Son dropped out of college and secretly studied other qualification

[SharpOliveHam]

Son is 23. Very bright. Went to one of the top grammar schools in the UK. Got 100% in one of his maths A levels. But equally he leaves things to the last minute, possibly has ADD. If he’s not interested good luck getting him to do anything.

Son messed up his AS Levels (did well in one subject) and chose to leave his grammar school for the local college.

Son confessed that he messed up AGAIN at college and instead of repeating another year he actually dropped out of college and studied an Access course with a distance learning place.

He went to Edinburgh University! Paid for course with Saturday job money and birthday money. Son confesses to Dh and I he would study at the local town library. We received no letters or phone calls from the college.

I’m pleased he had the tenacity to do this but hurt he couldn’t confide in me. His siblings have been successful with academics - one is studying dentistry and the other is at Oxbridge. So assume pressure was a part of it.

I just wanted to share as I am still trying to process this. He told us he got AAB.

He failed his A Levels and got into Uni via an access course.

He didn't do A levels. He did an Access course instead.

The deception is breath taking.

Do you not question your part in this?
The pressure you put on him in order for him to feel he couldn’t share things with you?
That you didn’t notice he spent a full year lying?

So what happened on Alevel results day. did he go to the college he hadn’t actually been studying at to pretend to get results?

So where does the ABB come into it?

I think this is why the OP has posted this. Because she is questioning it.

He made that up as his parents thought he was doing his A levels.

Oh dear, this doesn’t reflect well on you 😬 firstly how did he get to 20+ these days with ‘possible ADD’? Then feels he can’t be open about his academic situation. Sounds like he wasn’t supported ideally. Yes has touched a nerve with me as similar here - oxbridge siblings and I was the unsupported one (still successful by a normal person’s yardstick).

At my DS's college they didn't have to go to the college. It was online and then they got sent their certificates.

I read the “apparently ” post as that person not believing me

The access courses are quite good and helped me achieve and make uni a possibility, overall i understand your omg, but he's certainly worthy of Mi5/Mi6

Yes! And we got a Chinese that night

So did he make up that he'd got 100% in his maths A level? The time line doesn't make sense. You say he did A levels but then failed AS levels. AS levels are done before A levels aren't they?

@SharpOliveHam I lied to my family for years that I was still at university. I wasn't. I dropped out, didn't graduate. They thought I got a very respectable degree from a top 10 uni.

Why?

Because the pressure that they put on me was immense. My mental health went down the pan as a result and lying was easier than ever telling the truth.

You might want to think about why he waited until now to come clean...

My family are all dead now so I'm in the clear.

Your son sounds great.

Sad that your first thought is to talk about his ‘deception’ rather than a) celebrate his achievement and b) take a good hard look at yourself to understand why he was so worried to tell you.

He did this by himself. That’s an awful lot to be proud of.

But what was he studying? The UK post secondary system has me running in circles. And I was a visiting lecturer (from the US) at Oxford summer of 2008.

So he got there in the end. Why do you think he felt he had to lie?

No that was true. We discussed this with his head of year as son wanted to stay on at grammar but just for Maths A2. Was not possible in the end.

I can see my wording is a bit confusing in my opening post. You could easily read it as him doing his Access course at Edinburgh.

He only did his AS Levels at his secondary school. He got an A* in maths for AS Levels. But a U and some other low grades for the rest.

He also did an access course at the age of 17 when they are for adults aged 19+.

There's me failing basic Maths! He would have been 18 going on 19 after 2 failed years, I'm surprised they took him but he seems to be good at bullshitting!

I don't think this reflects well on him or his parents to be honest.

Well done him. I wouldn’t feel too bad about him not telling you - some people just want to “sort things” themselves. It’s a great sign of maturity and you should be very proud. (Minus the fake A-Level celebration 🙂)

It isn't 100% of the marks it is 100% ums which may be much less.

You have a very low opinion of our intelligence services. The OP seems quite easy to fool.
Didn't discuss anything he'd been doing at college, his exam schedule, etc. Didn't look at his actual results slip, that even my mostly illiterate grandmother in a developing country knows to ask for ( she can read alphabets separately and numbers).

I don't blame the lad OP for trying to cover up - but seriously 🤣 how could you not have worked it out

This is confusing. Where's the AAB come from? What did you think he was doing for four years?
I can't imagine disguising a three year degree lifestyle as a college / sixth former. What about friends, love interests etc?

Excellent