Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

It doesn't sound like you need to do anything. There's nothing wrong with your daughter, she's just apparently got some unkind kids (and parents) in her class. Just make sure she knows how great she really is.

She's just being a kid! Everyone is different. She is not the problem, it's the people around her that are the problem!

What do they feel is the actual problem?

If they think she is silly and weird because they're all into make up and TikTok and she's into toys then that is one thing,

If they think she is silly and weird because she follows them around and imitates them etc that's a different story.

Why do they think she is silly and weird?

I think the problem here is the other mum.

At 10 I wouldn't worry too much if it's just immaturity. She'll soon change. That last year at primary/first year of secondary marks a huge shift in maturity and they change fast.

That's a really unhelpful and vague comment.

Let her be weird and childish. Kids grow up too quickly. As long as she isn’t harming anyone with it then what does it matter?

I was a weird and childish child but at the same time could be trusted to be grown up and responsible when I needed to be.

I liked childish things for probably too long but my mum knew she could rely on me to be kind, polite and sensible. Which are the things that really matter. I never got myself into danger and could be very level headed in times of emergency.

100% this. I do also think though that when you’re the oldest sibling (especially if close ish age gaps) you can seem to be a bit immature with your peers because you spend a lot of your time at home playing/interacting with your younger siblings.

She said her DD told her my DD goes up to people and says “I like Poop”, I know how silly this is and we have spoken about it. It’s a recent thing I would say around 5 months now she’s been talking a lot about poop etc. I’ve told her not to say these words and if she has to just to her close friends but she goes up to kids she doesn’t even know and tells them how much she likes poo etc.

My child IS silly and weird, but they do have ADHD.
There's nothing you can do and it was unkind of the person who told you to have mentioned it.

I can't imagine what kind of a twat would think it's ok to say that to you.

My summer born was definitely more baby ish than others at this stage.

Is your daughter happy? That's all that matters.

What kind of idiot woman would say that people think their 10 year old is weird. She’s the bludy strange one! I mean no adult I know would say such a ridiculous thing. It’s the irony, it takes a weird to say that, at least DD is only 10!

That's a nasty thing to say to you by the other mum, especially without context or examples. Sounds like she said that for effect rather than out of concern.

I was very immature growing up. I had a very traumatic childhood and I’ve really tried making my kids lives happy and they have not ever gone without. I just feel I’m to blame somehow. Maybe I haven’t exposed her to enough play dates or have more adults around? It’s always kids activities we do.

Well, that is peculiar. Um… any reason why she does that? She is old enough to articulate her reasons.

It’s just that parents can tell their children to be kind and inclusive until they’re blue in the face, but kids won’t listen. Not when their peer is behaving very oddly. They just won’t. I know we are meant to tell our kids to just be themselves but at some point, there needs to be a discussion about protecting themselves from bullying and comments by behaving appropriately for the situation; like not going around talking about how much she likes “poop.”

Took me straight back. We had very similar comments from school about our son, also young in year and also (in his case) quite a late developer. I was very upset at the time and was aware it was impacting his ability to make friends. He was also struggling to keep up academically. Things improved around time he started secondary and continued to do so. Now in second year of his degree at RG university and it's all a difficult but distant memory. Hope you have similar experience but in meantime, I know how you are feeling. X

I’ve asked her why she says that and she responds “because it’s funny”.

Sorry op, but that actually is silly and weird. Have you told her to stop doing it?!

A 10 year old talking about poop is quite immature and I can see how other children her age would find her behaviour “weird”

a 4 year old running around giggling about poop is to be expected but not 10. Just keep remind her it’s silly talk and what babies do.

if she’s starting senior school in sept try and get as involved with other parents with children starting at the same time. There’s usually Fb groups etc. Arrange some group park get together to try and get your child surrounded by her new peers to ease her in to secondary school life.

You’re not to blame. Your daughter isn’t either. I would still be considering neurodiversity. Although her primary setting have discounted it, secondary school could well pick it up.

@S1lverCandle lots of times but she still does it.

@marshmallowface thsts lovely! Any advice you would give your younger self? Also what did he say or do that was immature?

And what do you say? Have you talked about expected behaviour in certain situations and how she needs to manage certain impulses when in school because of how people are going to treat her?

Have you explained to her that other people might not find that funny, that it’s a private thing rather than something we tell everybody in the playground about? My nephew went through a phase of being obsessed with talking about poo/pumps when he was 6/7 years old and after a conversation about boundaries and what was appropriate to talk about in school etc he dropped it

Honestly - so what if shes a bit weird? Aren’t we all in our own way? Embrace her silliness, her quirkiness. It’s what’s special about that girl. you don’t have a robot.

There's nothing special about talking to people you don't even know about poo, @tennesseewhiskey1
"Embracing" this nonsense is really not the way to go.