New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I can't imagine people being unsympathetic to your situation. But it really depends where you end up working. There is no way you'll get off all the bank holiday shifts, so I would talk to your family in advance.

I would bring it up early, it won't be long before the Christmas request rotation gets pinned up.

There will be an ass on every ward about a new starter requesting Christmas off, ignore them!

No one will mind you having a Christmas off as long as it isnt every year and you take your turn in other years.

Thank you. Other bank Holidays won't be an issue as my childcare provider is open then.
I don't have any other family in this country - the one family member I have, is moving away in 10 days.

Do management take individual circumstances into account when sorting shift allocations?

Any family who can help ?

Can your Ex DH’s ‘twice a year’ include Christmas every other year. You could plan your work around it.

You can request it. What will you do if they say no?

As a manager of a 24/7 service I used to make sure the rota was fair in that everyone took turns to have Christmas and new year off. I never felt it right that I decided whose need was more important than others. There is a chance someone will swap but not likely.

Could you apply for a role in a service that isn't 24/7? Out patients? Day surgery?

I was a single mum (with twins now adults) working for the NHS, with much the same problems as you. I had no childcare over Christmas or any other time and during their primary years i ended up working in Outpatients where the clinics didn't run over the festive season.

I do believe that flexible working is now law (you may have to check out mother pukka website as she's been instrumental in getting it passed) but check it out and see if it's something that the Hospital may consider, it can't be just a no these days, and they have to take into account the bigger picture.

It's really tough trying to dual parent and nursing and the NHS never see the bigger picture sadly. Update us on how you get on.

Flexible working is not the law. The right to request flexible working is available to everyone, and the employer must consider it. But somewhere like a hospital ward isn’t going to be able to offer it without then having to ask others to do more night shifts and more holiday occasions, so it is an easy no.

My next door neighbour has just given up nursing and gone to work in a building society because she has 3 children and the night shifts alone just don’t work for her and she has a husband at home but he also works out of hours.

If there truly is no family members or friends that you can ask, how about looking into paid babysitting services closer to the time, just in case you have to work one of those Christmas shifts?

I'm sure if you ask early enough through a babysitting agency, there will be someone who wants extra money and you can get the kids used to them before hand

I've been a nurse for years and usually people can request Christmas or new years off but its not a given and everyone has their own reasons for wanting them off so I would try and have a back up plan

I would advise against 12 hours shifts which include Christmas working etc when you have young children and no family support. No one is going to want to work their own ‘turn’ at Christmas and somebody else’s as well (the majority of your colleagues will have their own children ). A service which is closed for bank holidays etc is probably the way to go for now and willl save you a lot of stress. Outpatients? Gp practice? Congratulations on completing your nursing degree and juggling five children without the support of the other parent. That is an amazing achievement .

@Houseplanter I used to do a similar job and totally agree with your comments.

‘do management take individual circumstances into account?’

hmm well only to a certain extent. If someone worked the last 2 and requests this year off then I would (and did) authorise it even thought that person had no young dc (other colleagues thought this was relevant and they didn’t deserve 25th off - I didn’t)

who on earth is in a position to say that staff member a is more deserving than b. It gets very complicated if people routinely claim having dc as a special circumstance. So if a has the day off 4 years running due to having dc, would I then decide b can’t and therefore doesn’t get to see their nephews or elderly parents?

I genuinely think that barring one off events, everyone who applies to work in a 24/7 service needs to be available to work pretty much all of them. And being available on May Day for example is in no way a compromise for requesting half of December and January off!

and don’t get me started on last minute sickness - people don’t think it will be noticed but it really is.

How to get flexible working Dirty Mother Pukka with Anna Whitehouse. As The Flexible Working Bill passes through Parliament - to become law in 2024 - Anna sits down with lawyer Daniel Wise to wade through what it means for you. And how to successfully get flex - without losing your job or mind.
So hopefully the OP will be able to request Flexible working under the new law

Sorry can't edit on my phone
Flexible working act became law on April 6th 2024, to the poster who said it wasn't written in law

Day surgery, outpatients, Gp surgery. You can’t work on a ward, there are various patterns, all of which are incompatible with being a single parent.

Can you look for jobs that don't need shift work? Like outpatient clinics?

With 5 children, no family and shift work, I’d be looking at getting a nanny, or else hosting a student and offering free accomm in return for occasional childminding. What age is your oldest - old enough to look after the others? If not, you might have to put nursing on the back burner for a few years, particularly as their dad is so useless. I’m sorry, OP - it sucks.

Yes but that doesn’t mean she has the right to have flexible working, only to request it.

@ItsSpookySeason are you on a ward, what are your options for night shifts?

It still isn’t written into law. The act simply makes changes to the rights to requests it, you now need to be consulted before it can be refused and they need to give evidence for their refusal rather than just saying no for business reasons. And they have to make the decision faster and you don’t need to have worked there for a minimum term or whatever it was before, 26 weeks I think.

The act does not provide a new law guaranteeing anyone flexible working. You should understand that before you start telling people they are entitled to flexible working.

Employers can still say no for lots of reasons;
The reasons are:

• Burden of additional costs
• Detrimental effect on the business’ ability to meet customer demand
• Detrimental impact on quality and performance
• Unable to reorganise work among existing staff
• Unable to recruit more staff
• Insufficient work during the periods the employee wishes to work
• Planned structural changes.

Very easy in an NHS ward to say that they cannot shift the burden of night shift and Xmas shifts onto other staff.

The pp said that you can request it under the new law. It isn't a given.
Personally, I don't think it should be.
The request would be for childcare, but the requester doesn't have to state why they are asking. This means anyone could ask for Christmas off without having to give a reason so where would the managers be?? They can't allow everyone off. And sure as shit you can't expect other people to just suck it up and cover for you.

OP - I would see what type of jobs best suit your circumstances, as others have said. It totally sucks you don't have support from the children's other parent. There will be other NHS workers in the same boat, they may be able to help with suggestions.

Could you do a 9 to 5 in a different nursing role? Outpatients/clinic work? Who will do childcare when you’re doing shift work?

Even if you’re spared from doing nights and holidays, who will take care of 5 children if you start at 7ish and get home 8pm?

I worked in Nursing for 35 years and usually we either got Christmas or new year off. I guess if your eldest is not old enough to babysit the others you are going to have to look at paying for a nanny or something. There may also be other staff from other cultures who don't celebrate Christmas who would willingly swap shifts with you. Some people will be glad of the extra money that working those key shifts brings in.

I'm a bit confused. So you have a childcare provider who works nights, weekends, Bank Holidays, can have your children if you start at 7am and don't get home until after 7pm, the only day they can't do is Christmas Day? What kind of childcare is this??

Our trust has an emergency childcare service staff can access. Maybe something like that? Not sure what the chances are for Xmas day but worth a look.