New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I’ve also been a nurse manager and I would absolutely give you the day off and take the flack for it. Usually you either work Christmas or new year, I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

I’m not a nurse but I absolutely would begrudge a colleague getting Christmas off every year because they had children. I worked my fair share of our Christmas & BH rota and would not do more than that.

If I had worked the previous Christmas day and you rostered me to work Christmas again, to accommodate someone else, I’d take it further. I have kids too.

OP will just need one Christmas off then I expect will switch to 9-5. She’s not getting it off because she has children but because she’s been left through no fault of her own in an extremely unique position of being a single mum with no family and therefore no childcare on one day of the year

I dont know why I feel so strongly about this but it seems everyone is being really unfair on poor OP!

So all mums get Christmas off or only this one?
Sounds pretty unfair to me. No mums enjoy working at Christmas day. Lots of child less nurses miss out family time too at Christmas.

I have never met a manager sorting things this way. I had quit my job if things were sorted like that. Enough jobs around wards to find one with a Christmas rota for all nurses.

No, I don't suppose anybody really enjoys working on Christmas day. But if I physically cannot secure childcare that I can afford , what am I supposed to do? I can't leave them by themselves. And I don't feel it is worth quitting now, after 3 years of hard work, when I know I'm good at the job, for the sake of not having childcare for Christmas day

In my experience most people get their requested shifts at Christmas, and where I worked (I had no kids at the time) people were kind to each other and did shifts they thought were fair.

I have worked with minimal nurses who would not sympathise with this situation and allow OP to make it up by working other shifts that they might not want to do.

What is she supposed to do? Abandon nursing before she’s begun? I’m pretty sure a ward would rather have an extra permanent staff member and work around the Christmas Day issue than let her qualification go to waste?!

OP is not just a mum with kids she is a mum with no childcare, no family and a shitty ex husband which she did not anticipate at the start of training!!!

Lots of single mum nurses pay the cost of childcare at Christmas (or other sh* t days). Yes it will be more than you earn that day. But is it your coworkers problem? No. Not really.

i saw it every year then I worked at wards as a nurse. I have more than one Christmas covered for a single mum befire I had children - but it has been my choice.
Ask around - someone might be nice to help you out.

Could you do a couple of months to get the experience and then move to agency nursing? That would give you the ability to organise childcare in advance on the days you are going to be available for work . . . Not ideal, but as you say, after all of your hard work qualifying. . .
You could also look at nursing jobs in nursing homes. Being smaller organisations, there may be an element of more predictable shifts . . .

@ItsSpookySeason

Are you already working on the ward on which you might be asked to work on Christmas Day, OP?

I'm wondering whether there is someone you can at least speak to in person about your predicament. They may know more about how the ward will be staffed on that day but have yet to share that with you.

I think if it ends up being a case of affordability. If the dad is not prepared to be with his children on Christmas Day then there needs to be conversations about getting some support with any associated childcare costs.

We do every other Christmas Day. Staff know when it’s ’their turn’ , so there is no conflict and it’s fair for everyone. I wouldn’t do our roster any other way. It’s the same whether you have children or you don’t, because everyone has family/ loved ones. If someone wanted to work Christmas Day to help a colleague, despite working it the year before that would obviously be fine. But it would be as a result of that staff member volunteering , I’d never ask anyone to do that and I wouldn’t roster it myself and take the flack. There’s a whole team to consider. The Christmas roster angst is a tale as old as time.

Nice. I do bank nursing myself because 2024 NHS wards are falling apart. I wouldn't expect to have Christmas off as a new nurse but sure everyone will be happy to help if they can. In reality most wards have more than one nurse would could go with special treatment instead of paying the nanny.

@Anon22224 Sadly, the OP's situation isn't unique at all. There are literally thousands of single mothers working as nurses who end up with this dilemma every year. Some beg and pray for swaps. Some call in sick. Management has to be seen as being fair. That means everyone has to take their turn because it is discrimination to expect only childfree/childless people to never have Christmas day off. They release the Christmas rota well in advance to give people the chance to find swaps or get childcare sorted. It is impossible for them to give every parent every Christmas off. All the OP can do is talk to her manager and hope she can have it off this year then get something sorted for next year.

Is everyone missing that she has no family and her ex is living in a different country? I’m so sure that any other single parent would not have these two additional complications. Many will have kids every other year shared with an ex and the rest will have a family member who can help?!

I’ve never worked with anyone in this particular circumstance

I worked for the fire service
In my 20s and generally those with children took Christmas off and those without took new year. It usually suited
Most of us

I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

Ha ha. I bet they would

IF she did this Christmas off what happens next year when the problem is the same. Any goodwill for the circumstances this year will be in short supply if the same thing happens next year

Having New Year off wouldn't and doesn't interest me. I don't see it as any compensation for working Christmas Day

OP is aware she needs a non shift work role but this is not possible this year

She isn't special. At all. All wards have single mum nurses paying childcare at sh* t shifts.

If she secures a job suitable for no shifts at Christmas.

Seriously? You think every other single mother has an involved ex and family nearby? I've worked with plenty of women in this exact situation. In fact nearly all of the nurses from overseas on my ward right now don't have spouses or other family here. They just have their children.

It's not just the cost, although I'm expecting it to be utterly unaffordable - none of my childcare providers will work on Christmas or Boxing day. I will obviously keep looking for someone who is willing and have asked around but nobody seems to know anyone.

As I've never worked for the NHS before , would working Christmas eve count as working Christmas? As in, if I request to work Christmas eve would I then be able to take 25th off?
I'm really unsure about how it works.

I've seen a few posters mention calling in sick which I don't think I could do as I don't want to let anyone down, but if I am rostered to work 25th this year there is a very good chance I will be physically unable to.

I'm not working there currently, but there is a WhatsApp group for new band 5s and we have been told via that not to make any requests for December!

If you can work Christmas Eve night that might count for working some of Christmas.

Don't worry op the child free nurses will pick up the flack for you. Bet you'll make loads of friends

Best bet is to offer to cover EVERYTHING for a colleague regardless of what they ask.
Possibly cover two or three (sh* t) shifts in exchange for a Christmas shift.
It also costs money indirectly, however.