New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

That's a brilliant idea!

In your position, I'd be looking for a community job. I see though that that won't be possible for this Christmas, but I'd still try and get into community ASAP. Have a word with your band 7 as soon as you start the job and explain your predicament. Tell them what you can work over the Christmas/New Year period and be as flexible as possible.

Nursing, especially inpatient, is notorious for being family unfriendly, despite the NHS's family friendly ethos. It's ridiculous, especially seeing as nursing is female dominated (around 90% of nurses are female) yet females have the bulk of the caring responsibilities, whether that be for children or other relatives. Not how it should be of course, but it tends to be that way. I know of people who would come back into nursing if the hours were more flexible to fit in with young familes and other caring responsibilities.

I think you need to look at a 9-5 job. Community, outpatients, day surgery?, etc. Paid childcare will cost you a fortune for evenings and weekends let alone Christmas.

A MNetter on a thread about flexible working said there’d been an employment law tribunal case where the tribunal had found an employer to be discriminating against a woman for not allowing her to have only day time and non-bank holiday shifts, even if it meant that all the other employees had to do her share.

I asked for the name of the case as I couldn’t find it and it felt like it’d been pretty important for a lot of people but they never replied!

I'd look at outpatients or somewhere that doesn't open bank hols.

I think you'll really struggle otherwise.

Not working your share over xmas and ny will not go down well at all.

That’s what I can’t get my head round because then you are discriminating against people with no child care needs

What about an au pair or foreign student coming to live at yours? Long shot and might not be practical depending on size of your house but one of my friends friends has three young kids, worked as truck driver so got in a foreign au pair to help out. She only had a three bedroom house so no idea how she made it work so well but she did it for well over a year.

Christmas is a contentious issue everywhere in nursing.

I think it isn't realistic to think you'll be able to have Christmas off every year unless you take a job that doesn't work bank holidays.

So, either look for a job that suits or see if there's a workable solution - could a relative take them for Christmas alternate years? Any chance of their df stepping up?

To look after 5 children under 12 for 12 hour shifts? The OP could work long day Saturday and Long day Sunday one week.

It would need to be a properly paid nanny (which would probably cost more than one band 5 nurse wage)

I gave up nursing when I became a Lp .. it sucks sorry

I agree with other posters who have suggested a nursing job either clinic based or possibly community. I've nursed for over 15 years and didn't get many Christmas days off when I worked on the wards. My old jobs used to split the days between all the staff so that everyone had to work some of the Christmas period ie. Christmas early or Christmas late or Christmas night , Boxing day early/ late/night... Then the next year it was rotated. There was no concession for those with children, it was just part and parcel of nursing.

@fitzwilliamdarcy

I think that it might be Dobson v Cumbria Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

I think that it went to Appeal and that the original decision was overturned.

https://www.mfmac.com/insights/employment/childcare-disparity-and-flexible-working-employer-needs-sometimes-prevail/

Would you still earn enough if you became a school nurse? Could be very handy during the school hols with 5 kids if so.

This is absolute nonsense. No employer in the UK can force anyone with 5 kids to work at Christmas, when no childcare is available. I once asked the legal helpline provided by insurance policy if a staff member refusing to work a shift because her child’s school was closed, had the legal right to do this. She gave me three weeks’ notice of the school closure, which was ample time to arrange emergency childcare. I was told in no uncertain terms that parents have the right to take unpaid leave anytime they have issues with childcare and that I would probably be taken to an employment tribunal if I refused to give the employee the day off.

As a small employer, it’s very frustrating because employees abuse this right all the time and it’s difficult and expensive to cover staff absences (I own a nursery). But I doubt the NHS would care.

You’re a star, thank you!

I think as others have mentioned the best thing you can do is look for work as a nurse in a GP surgery, in the Outpatients department or a day ward. It’s unrealistic to expect to have every Christmas or bank holiday off or not do night shifts or early shifts on a normal ward and as you say childcare provisions are pretty much nonexistent at those times.

I hope you find something suitable.

Thanks for all of the replies.

There's a lot of posters saying the same thing over and over so I'd like to reiterate that bank holidays are not an issue, it is purely Christmas day and Boxing day!

And also to repeat that in my local trust, all newly qualified band 5s must work on a ward - we will not be employed in a GP surgery or elsewhere for at least 12 months, so whilst this would make sense it is not possible for me to be working elsewhere in time for this Christmas.

It seems that there's probably not much I can do about this. If I physically have nowhere that is safe/ affordable to leave my children then I cannot work on Christmas day.

@ItsSpookySeason

As it's such a crucial moment in your career, would your sister be able to come to stay for Christmas? I know that she would probably not want any money, but could you offer her travel costs plus, say, £250?

It will be such a shame if this stops you advancing in your nursing career.

No, she would not want to come back at Christmas, we discussed it months ago. She is only 21 and has plans with her boyfriend, which I don't begrudge at all, she has been a massive help to me in the last 2 years when she really didn't need to help at all.
I don't feel like I can ask her to change her plans, her moving away is a huge thing for us both as we are each others only family, but she needs to start her adult life without my responsibilities bogging her down!

Can you work in a gp surgery which are closed on Christmas Day and usual bank holidays?

Do management take individual circumstances into account when sorting shift allocations

I work for the Police and the only thing management (rightly) take into account when doing Christmas rotas is who got it off last year.

We've already been asked our Christmas preferences for this year. There'll only be a couple allowed off so they'll check who was allowed it off last year & they won't be eligible this year. The people who worked last year will be names in a hat. Family circumstances aren't factored in at all. Which is how it should be. People who don't have children still have family they want to spend the day with.

It might be worth asking whether any colleague also working has an abandoned family member(s) who could help. It couldn't just be anyone, as they'd need to be able to cope with five kids, but you never know.

There probably is someone around who would be happy to work Christmas day looking after kids (perhaps someone whose kids have gone to the non-resident parent for Christmas), but it's finding them that's the problem.

I think it’s crazy that this wouldn’t be taken into consideration! I’m a nurse and always voluntarily did Christmas to prevent those with young kids having to work. Christmas is so special age 4-9ish and I would have hated a parent to miss out on one of these 5 Christmas days!

I’ve also been a nurse manager and I would absolutely give you the day off and take the flack for it. Usually you either work Christmas or new year, I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

I mean there’s literally nothing you can do about this situation - you just can’t work it!

Hope you don’t get any flack for it and can enjoy Christmas, good luck with starting nursing - well done for sticking it out with 5 kids and a horrible ex. Try and pick a speciality in your first 12 months and get a 9-5 as others have suggested, the wards are hard work as a singleton let alone with any other responsibilities

This isn’t true though. When a job is advertised it is made clear if the service is 24/7, year round, including bank holidays. If you can’t fulfil that requirement, you don’t apply for the job. You also sign a contract agreeing to the terms and conditions of the role. Most contracts actually include cross site working now foo.

It’s very difficult to get a job other than shift work on wards in your first year being qualified, we are crying out for nurses and OP should be welcomed with open arms and flexibility given for her unique situation.

i can guarantee that other single parents of 5 would not have completed a nursing degree, so for her to have done this and be willing to be so flexible and have managed to secure childcare for all the crazy shifts surely she should be given every bit of lee way she can!