New career working Christmas as single parent

[ItsSpookySeason]

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW.

We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare.

I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked!

How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hats off to you OP for doing a nursing degree with 5 DC under 12!

How will you have all year round in general for the school holidays? I'm a single parent and I've been working for NHS for 13 years plus now. It's been trick and I only have one DC.

Usually you are expected to work either Xmas or NY. You will find very few holiday camps open in the run upto Xmas.

Do you celebrate Christmas as a family? If you do you can’t leave your children with a babysitter/childcare even if you can find it, that would be bloody awful.

I have a lot of friends in nursing, all rely heavily on spouse, family and friends. It’s just not possible without that support network. You can’t possibly earn enough to make the cost of paid childcare for those shifts worthwhile.

I’m sorry that you have worked so hard for it @ItsSpookySeason but I don’t see this being a viable career for you.

Have you thought about community nursing or public health nursing eg health visiting or school nursing services? Many employ staff nurses at the moment and these services don’t work nights or bank holidays.

if you have to have some ward experience for these roles (and you may not as many areas are now taking newly qualified nurses due to difficulties in recruiting) ask your xh to do Christmas this year. I know it will be tough to miss Christmas with your dc but think of it as one year.

The wards I worked on often did short shifts on Christmas Day so I would work 7.30 - 2 or 1.30 - 8 rather than 7.30 to 8. You could ask what they normally do.

Can you look at getting a live in nanny? Might not sort Xmas out, but how are you going to handle night shifts?

Another option could be bank or agency Nursing then you could choose your shifts and most wards don't rely on bank staff as much at Christmas time as all annual leave is cancelled.

A live in nanny earns more than a nurse. How’s that going to work exactly?!

If you are full time I very much doubt you would get Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day off. You would probably have to work one.
I always use to request to work New Year's Day as lots of the staff without kids wanted that off.
Also the ward I worked on tried to avoid 12 hour shifts over Christmas so everyone got a bit of time with family.
Maybe work nights and get a night nanny? It might be a nice job for someone if they are older and sleep well.

Do not join the Bank or agency. There's no work at the minute... and with 5 kids OP likely needs a solid income.

Congratulations OP- it’s a fantastic achievement.Some people volunteer to work Christmas Day. I can only hope that if you publicise your request as widely as possible that someone will help out. Hope you can get a job somewhere like outpatients where the hours are better, otherwise it’ll be a nightmare trying to sort childcare!

I don't think you can do that until you have a bit of experience. When you first qualify it's a massive learning curve over the first few years.

People don’t mind as long as you’re willing to do a turn - it’s when someone literally refuses to ever work Christmas that it becomes a problem. I did 8 of them on the trot because of such colleagues and by that point you don’t give a fig about their personal challenges.

Thanks for the replies!

Working elsewhere isn't really an option right now as in my trust new band 5s must work on a ward to gain experience.

My eldest is 12, and has additional needs so definitely not able to be left with his siblings!

My ex husband will not see the children at Christmas, he has made it very clear that he will visit twice a year - once in February and once in August.

For all those asking - school holidays, night shifts ect are all covered using a combination of holiday clubs, nurseries and a childminder local to me who does overnight care, so none of those are an issue, it's only Christmas that is going to be a problem.

I would look at community nursing. They have newly qualified posts these days. Hours are better and generally a bit more family friendly. I also have a friend who got a practice nurse job as a newly qualified nurse.
When I qualified you always use to have to do ward work for a bit but they seems to be more opportunities for newly qualified nurses now .

Management taking individual circumstances into account in 24/7 services usually looks like if you worked a late shift last year you'll work the early shift this year, or the night shift - it's not possible to extend to having the whole 24hrs of each bank holiday off. In the long term I think outpatients would be more suited to family friendly working but you usually need to get some experience on the wards to have the experience wanted for those roles.

How old are your children? You might be able to enquire locally for a babysitter who'd be willing to do extended hours as a one off, though it would be expensive unfortunately. I do have friends in the police who have adapted to single parenthood by creating a network where they look after each others children on opposing shifts but I can imagine that would be difficult if you've got five!

Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear but it really isn't a job that can accommodate childcare needs unless you've got the experience/specialism to move into a 9-5 service (eg community nursing or specific areas that have day patients only) You might need to look into how you can keep your PIN and taking up a full time nursing role when they're older.

Is a job working rotating 12 hour shifts including nights, weekends and bank holidays really going to be feasible long-term when you're a single parent to three children?

You'd be better off finding a nursing job with more regular, set hours if possible, surely?

If you have to do ward work before you can progress, then it's good you are being proactive now.

There is an organisation, but I personally have no experience so am not recommending it, called something like Hire a Granny. It puts younger families in contact with older people who want the opportunity to be someone's grandparents. You might find an older person willing to come and stay and help host a family style Christmas. No idea how much they would charge.

There will be people willing to look after your children at Christmas but it will cost a lot and need to be organised well in advance. Perhaps an international student who is not returning home for Christmas.

Thank you - this sounds absolutely amazing and definitely something I will look into! As far as family goes, it's pretty much just me and my kids, and my sister who is now moving away. So I think we would benefit from something like this, and not just for Christmas time! It would be so nice to have other adults in my children's lives.

Make friends as soon as you start then hopefully colleagues will be willing to swap with you. Some will work Christmas if it means they can get New Years off instead, for example. I don't know if it applies to all Trusts but in mine Christmas and Boxing Day shifts are shorter than normal so it is fewer hours needing covered by childcare. You might have to use a nanny-type company to cover that day. It will probably cost you more than you will earn for the shift, sadly.

OP you have worked so hard to get where you are. It must be very frustrating to be thwarted by your ex husband who is really not being reasonable at all. I cannot see that you will be able to avoid working the Christmas period entirely and it would seem to be a good idea to deal with this sooner than later. If your ward manager is wiling to make an exception for you this year then maybe by next year you would be able to move to a community or outpatient role? Long term ward working will require being on the rota for Christmas.

Might not work but would your family member consider coming back for Christmas or having the kids visit? Also, your ex husband sucks. Well done on being such a good Mum!

Congratulations on reaching this stage in your nursing career, OP.

Have you actually been offered a job which will involve working this Christmas, or are you looking at possibilities in advance?

If you have accepted a job offer and working at Christmas is something you will need to do, could you ask whether a family member could come and stay with you for a week, offering to pay for their flights etc?

There are nannies who might work at Christmas, but the cost would be simply out of the question under normal circumstances.

One of the many reasons I left the toxic NHS was that as a single parent working 3 x 12.5hr shifts, I wasn't allowed to make any requests ... and was actively put on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, every single week. Like you, I had zero childcare options. They aren't interested, and you'll get treated horribly just for asking.

Does your hospital offer childcare? Some larger Trusts do. You won't be the only one in this pickle.

Look for jobs in primary care. You’re employed by the GP practice, not the NHS as such and many surgeries are happy to employ NQN.

No nights, weekends or bank holidays.