New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

It’s definitely a generational thing. Historically people grumbled about Christmas off duty but generally did their fair share and it all worked out. People with small kids were rightly often given priority for Christmas day itself. There’s definitely bern a shift recently-it’s all about me me me and thank goodness I no longer have to do the bloody off duty and deal with the fall out.

What about people who are childless throughout their working lives? Are they required never to have Christmas off?

Apparently.

And if they’re single, don’t drive & don’t have family nearby, they’ll probably be on their own on Boxing Day - if they get that off.

In the real world, that exists outside MN, the general approach has, for many many years, been that you work one, you get one off. All these made up stories about people being forced to work Christmas year after year after year are hilarious.

@fitzwilliamdarcy is not making it up Its all over her posting history In your world the child free are liars while the parents are saints. I strongly suspect that you are just like the parents Fitz works with who, instead of saying thank you to her for doing 7 Christmases in a row went whining to HR when she wouldnt do the 8th one.

I tell you what. As a childfree by choice woman i certainly wont be covering for parents when i go back to work if i get even a faint whiff of an attitude like yours.

Your only feasible option as far as I can see is to employ an agency nanny for those shifts. If you start saving for it now, there will be less of a financial hit in December. I was a single parent prison officer and had to do this a few times as we had to do xmas or new year, no exceptions.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4691706-to-ask-my-colleague-to-withdraw-christmas-holiday-request?page=1

15 years isn’t your entire career though! That’s my point.

To be fair, I’ve volunteered additional years. I don’t mind though. I’d happily cover someone like the OP without a second thought. That said, I don’t appreciate being accused of being selfish for occasionally wanting the odd Christmas off though.

Ironically, it’s the parents who are being me me me. “I must be with my children who are more important than my colleague’s plans.” 🙄🙄🙄🙄 People need to get over themselves. I wouldn’t volunteer to swap with someone like that ever. I would if you asked nicely and didn’t excuse me of being selfish with my personal non work time.

Have a look at www.sitters.co.uk they may be able to help. Or your own council will have a list of registered childcarers that may offer care on one or two of the days.It may not be cheap but you're going to have to suck it up this Christmas. Try to get something in place now so that you can tell your workplace the days that you can work

I won’t post again about the topic of Christmas and priority. It has been derailed by the entitled parents. It’s kinda funny that some people expect your colleague to prioritise your family having their mum on Christmas morning over their own family. 🤣 Obviously if it was a case of a sick child or relative or an emergency, I’d support any colleague. To pretend you care about a colleague’s children more than your own family - nah I don’t believe that. I don’t even celebrate Christmas really so I would swap but I’m not going to act like I care you want to watch them open a stocking. That’s not the case for the OP who has clearly worked and overcome more challenges than most. This is a huge achievement and she’s put all these plans and childcare into place. If Christmas is not coverable for childcare - and it isn’t - then so many of us wouldn’t think twice before saying we would cover. Personally, I wouldn’t even want a favour returned, I’d want to help. She is clearly a strong and selfless woman and she shouldn’t be lumped in with others who want Christmas off work - she NEEDS it!

I used to work for a babysitting agency called Childcare.co.uk and regularly worked Christmas day/boxing day worth a try now to book someone as only a few workers want to work over xmas but many on the website are childcare students wanting to earn a bit over the festive period.

From the linked thread.

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 05/12/2022 09:53
It sounds as though she requested it first and is therefore entitled to it, and you've put her nose out of joint by asking her to withdraw her perfectly legitimate request on the basis that you have kids and she doesn't, and she doesn't need to see her family on Xmas Day as she sees them all the time. I'm not surprised she's not being helpful.

I'm in her position - working my 9th Christmas in a row this year as parent colleagues kick up a massive fuss if they don't get priority. There's always a sob story and you get ground down by everyone treating you like you don't matter as much. It's also always the female colleagues who get leaned on with the emotive language - the male parent is always AWOL and never expected to step up, whereas us women are expected to act like co-parents to everyone else's children.

You need to apply for unpaid parental leave at this point I think.

@ItsSpookySeason - congratulations on obtaining your degree under challenging circumstances!

I’m in Scotland so can’t speak for the rest of the U.K. - lots of nurses now just do bank rather than commit to one ward. In my health board, there are thousands of bank shifts every week to chose from. You’d get paid the same and in my area, accrue 1 hour of paid holidays for approximately 8 hours of work.

If there was something similar where you are, you might want to consider being a bank nurse until your DC can look after themselves. If you find a particular ward you like, you might be able to do the majority of your shifts there. When you don’t have child care, you simply mark yourself as unavailable.

good luck and I hope you find a solution

edited to add - in my area, nurses request either Christmas OR new year off and mostly get what they want but it’s not a given. No one is allowed to request annual leave over the Christmas and new year period.