Page 13 | New career working Christmas as single parent

ItsSpookySeason · 2024-07-28T14:37:12+00:00

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW. We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare. I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked! How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

OvertiredandConfused · 30/07/2024 09:39

You would be able to hire a nanny to cover even these days, but the cost would probably be multiples of what you would earn. Maybe something to investigate just once or twice over a number of years?

KimberleyClark · 30/07/2024 09:46

JudgeBurrito · 29/07/2024 21:46

This is absolutely ridiculous 🙄 you accuse people of being anti-parent/mother when they've been nothing of the sort, and then genuinely say that childfree people should work worse shifts. Unbelievable. 'Fair share' is absolutely not subjective in this context.

Edited

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This. It’s a pretty awesome level of entitlement to think other people should make sacrifices for the children you chose to have isn’t it.

Starlingexpress · 30/07/2024 09:46

Houseplanter · 30/07/2024 09:20

I wonder if these people who think creating a rota who gives in to everyone's whim, opinion and want have ever actually tried to.

Have they ever tried to be fair, reasonable and considerate to a team who are constantly asked to give give give.

I wonder if they're the ones who think 'management' have the answers to everything and can conjure answers out of thin air.

The rota is hard enough throughout the year.. Christmas and NY is a bloody nightmare.

I thank my stars I'm retired from it all.

This. And luckily in the real world, the two extremes going head to head on this thread rarely exist.
Somebody who claims they have been forced to work multiple consecutive Christmases in a row is probably stretching the truth a little. A general rule is that if you have one off, you work the next.

OP in the real world, you may hear some grumbling about the Christmas off duty but in general there is a lot more flexibility and goodwill than you will hear on these tedious annual MN threads. Let your new manager know your issue as soon as you can. It’s not unheard of for somebody to move to a new clinical area having already had Christmas off duty/travel plans approved or made and these may be honoured.
Your manager will go through the options with you. And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic 😉

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/07/2024 09:59

101Nutella · 30/07/2024 09:37

I’d have a discussion with your manager when you start . It won’t be forever you’re in this position and if they value you and want to keep you employed, they will find ways to support. If they don’t- work somewhere else coz they will be difficult and unsupportive all the time eg when kids are ill.

if a manager can’t show compassion and support to you after what’s happened they really shouldn’t be in charge of people. Also the harsh comments on here show how we’ve accepted just a harsh, unkind culture within NhS and some areas of nursing.

yes other people have children but not everyone has absolutely no support. Sometimes in life people need a leg up and if we can help them we should!

But with all due respect to the OP, who sounds awesome, choosing to have kids with no family or friends support does have consequences that co-workers shouldn't be expected to compensate for.

And there are still five months to find / hire a solution. Why can't the sister come down and watch the kids for the day?

Izzynohopanda · 30/07/2024 10:03

There are nursing positions where you don’t work Christmas Day. In gp surgeries for example. Maybe this is an option?

MumChp · 30/07/2024 10:07

Izzynohopanda · 30/07/2024 10:03

There are nursing positions where you don’t work Christmas Day. In gp surgeries for example. Maybe this is an option?

Not for a fresh graduate.
These positions have lots of applicants because of the family friendly hours.
After a year or two in wards it would be optimal.

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 30/07/2024 10:17

I’d have thought that it would be far easier for parents of young children to shift their Christmas at home to Christmas Eve or Boxing Day than it would be for an adult without kids, who is probably more likely to have to co-ordinate with other adult friends or family members & might well need to travel to spend Christmas with them.

It’s all very well saying that adults without kids should prioritise other people’s children but then there will be a constant stream of children needing to be prioritised. And then as a pp said we get to the stage of it being a valid question at the interview stage.

Pintu · 30/07/2024 10:20

Make firm friends with the Muslim or Jewish nurses and hope they swap with you! Honestly though it will likely only be one or two Christmases before you can switch jobs. Just be upfront with your manager in plenty of time. Most people are sympathetic.

MumChp · 30/07/2024 10:39

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 30/07/2024 10:17

I’d have thought that it would be far easier for parents of young children to shift their Christmas at home to Christmas Eve or Boxing Day than it would be for an adult without kids, who is probably more likely to have to co-ordinate with other adult friends or family members & might well need to travel to spend Christmas with them.

It’s all very well saying that adults without kids should prioritise other people’s children but then there will be a constant stream of children needing to be prioritised. And then as a pp said we get to the stage of it being a valid question at the interview stage.

Edited

Every nursing position I have put in an application for I have asked about public holidays.

