Huw Edwards case - the impact on family

[therunningman]

Spare a thought for Huw Edwards family today. They must be going through hell and feeling deeply conflicted right now. This is something that will reverberate through their lives for years to come. And being such a public figure, impossible to forget or box away as a "family secret" (yes, every family has them) in the future.

I write from bitter experience. Some years ago my dad was similarly prosecuted and pleaded guilty. Completely out of character and out of the blue. Outcome was some sort of supervision order. No custodial or suspended sentence.

Fast forward today and my wife refuses to have anything to do with my parents, they are persona non grata to her, completely. On the other hand I refused to "cancel" my dad just like that. This has placed a huge strain on our marriage and mental health at times. To compound difficulties my sibling and their partner found a way to forgive. They remain very close to my parents and holiday with them and do all the usual family stuff Christmas etc. regularly. Watching that is very hard for me. (You'll notice I've written parents, yes they remained together.)

It's all too easy to join a braying mob ("peado!") but very very difficult for close family to navigate. There is no right or wrong answer and certainly no guidebook.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

There is no greater test of your marriage than that (or indeed your relationship with you in-laws), trust me.

I would not trust someone that could carry out such crimes to be anywhere near my children. Your wife is right. Sorry your father has put you through this.

Have people read the coverage from today that sets out what Huw Edwards actually did? The charge of "making images" always conjures up actually producing them, but it's a technical term linked to the images being on his phone. He was sent them by someone else, amongst other legal images of adults. He expressly told the other person multiple times not to send any underage photos and not to send him anything illegal. I'm not excusing what he did as some of the photos must have been obviously illegal material and he should have reported that once he saw them - but there isn't any suggestion that I've seen that he was actively seeking it out?

There is no greater test of your marriage than that

Didn’t test my marriage at all by the way. Given that neither of us are apologists for those involved in the sexual abuse of children, we were right on the same page.

Why did it test your marriage? Don’t you think your wife is making the right decision?

Love it when a man turns up to persuade us that another man’s abuse of children is oh so hard for him 🙄

Thank goodness your kids have one good parent.

Ha . He was chatting to a pedo for months

I can't believe how you talk about this. This is an example of your father's character, it's not out of character.

Don't fall for any rubbish about this bring a one off or a mistake. Your father is a pervert and your wife has the measure of him.

There is no happy family Christmas with a man like this, it's all pretence and lies.

No words.

If my FIL was a paedophile I would never see him again, and I would never allow my children to be anywhere near him.

I'd consider leaving my husband if he attempted to force any kind of relationship with him.

Oh and by the way there is a right and wrong way, your wife has picked the right one. Good for her.

i agree with the OP. My father in law was convicted for paedophilia. My wife doesn't believe it was true. Thankfully he got 10 years in prison and is not allowed contact with children when he was released after five years, but I did have a solicitor ready and was prepared to leave my wife and take the children if she allowed her father access to them.

Also. Anyone who stands by a pedo instantly sets off alarms for me.
I'd believe you were one as well. So I'd paint you all with the same brush.

If I had any indication at all that my FIL was sexually interested in children, I would break off contact. If my DH refused to, I would divorce him and do what I could to protect my children through legal process.

I get that abusers may have been abused themselves and may be perceived as living fine upstanding lives, apart from one slip up. However that slip up was probably fantasised about and acted out thousands of times in that person’s imagination. Likely they also had contact with practised abusers or accessed pornography which in itself is the product of criminal behaviour.

Sexual abuse of children is a crime is so awful that it breaks any relationship and those children involved will live with the consequences forever.

I do feel desperately sorry for Huw Edward’s family, who have done nothing wrong and will be affected by this forever.

I’d release a statement saying the family have cut him off as we are horrified by his actions.

Keeping a relationship with a paedophile is furthering abuse, it needs to be 100% shunned in society.

He expressly told the other person multiple times not to send any underage photos and not to send him anything illegal.

I'm fully aware of the charges he plead guilty to. And yes that's what he said. But what did he do? Did he inform the police immediately that some guy was sending him child abuse images so the police could investigate or did he keep quiet?

I feel for his family
I believe people downloading these images should get prison sentences.

And thonk its a pity there are so many adult men allive now meaning it is more common.

There are some crimes that are unforgivable. I think you’re incredibly lucky that your wife hasn’t given you an ultimatum of cutting your parents out of your life or your marriage.

I sincerely hope your father doesn’t have access to your children?

He received a Category A (penetrative assault) vide of a child aged between 7-9. Even after receiving that he continued to receive further images. There is no prospect he could have mistaken a child no older than 9 as being of the age of consent. Whatever messages he sent in an attempt to cover his back by pretending not to want anything illegal, he continued to engage with the man sending him images of very young children being raped.

Yes, he was actively seeking it out. He didn’t ‘accidentally’ receive an image. He was engaged in a WhatsApp conversation for months in which multiple images of the rape and sexual abuse of young children were exchanged.

Amen.

I think a lot of people decide that they cannot make a moral choice. They have invested too much in a person to protect their children. Unfortunately that means children are at risk. A lot of people cannot comprehend child abuse. Because the child do not have the words, or because they are young they will not be believed or no real change occurs because it suits the adult. A morally weak one.

This happened to my friend, grandfather rather than dad, he lived with my friend, past tense he was out by the end of the day, children come first. He died before it came to trial, took an overdose

'Completely out of character' my arse. He managed to hide his character.

I don't know what treatment is available to suppress such urges, but your father did not need to feed into the market for child abuse photos.

I'm with your wife and I'm surprised she didn't leave you. The fact you can't leave him makes me wonder whether there is coersive control over you too.

The tabloids say that Huw and his wife separated a while ago and that he has been living at another residence in London.
Not mini-mizing anything, just a response to a question.

Protecting children comes first and that should be a given for you.
Stopping generational trauma in its tracks.
Im sorry but I think you are looking for justification and I think you are being unfair to your wife who doesnt have your family ties. Your defence of him must make her feel very uncomfortable.

So the best I can say is, continue your relationship with your dad but under no circumstances should your wife and children be involved.
And you must not pressure them to reinforce your own conflictions.
Quite shocked that you would even consider it. I think you are being naive and unreasonable.

If it was my FIL he’d be dead to me and my children. If MIL stayed with him, she’d be dead to us as well.
I can’t control what DH would do, and if he wants to make occasional visits, that’s up to him. But not with the kids and he’s not sending any pictures or anything to him either. Grandparents have no immediate right to have access to their grandchildren, and a paedophile absolutely bloody not.

Obviously there is a sliding scale of offences, having a photo of a 17 year old, consensually taken (because the photographer believed they were older) is an offence but it certainly cannot be treated the same as under 13's who cannot legally consent or in between if coerced. The HE situation is at the most serious end of this spectrum it seems

I do spare a thought for Huw's wife (although I know she has left him now) and their 5 children. Must be hell for them

In your situation OP, I would take the stance of your wife however you would be free to still see your dad as I would understand that you would feel a whole range of conflicting emotions. Your father would not be seeing any children we might have though and I'd expect you to agree to that