together.)

It's all too easy to join a braying mob ("peado!") but very very difficult for close family to navigate. There is no right or wrong answer and certainly no guidebook.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

There is no greater test of your marriage than that (or indeed your relationship with you in-laws), trust me.

who is to say who is right or wrong? oh I don’t know, how about the seven year old who was raped, had that rape recorded and then distributed to scum who get off on it?

That’s the material people like this are viewing. The emotions family or friends feel when they find out someone close to them has viewed this kind of material are complex and deeply traumatic to work through. But removing yourself from that individual is not and should not be something that needs discussed or thought about. It is black and white. anyone who thinks otherwise is a sympathiser in my view, and shame on them for it.

@Runnerinthenight paedophiles should be shunned and ostracised and by associating with them you are clearly supporting their actions because it's not a blip it's who they are as a person. As ingrained as their fingerprints.

The emotions family or friends feel when they find out someone close to them has viewed this kind of material are complex and deeply traumatic to work through. But removing yourself from that individual is not and should not be something that needs discussed or thought about. It is black and white. anyone who thinks otherwise is a sympathiser in my view, and shame on them for it.

Well said. I can sympathise with family who cut ties and are working through their feelings. It's awful for them. I will never sympathise with family who stick around someone who is interested in children being abused. Anyone who does is fucked up.

This.

No point in having a discussion with some of you. CBA.

Good. Off you go. It's disgusting to justify associating with child sex abusers for any reason. 👋

Happy flouncing @therunningman

You made your wife, the one holding the moral compass, the bad guy from the very onset.
Didn’t need to read your second post to know you haven’t any integrity. Lost interest fast.

So you are not replying and not showing any sympathy for the abused children either.
It’s all what about poor me.

This isn’t op. This is another paedophile apologist, entirely.

I would cut contact immediately with anyone who did this. In your wife's position, with you staying in contact, I would divorce you.

These things are as difficult or as complex as you choose to make them.

You do talk some shite.

@woodlanders you have your opinion I have mine, just because you don't agree it doesn't mean I can't disagree.
We in my eyes are weak, we look after these evil people too much, James bulgers killers, got an new identity and money, they took a life the should pay with theirs.
These pedos might not always kill but what they do is just as horrific, In my eyes they don't deserve to live, it's costing us money to keep them in prison a waste of money.
Maybe there wouldn't be so many stabbings if they fought they'd pay with their own lives.

The guidebook is called a moral compass.

You choose based on your moral compass whether to make your feelings on the rape of children known to the pedophile or you choose to play his dysfunctional family game for reasons you should discuss with a therapist.

You do talk some shite.

Try reading your own comments if you want to read shite @Runnerinthenight

How anyone could remain in contact with someone who has contributed to the sexual abuse of children, is quite beyond me. It is black and white in this situation. There’s no grey area. You’ve contributed to the lifelong misery of a child, you are no longer part of my life.

Ah jeez, really? Thank you for telling me! How naive of me to think that there couldn't possibly be more than one on a thread.

I know, absolutely unbelievable isn’t it.

Oh I think he was. He knew she’d be daft enough to stand by him.

@therunningman do you agree with your mother’s actions, as she has clearly stayed with him?
how does she justify this?

I read this and felt absolutely sick. What is wrong with you? Your father is a monster and you are making excuses for him. Saying things like "this happened to him" and "it was out of the blue". No. Your father is a very sick individual who gets sexually aroused watching videos of little boys and little girls being raped. He actually wanks to that. That's who he has always been. How can you even look at him? I'd wager that he molested you when you were little, and he has probably also molested your children, when they were too young to speak. I'm dumbfounded that your wife hasn't left you, given that you want to have contact with this monster. I could forgive murder before I could forgive paedophilia. It is the worst crime imaginable, those poor tiny children being tortured on film so that man can wank over it. And let's not forget, that little girls who are raped, often cannot have children when they grow up, because their insides have been ripped to shreds. People like your mother also make me sick. How can she sleep with a man who finds children sexually attractive? It would make every hair on my body stand on end. I wish I hadn't read this thread, I feel genuinely ill now.

I had no qualms whatsoever about opening this thread, and am not surprised or offended by the tirade of replies (I haven't read them all)

The absolute arrogance. So you ask a question, and a rather horrible one on a Mums forum, but you won't deign to read all the replies. What the actual fuck?

Some of them may want to shun him, some won't, and some will be rowing with their partners soon enough. Who here is to say which of them are right or wrong?

They are wrong. We are ALL telling you that, but hey, you're too important to read all the replies. Urgh. Your poor wife.

Some very judgemental posters here who have never found themselves in this situation and possibly couldn't know what they would do.

I'm in a similar situation with my dad who is facing court. I'm seriously sick, multiple spinal surgeries and still recovering from most recent one plus lots of other stuff going on. My mum relies on my dad. She's vulnerable, physically unwell and bipolar. She has no money herself and has been on benefits and high dose antidepressants for many years. She's been off trying to commit suicide for all these years and we had to get police to find her. She is dependent on my dad. If he gets sent away I don't know what will happen as I'm totally unable to help due to struggling to even stand at the moment. There's no support from social services or the system for people in this situation.

It is understandable that you have forgiven your father. It is not understandable that you think the rest of your family should.

I do feel sorry for Edwards’ family. I feel sorry for your family. But the only person who has done anything wrong here is your father. Not your wife. Your wife is not the one who has put this strain on your marriage and family relationships. Your father is.

It’s your choice to forgive your father and I can understand why you might. I cannot understand why you are angry at your wife for not wanting anything to do with him. He isn’t her father. He is a man who did a truly repellent thing that indicates a sexual attraction to children.

It is entirely understandable and sensible that your wife doesn’t want to go anywhere near him and doesn’t want your children anywhere near him.