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To say F*** OFF to my ingrate teenagers

393 replies

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 19:45

School have broken up today.
My two teenagers have skulked in through the door, traipsing muddy footprints through the freshly mopped hallway (they cannot be arsed to remove their shoes despite my pleading for them to do this every day for the last 10 years)
Daughter (14) starts screaming at me straight away because her phone is dead and apparently its MY fault because apparently I washed her power pack (she cannot be bothered to empty out her blazer pockets before it goes through the wash despite me asking her ten times to bring down her laundry)
Son (15) moans about the vegetables I am preparing for their tea, and tells me don't bother I'm ordering a pizza, then pisses off up to his filthy room to no doubt sit on his Xbox for the next 6 weeks.
Daughter hears this, comes in, looks at the dish I am halfway through preparing, and says "urgh, I ain't eating that neither"

These kids are revoltng to me daily, as well as to each other.
They huff and puff at every (very reasonable) request of mine.
My daughter does this vile eyeroll which makes me feel quite homicidal!

I am constantly being compared to their friends' parents (such and such Mum lets them do this, that, everything YOU don't etc)

They are spoilt brats that I never spoilt growing up iyswim?

Constantly demanding money, I give them an extremely fair allowance every two weeks and I expect them to budget, they expect a constant flow of cash from me.

They are so slobby it's unreal, I am a very clean person and have always made sure they live in a tidy smart home. Daughter takes lenghty baths and leaves all her hairs congealed in the tub, hair mask and face clay masks splashed everywhere, she won't rinse them away despite me asking her nicely. Son will shave at the sink and bash his razor all over the side, leaving his stubble everywhere.
Both just expect me to clean it all and when I pull them up on it they just throw tantrums.
Daughter told me I belong in an asylum because I asked her to take out the recycling for me last week!

I try so hard to engage them, I suggest outings, or going out to a restaurant for some food, the whole time they both sulk, stare at their phones, moan at me for listening to the radio in the car, we end up just leaving early and I think why the hell bother??

They would both just rather sit in their rooms all day every day, they don't want to do anything, they used to do clubs but both got bored and now just sit on their phone, or Xbox all day.

Constant complaining about the food in this house, despite the cupboards and fridge always full of fresh produce, nutritious bits for them to snack on, we do have the odd treat and a nice desert now and then but I do try to feed them well. I appreciate they are getting older and have their own tastes, so I say come shopping with me, you can both chose what cereal, drinks etc we have in but they just moan the entire time. Or point blank refuse to come.

They leave bowls on the breakfast bar, leave the milk out, splashes everywhere. They cannot even be arsed to mop up after themselves or put the milk back in the fridge or even just put their bowls in the bloody sink
Actually washing up has never happened!

It is not uncommon for my daughter to walk into the same room as me, moan at me for breathing, or coughing, or sneezing, tell me I'm gross and then huff out the room!

Anyway, I GIVE UP.

I have written off these holidays and am taking time for just me. All of my 20s and half my 30s sacrificed for this pair of lazy sods and they treat me with utter contempt. I have planned some lovely coastal walks and a few lunch dates with some old friends, and my ungrateful kids can bugger off and entertain themselves now!

Time to get ME back!!!!

OP posts:
Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 23/07/2024 19:49

Take away their phones and Xbox and go out and have fun

SeulementUneFois · 23/07/2024 19:50

OP
For each incident of unpleasantness/ slobbyness you need to remove something that you do for them.
Like washing, lifts etc.

cupcaske123 · 23/07/2024 19:51

They're old enough to do chores for their pocket money and I assume there were consequences for your daughter shouting at you.

Maray1967 · 23/07/2024 19:51

Stop their allowance. It isn’t mandatory for parents to give their DC an allowance - and if my Ds16 behaved like this he’d get nothing.

PerfectTravelTote · 23/07/2024 19:51

🍷

Ratsoffasinkingsauage · 23/07/2024 19:52

Leave them behind. Go and have a nice time. Stop chasing them about and making requests. Live for yourself.

But I wouldn’t put up with rudeness. No need to shout just simply interrupt any rudeness and insist that you are going to exit the conversation until they’ll be polite.

And stop the pocket money. I wouldn’t be giving
money to anyone who treated me like crap.

INeedAnotherName · 23/07/2024 19:52

What consequences have they had throughout their childhood? Let's start with an easy one, the walking through the house with muddy shoes. What consequences did you give 10 years ago?

ChaiTeaOrTaiChi · 23/07/2024 19:56

No chores and no cleaning up after themselves = no money

I'd be changing the WiFi password as well.

Rhaidimiddim · 23/07/2024 19:56

Stop giving them money.

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 19:57

I am so downtrodden and miserable with it all though. I do take away their phones (Block them on Qustodio app) but then they get even worse and I am now at the point where a quite life takes priority over trying to raise decent human beings. I know how terrble that sounds but hey ho, it's true.

I did stop doing their laundry for a while. Told them both that if everything is downstairs, pockets emptied, everything the right way, so no bunched up socks, that I will do the laundry for them but if not they would have no clean clothes.
Son wasn't bothered in the slightest and would still be decaying in smelly clothes to this day and daughter eventually gave in but wouldn't empty her pockets and a whole wash was ruined by a blusher that made it's way into the machine, so now I have to double check everything (hence the power pack accusation)

OP posts:
Lovageandgeraniums · 23/07/2024 19:57

Is there a dad at home to back you up?

narniabusiness · 23/07/2024 19:57

Print out your OP and stick it on the fridge. Refer them to it if they try to ask you what’s for dinner etc.
They might just get the message.

edited to add - highlight the last paragraph

Drizzlethru · 23/07/2024 19:58

Stop allowance immediately. Their choice. Behave reasonably or no money.