One of my last permanent jobs my schedule was changed upfront for both Christmas Day and New Year's Eve shifts two next years in a row to accommodate other employees' wishes and needs. I was told in October.
'You don't mind?' was the words from mangement. I did mind tbh.
Doing Christmas Day or New Year Eve every second year it on rota would be the never ending story of 4 years in a row.

I switched to bank nursing and haven't worked a holiday since (there were definitely other disadvantages to being a bank nurse but this is the absolute advantage).

iamtheblcksheep · 30/07/2024 10:47

Juyjuly32 · 29/07/2024 17:07

@MumChp I don't think this is true. You have no idea how difficult it can be working a 13 hour shift as a single parent. I don't want to be negative as OP has done so well to complete a nursing degree with 5 DC!

However I actually am a single mum also work in the NHS with 0 family help. 7am starts, 8pm finishes and night shifts would not be fair on OPs children at all.

I hope OP can perhaps use her degree some how maybe a non clinical job role? But still nursing.

I think OP needs to apply for outpatients ASAP.

The children will appreciate the sacrifices this woman made to give a children a good life rather than sitting at home on universal credit scraping by every penny. It’s not going to be easy for a few years but those that want to make it work.

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 13:49

fitzwilliamdarcy · 30/07/2024 00:42

@LewishamMumNow I worked 8 Christmases in a row because of people who think like you do. Too right I now stick up for my “rights” as an employee, which are the ones that matter to an employer. Employers should not have any liability to or duties towards random children.

You might not like it, but I have the right to be treated fairly by my employer, and that does not equal my employer telling me I have to work 5 Christmases to Susan’s 1 because they have a duty to Susan’s children!

If children have a right to Christmas magic then it is for THEIR PARENTS to provide it, not the parents’ employers or their random colleagues.

THIS!

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 13:56

fitzwilliamdarcy · 30/07/2024 09:03

OK, so here’s a thought. If employers know they have to treat parents of under 10s as unavailable for work on Christmas Day, then they need to ensure that their ward isn’t solely staffed by parents of under 10s. They’re under a duty to the children now remember, to safeguard their right to wellbeing magic.

That means they have to ask at hiring stage if the applicant is a parent of under 10s. And if so, a childless person or older parent will get the job instead.

Now oddly, I suspect parents of under 10s would complain about being treated differently to other employees when it doesn’t benefit them. They want to be treated “identically” to the childless when it comes to hiring. But when it comes to working conditions and getting a benefit, then they want to be treated “equitably”.

This is another reason why children should be irrelevant in the workplace. The only people who are responsible for safeguarding magic are the parents. If you genuinely think that it’s a wellbeing issue then parents of under 10s have no business working these jobs, because it’s THEM that are harming their children. Not random colleague Mary who has no relationship with them and owes them bugger all.

You also said it was wrong that I worked 8 Christmases in a row @LewishamMumNow but that’s what you’re advocating for - childless people doing more Christmases because they should prioritise random children over their own families (even though their parents are allowed not to prioritise their own kids for some reason).

Fantastic post

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 14:05

Starlingexpress · 30/07/2024 09:46

This. And luckily in the real world, the two extremes going head to head on this thread rarely exist.
Somebody who claims they have been forced to work multiple consecutive Christmases in a row is probably stretching the truth a little. A general rule is that if you have one off, you work the next.

OP in the real world, you may hear some grumbling about the Christmas off duty but in general there is a lot more flexibility and goodwill than you will hear on these tedious annual MN threads. Let your new manager know your issue as soon as you can. It’s not unheard of for somebody to move to a new clinical area having already had Christmas off duty/travel plans approved or made and these may be honoured.
Your manager will go through the options with you. And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic 😉

Show quote history

You need to do a search on @fitzwilliamdarcy posts Shes not stretching the truth at all She has a history of posting about it on here and had to fight for last Christmas off Instead of saying thankyou to her for doing 8 in a row parents griped and moaned and at least one phoned in sick on Christmas Day so the manager phoned Fitz to try and get her to come in. the entitlement towards the child free is bad enough but to then call them liars when they talk about it is fucking disgusting and i will lay money on the fact that you DONT search her posts mentioning this cos it would prove you wrong!!!

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 14:13

And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic

Exibit A. How fucking patronising

JudgeBurrito · 30/07/2024 14:16

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 14:13

And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic

Exibit A. How fucking patronising

Don't forget the sarky winky face... I gave up with that PP

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/07/2024 15:32

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 14:13

And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic

Exibit A. How fucking patronising

Exactly.

