Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

Oh fuck off with that bollocks.

I don't think yabu if what you've typed is what is in my head

There will be plenty of skimpy bikinis that are fine.

This isn't fine as it doesn't fit her and just looks shit

I would hope someone would point out if something didn't fit me and looked bad ...

Sadly op maybe a life lesson.

And she can have 3 bikinis - nonsense from PP

She’s on a beach. By a pool. With her parents and grandparents. What’s going to happen to her? Presumably she’s not wearing the blasted thing for solo walks to the local bar at 10 o’clock at night.

Good for you. Bet you don't leer at teens wearing nothing though.

I like the idea of the OP and grandmother wearing similar bikinis, I have often wondered if body positivity extends to older bodies and older faces, not just larger-sized teens who conform to beauty standards and fashions in hair, makeup etc.

But I get what you’re saying. If you wear a floss bikini you have to be mindful of it, and move artfully if you want to look appealing, you can’t throw yourself around in the pool, bend over to shake out your towel, etc etc there will be lots of questionable photos if she has as much fun as the kids I’m on holiday with.

Where does op say it doesn't fit her? She is a size 6. Op just thinks it's inappropriate. It's nothing to do with it not fitting. It's ops view that only certain bikinis and body types go together, which is rubbish.

So huffing runs in the family?

What on earth does DD’s swimwear have to do with your father??

They're really not.

If the bikini does not cover her breasts and vulva, then I would feel similar. If it does, then ok, whatever.

It’s wider family, not just op. If grandparents aren’t happy, they should say something. They are objectifying a 15 year old though!

Grazia has a feature on Love Island bikinis and most look fairly normal to me. A few micro ones but most are ok.

What if the 15yo doesn't like the grandads choice of swim wear? Should she say something too?

Do you know what.
You've just dragged out a memory of me bikini shopping with my mum when I was 14/15
I had curves everywhere a bit of a crisp habit.

I distinctly remember my (size18!!!) Mother telling me "you've got saddlebags in that one" and
"That one gives you love handles"

I'm now 37, have battled between a size 8 to 10 my whole life, and to this day I struggle taking my daughter swimming as I am SO self conscious in swim wear.

Whilst I TOTALLY understand you don't want your teenager prancing round with her bits out. Please please PLEASE do not extinguish that confidence.

We had a similar issue when we went away and my dd insisted on wearing the Shein bikini she bought (and I didn't approve of).

It was one of the triangle type, with a gold chain for sides, that left nothing to the imagination. We went scuba diving and she had been in about a whole 4 minutes, and the chain snapped.

Luckily she had shorts to put over them. She even tried to fix them later bit thankfully didn't succeed.

So my advice, make her take a pair of shorts along to the pool.

We all know that there are different styles of bikinis available on the market 🙄 you’re really telling me they’re all fine for all occasions?

Maybe she doesn’t plan on swimming much and it’s more for bobbing in the water and sun bathing.

Maybe she does have a normal
one with her hidden away so mum can’t find it and it will appear once the novelty of this itty bitty teeny weenie yellow poka dot bikini has worn off.

though arguing over it will only make her more determined.

she's a size 6 but has developed hips and breasts…If I thought she was overweight I would say so... ones she's chosen are for girls who are smaller again and with different build.

Don’t even know where to start with this garbage.

I think YABU. You’re making a thing out of it and embarrassing everyone. Why on earth would the 85 year old even comment?

I’d have been topless at that age and not cared a hoot. FWIW, I was 15 in 1987 and topless was almost compulsory.

I see nothing wrong with the bikinis linked. If your daughter’s ok with her bikini choices, let her crack on.

I wouldn't mind that.
That to me is a normal style bikini. The Roxy one is similar, the other one has a racer back.

The shein ones are fucking tiny on her.

I think we all know the style of bikini the OP is talking about and no, they are not appropriate for a family holiday. I’d bring her somewhere and let her pick out a few pairs that are appropriate for swimming and jumping in and out of the pool.

I'd suggest going down the route of pointing out that while she looks fantastic, you are more concerned about what other people around her are thinking, emphasising on non age appropriate men. Thinking the beer bellied 50 year old with man boobs is ogling her might change her mind.

Of course YANBU. It's inappropriate.

What if the 15 year old doesn’t want to see grandads pasty flabby white furry chest? I don’t think he would be made to cover up somehow.

To be fair OP, can you give us an idea of the type of bikini you mean - maybe a google photo of one with similar coverage?

I think the bikini that @Mummyoflittledragon is perfectly fine for a 15yr old so it depends if you mean something like that or more revealing?

I know there are important messages re bodily autonomy, and the fact that women should be able to wear whatever they want without being shamed - but all of that is possible while also considering circumstances and cultural standards too. For example, most people would agree that going to Mass in a church while wearing pair of hot pants with your arse cheeks showing and a crop top showing underboob and side boob would be really inappropriate and disrespectful.

Being a feminist doesn't mean that you don't ever consider other people. Of course anyone can wear whatever they want - but we also have societal norms (which apply to men too). If I was on holiday with my grandparents, it would be inappropriate to come down to breakfast wearing a skimpy, transparent negligee style of nightwear. PJ shorts and a crop top pyjama top? Fine.

As adults, it's easier to judge what's appropriate and not. And we understand that not all types of clothing should be worn in every set of circumstances. But as a 15 yr old who wants to wear a bikini as modelled on bloody TIk-Tok - they're not really thinking beyond that.

If OP was just going to the beach with her DD, I think it's less of an issue, even if the bikini is a bit too revealing. But sat around the pool with grandparents - and spending lots of time in the water (so presumably a high risk of everything slipping out of the scant coverage)? I'd not be keen on that at all.

Also, speaking as a woman with big old jubblies, yes, big boobs do make a difference. Smaller boobs can make an outfit look more modest whereas bigger breasts often look more revealing (even if that's not the case).