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 20:01

Their Dad lives 3 hours away and is supportive. We get on very well, he has the same trouble (daughter especially very rude to him) but he doesn't see them as often and he used to becsuse they are much older now and don't really like going up there.

He gives them an allowance as well and tells them its for things like going out with mates, or things they need, but they just blow it on make up and the xbox.

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 23/07/2024 20:01

I am now at the point where a quite life takes priority over trying to raise decent human beings

You're being treated like crap by your kids. There's no respect, there are no boundaries, there's no discipline and they get rewarded for their feral behaviour with days out, cash and being waited on hand and foot.

ChaiTeaOrTaiChi · 23/07/2024 20:02

Do you have any times together where you feel happy and connected with them? This can really help.

An excellent book on this is Hold on to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 23/07/2024 20:02

The thing is choosing a ‘quiet life’ in the moment is the opposite of having a quiet life in the medium-long term. I wouldn’t have accepted my children walking shoes through the house, pick them up on it every time it happens (when they have forgotten something and think they’ll get away with it if they quickly walk through to the kitchen to get it), and generally I have a pretty quiet day to day life with them. It’s bloody hard work getting them to that point though. 13 years of consistency and consequences to ensure that the teenagers follow house rules.

gynaeissue · 23/07/2024 20:03

Cut off their allowance and limit their device time. Go out so you don’t have to listen to them moan. They can earn both back by doing chores and being pleasant to you and each other.

Toseland · 23/07/2024 20:03

narniabusiness · 23/07/2024 19:57

Print out your OP and stick it on the fridge. Refer them to it if they try to ask you what’s for dinner etc.
They might just get the message.

edited to add - highlight the last paragraph

Edited

I like the idea of printing your post out and sticking it on the fridge! 😄

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 20:05

cupcaske123 · 23/07/2024 20:01

I am now at the point where a quite life takes priority over trying to raise decent human beings

You're being treated like crap by your kids. There's no respect, there are no boundaries, there's no discipline and they get rewarded for their feral behaviour with days out, cash and being waited on hand and foot.

I know!

If my kids were a partner I would be getting all the support in the world to escape and get the hell out! But because they are my children I am expected to just put up and shut up.

I guess I'm just thinking its best to muddle on as best we can until they are both old enough to leave. They always tell me they don't want to live here with me as I'm so strict/boring/nagging/tight so I say the day you turn 18 off you go!

OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 23/07/2024 20:05

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 19:57

I am so downtrodden and miserable with it all though. I do take away their phones (Block them on Qustodio app) but then they get even worse and I am now at the point where a quite life takes priority over trying to raise decent human beings. I know how terrble that sounds but hey ho, it's true.

I did stop doing their laundry for a while. Told them both that if everything is downstairs, pockets emptied, everything the right way, so no bunched up socks, that I will do the laundry for them but if not they would have no clean clothes.
Son wasn't bothered in the slightest and would still be decaying in smelly clothes to this day and daughter eventually gave in but wouldn't empty her pockets and a whole wash was ruined by a blusher that made it's way into the machine, so now I have to double check everything (hence the power pack accusation)

Shame, you caved too quickly and they won.

Why not treat this 6 weeks as teen boot camp. First, go on your walks and see your friends and keep yourself mentally well. Then you can tackle this shit:

  • money is earned through chores only
  • Wifi is removed (for both of them) for 1 hour if there's any rudeness
  • Lifts, any other favours are tit for tat, i.e. after they've finished something you want done. Make sure your request is just as inconvenient to them as what they're asking of you
  • laundry as you had it originally, don't check pockets just sort the washes so only their stuff is ruined if they don't.

Good luck! They'll be absolute arseholes about it, but let's face it, they were going to be arseholes anyway, and this way you save some money and get some things done around the house.

Suzieandthemonkeyfeet · 23/07/2024 20:09

Do you know what you need to do? Shout - like really fucking shout. Show them that you’re a human being with feelings rather than a grey shadow that is there to service them.

Your dd does her own washing and let your son stink in his rotten shit.

Dig deep and find your strength and stop being a door mat

cupcaske123 · 23/07/2024 20:11

FedupMum2024 · 23/07/2024 20:05

I know!

If my kids were a partner I would be getting all the support in the world to escape and get the hell out! But because they are my children I am expected to just put up and shut up.

I guess I'm just thinking its best to muddle on as best we can until they are both old enough to leave. They always tell me they don't want to live here with me as I'm so strict/boring/nagging/tight so I say the day you turn 18 off you go!

But OP you're doing them a disservice. They need to learn essential life skills for when they leave home and to be decent human beings who treat others with respect.

Teach them how to cook simple meals, how to do their own washing, how to clean up after themselves. Teach them the value of money by paying them for a job well done. Develop and maintain healthy boundaries so they speak to you and each other with kindness and respect. Reward thoughtfulness and consideration and give consequences for bad behaviour to teach them to take responsibility.

itsmylife7 · 23/07/2024 20:12

Stop doing their washing and cooking for them.

Start eating out alone or with friends.

Start socialising without them.

They're old enough to be left alone.

And more importantly don't feel guilty.

Ungrateful little brats.

longdistanceclaraclara · 23/07/2024 20:13

They're taking you for a mug. Stop doing things for them. They'll realise when they have no clean clothes / dinners cooked / lifts / wifi that they need to figure it out themselves. They are old enough.

If they want to sit in their rooms for the summer let them get on with it, they are teens but I have a blanket no food and no drinks apart from water in their rooms which tempts them out a few times a day.