The notion by parents that Christmas is only for kids is so tiresome.

JenniferBooth · 30/07/2024 18:17

Childless/child free should remember these attitudes next time they are asked to cover shifts for parents. Dobt have kids? You can live in a shitty little sweatbox
But next time you are asked to cover shifts for parents suddenly you are everyones fucking Daddy

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5131007-angela-rayner-and-building-more-houses?page=5&reply=137170918

Page 5 | Angela Rayner and building more houses. | Mumsnet

I believe she's going to make a statement today or soon, about plans for house-building. What would you like her to take into consideration as she ma...

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Ostagazuzulum · 03/08/2024 21:26

Before i had a child I always volunteered to work Xmas so parents could have it off. Seemed like the right thing to do. Did I moan a bit about entitles parents? A little. Did my attitude change when I had a child of my own and recognised the importance of the child having g at least one parent with them for Xmas? A lot.

On plus side when I worked the Xmas' in lieu of colleagues who had young kids, they tended to owe me a favour so it worked out well!

Op, I really hope you get sorted. This thread feels like it's been de-railed a bit by people moaning that parents shouldn't get favourable treatment. I suspect you would work it but you simply aren't able to. DH and I are both shift workers. We worked opposite shifts for a long time so there was always one of us but we have zero help. There was always the fear that a day off would be cancelled and we'd be stuck about how we look after our child. I get your quandary. There's literally no one you can turn to. I hope you get a sympathetic boss.

JudgeBurrito · 03/08/2024 21:35

@Ostagazuzulum not sure why you've resurrected this thread days later, but I'm curious to ask.

Before i had a child I always volunteered to work Xmas so parents could have it off. Seemed like the right thing to do.

If it turned out you couldn't have/decided not to have children, would you have continued to volunteer to cover every Christmas Day until retirement?

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 03/08/2024 21:44

JudgeBurrito · 03/08/2024 21:35

@Ostagazuzulum not sure why you've resurrected this thread days later, but I'm curious to ask.

Before i had a child I always volunteered to work Xmas so parents could have it off. Seemed like the right thing to do.

If it turned out you couldn't have/decided not to have children, would you have continued to volunteer to cover every Christmas Day until retirement?

Yes, I was wondering that too.

Ostagazuzulum · 03/08/2024 23:11

Yes I would of. Without question.

Each to their own.

It popped up on my active page again. Didn't realise it was days old.

JudgeBurrito · 03/08/2024 23:22

Ostagazuzulum · 03/08/2024 23:11

Yes I would of. Without question.

Each to their own.

It popped up on my active page again. Didn't realise it was days old.

So you would 'have'... Easy to say when you're not in that situation. So childfree adults never need to see their family on Christmas Day? Not sure you'll feel that way when your child is 21.

Ostagazuzulum · 04/08/2024 07:47

@JudgeBurrito please don't judge people by your own standards.

For 15 years before I hd my child I gave up my Xmas for colleagues with kids.

DD is a teen now and largely unfusses by Xmas so DH has already said he give up leave on Xmas day if people with younger children need it off as our opinion is that that's fair. Fortunately my role now doesn't require me to work bank holidays however I'd happily give them up until I retire if I had to. I saw how sad my DD was when one of us wasn't home for Xmas because of work so think what Xmas will be like for kids if neither parent is there.

There's a lot of people with older kids in our role who do same. We're not in the minority.

YOYOK · 04/08/2024 09:38

Ostagazuzulum · 04/08/2024 07:47

@JudgeBurrito please don't judge people by your own standards.

For 15 years before I hd my child I gave up my Xmas for colleagues with kids.

DD is a teen now and largely unfusses by Xmas so DH has already said he give up leave on Xmas day if people with younger children need it off as our opinion is that that's fair. Fortunately my role now doesn't require me to work bank holidays however I'd happily give them up until I retire if I had to. I saw how sad my DD was when one of us wasn't home for Xmas because of work so think what Xmas will be like for kids if neither parent is there.

There's a lot of people with older kids in our role who do same. We're not in the minority.

It’s always the people who have children and/or don’t work in those jobs who claim they’d do it. This is not having a single Christmas Day in your entire working life. It isn’t just Christmas either, it’s often other periods of time especially around school holidays.

It is sort of off topic though because the OP is in the situation where she cannot get childcare so she’s not wanting Christmas off for ‘fun’ reasons.

Ostagazuzulum · 04/08/2024 10:51

Fgs. I did it for 15 years before I had a child so stop bloody generalising.