New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I could work a long day on 24th but have no childcare past 9pm

Thanks for your helpful comment. I'm really trying my best under what are difficult circumstances for me.

I'm a nurse. I don't know any single mums who work weekends or nights who don't have the dad or other family members doing the childcare. None of them would be able to afford a nanny and what other childcare could they use?

They either have family support who do a lot of childcare for them or they get a 9-5 job.

Most want 25th December off. It's not a surprise I guess. Most don't care about 24.12.

Of course you can be lucky the ratio of nurses is in your favour wanting a shift 25.12 and the eve of 24.12 can tick of for Christmas. But I wouldn't count on it.

What do they do at Christmas then maybe they can enlighten OP

Your coworkers do too. Their best. And have often done for years at the wards.

It depends a lot how the other nurses' family lives are. You can't know before you ask them to cover for you. I have done my share of helping out as a young childfree nurse. It does happen.

Does your manager put up request sheets for Christmas and new year weeks? You could try putting Christmas Eve 12 hour on there and then day off for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. But there’s no guarantee. What about New Year’s Day, do you have childcare? You may get lucky and have a couple of nurses who will work Christmas to get new year off. I haven’t really experienced this myself though. Christmas Day is the biggie really.

Thing is she isn't that special in 2024 NHS.
I wouldn't quit my Christmas for hers.

Before you think I am a devil I covered a lot of shi* t shifts for single mum nurses as a young childfree nurse.

@ItsSpookySeason just being honest. Your home life is of no relevance to your co workers in a brand new job. Most wards actually tell you as a newly qualified it is expected you'll work the first Christmas.

If you call in sick after you've asked people to
Change their shifts to cover yours that would be a disciplinary on my old ward.

This.

Plus the fact he should see his 5 children much more often, the dick.

They shouldn't do but a lot of people will and it pisses off those without kids

I really feel for you.
I think if you said you can’t do this Christmas (give reason of no childcare or family support) but would be willing to work next year a reasonable manager would understand. In our trust we work either Christmas Day or Boxing Day.
By next year you may have a mum friend/ colleague that would help you out or be able to move to a more family friendly role.

Have you actually got a new job if not I'd be seriously thinking of moving to be nearer family and applying for Jobs there. Having 5 kids under 12 without a support system won't work. It's not just Christmas , what if you end up in hospital yourself then what.

@MumChp yeah I agree. I got so sick of constantly working every weekend, bank holiday and Christmas because parents wanted time off and thought they were above everyone else I just refused point blank to cover anyone else's shift. And I used to cover everyone's Christmas but it became expected and then no one appreciates it.

Some of the replies you have received here are really unfair OP.
The fact that you are thinking about this so much already goes to show what an asset you will be to your team.

As a nurse myself who has worked as a ward manager I can tell you now I'd support you. Within my department I utilised a system over Christmas where all my staff were expected to work 1 key shift over the Xmas/NY period.
This included Christmas Eve night, Christmas day/night, boxing day, NYE night and new years day. They'd only be rostered more than 1 of these shifts if they personally requested it. The rest of their hours were worked on non "key" shifts.
No block annual leave these 2 weeks so everyone could take a day each.

Be clear with your ward manager what you can work, instead of worrying about what you can't and hopefully your team will include nurses much more understanding than some you've encountered on here.

Welcome to the NHS!

They swap shifts. They pay others to work their shifts. They form networks with other single mothers without families to look after each other's children on the days when schools/childcare is closed.

Absolutely every nurse I have ever met has worked the first Christmas as a newly qualified. I’ve been in the nhs > 20 years. Op, I think your best bet ( other than a job with no bank holidays) is to settle in and then ask one of the nurses who has been there a while how the Christmas roster is managed in your work area. Don’t mention anything to any of the staff on the ward about your child care issues. Then , speak to your manager and explain your child care issues. Take it from there.

Yes I already have a job and contract is signed, just waiting on my pin coming through.

I dont have any family, my parents are dead, my sister is moving away and as she is only 21 and I have relied on her help with childcare a lot over the last 2 years I don't think moving to her new area would be fair on her, she is just starting her own adult life and finding her feet.

There is nobody else. My ex husband has moved back to his home country with the woman he left me for, and all of my ex in laws also live abroad.

I just don't see how it's gonna work. Won't you have to do night shifts aswell.

@ItsSpookySeason

When does the job start, OP? I appreciate that you just have the info on WhatsApp at the moment.

Although you're not on the wards right now, hopefully you will be soon and will be able to talk to someone about your predicament.

The network, help each other and they offer to cover EVERYTHING for colleagues regardless of what they ask.
Possibly cover two or three (sh* t) shifts in exchange for a Christmas 25.12 shift.
It also costs money indirectly, however.

But it's often best bet.

Yes I will have to do night shifts and I have a childminder who covers night shifts as I have already explained in the thread. She does not work past 9pm on 24th December or at all on 25th or 26th.
7
I have explained several times that the shift pattern itself isn't going to be a huge problem for me, it is literally the 25th and 26th of December that I have not been able to find any childcare provider who I willing to work (and likely couldn't afford it even if I found someone!)

OP has to get through the next 12 months. Then she can get a better aligning job or use unpaid parental leave if she really needed to. All you can do is ask around. Beg to swap shifts. If you can work other bank holidays can you offer to work boxing day, new years eve and day. Basically try to sweeten it for someone as much as can.

I’m a single parent and a midwife who works shifts, in our trust you have to work either Christmas or new year. I have never worked Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because I always work NYE and New Year’s Day. I also spoke to the head of midwifery early on and got approved for set shifts quickly which helped massively.

She can't work from 8.30 pm on the 24th until the 28th December. The problem is a lot of people say they haven't got childcare to get out of working Christmas. Hardly any jobs would except this I think the only solution is them spending Christmas with their dad