Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

Thinking about it my now 11 year old went through a stage of the same at 10, we had to be pretty firm that it wasn't funny and that people didn't think it was funny. He does have asd though so can be a bit immature and doesn't always think before he says something

Yes, I get that especially reading OP's further comments re what she rad been saying.. this will likely need some intervention and guidance. And like she needs to learn some good manners/boundaries/social skills.

But when it comes to kids (particularly girls) in early secondary, some can be so mean and try to quash other kids' exuberance and individuality. To this I say pish - be loud, weird and silly. My daughter embraces this side of herself (I have had to fight my inner patriarchal urge to get her to quash and quiet it..) and she has lots of friends. Always well behaved in class etc.?

Did you mean to be such a bitch? I think would be the proper response to the mum's comment.

Kids say weird shit all the time I was a lunchtime supervisor for years and that wouldn't phase me

I’m 60-odd and I’m still weird and childish

If you are only ever doing kids activities and not having time alone with her doing some things a bit more grown up, she is going to act age related to the life she's living. Take her out on her own sometimes away from the younger ones, have a girlie day, shopping and afternoon tea, these type of things that make her feel a bit more grown up ready for secondary school. I always find that an older sibling seems much younger, and a younger sibling seems much older as they have each other to learn from.

I’ve got a weird kid. His hobbies are warhammer and dungeons and dragons, he plays in a brass band, he has a quirky sense of humour. He is definitely what you’d call a weird kid.

But there are lots of barriers of weird and need and geek and they all find their tribe, he has.

What the OP’s child is doing is not the same as weird fun quirky kid. It’s just peculiar and will isolate her. That’s all there is to it. Mum needs to put a stop to that behaviour and have a chat about expected behaviours and reactions of peers.

🙄

Is she for secondary is September? Yeah I'd be a bit worried, it's very immature and something my kids would have done at the eldest 7 (mine do have adhd and asd)

Try some social stories about how to initiate conversions.

I'd also be having discussion that high school we have to act a bit more mature. Going up to someone and saying I like poop is not acceptable and she will be told off in school for being rude. (Nevermind being bullied)

I'd also be putting a consequence on place if she is saying it to adults - it's cheeky and rude at her age

The great thing is it’s ok to be different now.

What you need to do is work on your own resilience and ability to accept your daughter so she is able to be resilient and has good self-esteem.
The problem here is the parents of the children calling her weird, my children would be pulled up on that nastiness straight away, I wouldn't be joining in on it.
As long as your daughter isn't harming anyone else she should be able to be her true self. Trying to stiffle that is only going to lead to mental health problems and problems in your relationships.
As long as she is confident she will find her people at secondary school and as an adult

My friends child kept saying strange things at that age 10/11, like you are poop and my mum knows santa. Really strange stuff. But a nice and intelligent girl. When she got to 12, she got worse. She had a positive assessment for autism.

This - it's fine for a 10YO to act like a 10YO. Avoid this parent and child if you can and maybe have a word with the teacher about potential bullying.

This isn't being quirky. It's rude and bizarre for a child heading to high school to say that.

Social stories and consequences

@Fishcake18 I would say and think 'great - my ability to be silly and weird are two of my best qualities.'

So, you are at work, at a party, in the park, on a train and someone comes up to you and starts talking about poo and how much they love it. You tell them you are not interested, they are inappropriate and to go away and you think they are right in thinking and saying ‘my ability to be silly and weird are two of my best qualities’?

Even, worse case, and I have a child who has ASD and for whom childhood was difficult, why on earth would you entertain and encourage a child to do this because it shows their ‘good qualities’?

But all her 10 year old peers have an issue with it, so it's not really normal 10 year old behaviour at all, is it?

She's not acting like a 10yo though, she's acting like a 3 or 4yo.

Poop is peak 10YO joke material. This is a very strange judgement on a child.

Does she have friends at school? It sounds to me that she's trying to initiate an interaction but doesn't know how to do it in a way that other ten year olds would. Social stories as others have mentioned may be helpful. Quirks should be embraced but on the flip side other children aren't as magnanimous as adults. Sadly, fitting in is quite important and to fit in you have to be able to read the room which she may not be able to do.

I would say - as a long term teacher of upper KS2 - that your DD’s behaviour us sufficiently unusual to merit some concern, especially if she has been told repeatedly that it is not appropriate but is unable to modify her behaviour.

It isn’t ‘weird’ or ‘quirky’ in a fun way, is a long way from being age appropriate and would suggest that there is some underlying reason why her social skills are not developing typically. Autism would be my first thought, and is definitely one to really keep in mind as girls typically mask ND much more than boys do, but the consequences of this on long term MH etc can be serious.

None of her peers are amused. Doesn't that suggest anything to you?

School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related.

My advice to younger self would be to try and ignore the negative comments and just carry on loving and supporting your child. My son used to get fixated on words and repeat them, just be generally very silly and also not pick up on social clues so would I think irritate other kids at times who could be quite cruel (along with their mums!), resulting in him being excluded from friendship groups etc ... Honestly, some of the kids who at the time I would look at and wish my son was more like, have not matured in way you'd expect so I wish I'd known that too. When I look back and remember how embarrassed I was at times, I feel vaguely ashamed and am only able to admit this as it's an anonymous forum.
Just be there for your daughter and carry on showing her you love her and try not to worry too much x

Sounds a bit attention seeking tbh…maybe she’s not as confident as you think, does she have trouble making friends? She’s old enough to understand that playing silly games wins silly prizes …it’s not going to help her at school she’ll easily end up with a nick name of like poo girl or something silly like that - people will take the piss out of her for sure nip that in the bud

Already modified response in another comment after this, as had not read op's further info about the poo comments. You also must not have read my further modification. ☺️