Son dropped out of college and secretly studied other qualification

[SharpOliveHam]

Son is 23. Very bright. Went to one of the top grammar schools in the UK. Got 100% in one of his maths A levels. But equally he leaves things to the last minute, possibly has ADD. If he’s not interested good luck getting him to do anything.

Son messed up his AS Levels (did well in one subject) and chose to leave his grammar school for the local college.

Son confessed that he messed up AGAIN at college and instead of repeating another year he actually dropped out of college and studied an Access course with a distance learning place.

He went to Edinburgh University! Paid for course with Saturday job money and birthday money. Son confesses to Dh and I he would study at the local town library. We received no letters or phone calls from the college.

I’m pleased he had the tenacity to do this but hurt he couldn’t confide in me. His siblings have been successful with academics - one is studying dentistry and the other is at Oxbridge. So assume pressure was a part of it.

I just wanted to share as I am still trying to process this. He told us he got AAB.

Where did you think he'd been for the past five years? 🤨

Has anyone had similar?

I remember once DH became very paranoid that this son would always race to the door for post. He gave us an excuse we accepted

Well done to your son. I love his commitment to achievement. He’s growing up, he’s making his own life decisions and taking full responsibility in making them happen. I’d be bursting with pride. Not telling you is just a sign of his growing maturity and desire to do well for you.

I can't follow this sorry - he didn't do a secret degree but did a levels and got ABB? Where does Edinburgh university come into it?

This is not recent. It came out at dinner this weekend.

He graduated with a first from university so felt safe to say I suppose.

It sounds as though things are going pretty well tbh. I think if he knows what he wants to do, it would be worth supporting him to do them.

I think you need to let this go and be MASSIVELY proud of your son., and tell him so. What a bright, independent, strong young man he is. It's really hard when you see your siblings excelling and know that you can do it too - but you can't conform to the same path.

He got there. How doesn't matter. He's done brilliantly, let him know all about it.

Timeline:

Y1: Grammar school - failed AS Level (we knew)
Y2: College - failed AS level again (did not know)
Y3:Distance learning Access course - we though DS was in second year of college studying A2’s but did an access course
Y4: started at Edinburgh (went on to graduate with a first). We went to ceremony so know for sure this is the case

So the secret is instead of doing year two of college he did an access course to meet the requirement for uni but you knew about him going to uni?

It’s sad that he didn’t feel he could tell you about his struggles but good on him finding something he could do and getting back on track.

Oh well that is amazing op you must be really proud. I get it's not the norm but it sounds like he's had a few false starts and some very high achieving siblings and needed to quietly test himself.

So the drama is instead of repeating the year he was doing at college he did an access course at the college instead?
And then you knew he was applying for Edinburgh uni, and you knew he was attending?

I think good on him! Sounds like a brilliant kid. Sorry he didn't feel like he couldn't tell you.

Apparently

Yes exactly this we thought he was going to college (we gave him train money!) for A2s but he went to the local library and studied an online Access course.

We celebrated him passing his AS Levels! But he had actually failed and dropped out of college at that point in time. The deception is breath taking.

I truly am not making this up. He screenshotted me his results from this distance learning place on our WhatsApp family chat. My other children had a lot of questions!

So did he make up his A level grades then if he was accepted into Uni? I am a bit lost

That's very sad he couldn't tell you. But you did seem very focused on academics which I presume is why. I'd be devastated if I'd known my DS was going through all that and felt unable to tell me.

However, well done to him for persevering. What is your relationship like now?

Overall i don’t think it matters as the end result was the same. You have to ask yourself why didn’t he confide in you?

Well done to him!

My cousin pretended for 3 years that he was at uni, whilst his parents paid for his accommodation and living expenses. In fact he had dropped out in the first year. They only found out by chance 15 years later.

So yours is a happy story.

The deception is breath taking.

Maybe see it less as deception and more as not wanting to be seen to fail and also not wanting the weight of expectations from the access course on him if you knew he had already 'failed' twice. He has showed tenacity to find a way when he clearly struggled at that stage in life.

Your son did great. He was so so brave. And he found a much better option that maybe you could have brought to him after he struggled in the learning environment he was in.

He lied to you but he fixed it. He was only little still, really. God. I got kicked out of sixth form and never mentioned it to my dad. I certainly wasn't spending my time studying for an access course though, I can promise you that. 😉

I have a friend with a similar story only his parents found out when they turned up to surprise him at graduation.

Why would anyone think you're making it up? It's not that astounding (if I've read it correctly). Hardly the drama you're making it out to be.

But you don't do A levels on an access course??

He’s got a degree out of it, and a very good one from a very good university! Whilst the lying to you while doing the access course wasn’t great, he’s clearly done very well for himself.

and if your reaction to this is as strong in real life as it is on here, I can see why he didn’t tell you at the time!!