Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

It's not a one-way street though. Of course kids should be taught not to exclude or be unkind, but it's not fair to expect them to go out of their way to connect with "special and unique" peers who don't make the effort to read the room.

Not all SEN leads are good at recognising that autism presents very differently in girls .
(As PP has said “girls typically mask ND much more than boys do, but the consequences of this on long term MH etc can be serious.”

I guess her younger siblings find it funny but the kids her age, less so. She’s trying to fit in and make them laugh but getting the vibe a little wrong.

It’s harsh but teen life can be harder so def explore the things posters are saying. Id make sure she has some creative outlets like drama outside of school to keep her self esteem high.

She does sound a bit silly and immature, but no more than that. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it once she goes to senior school.

She’s probably just young for her age.

I think that mum is being a dick. My DDs friends and even some of their parents would call her weird at times, because she loves magic and fairies, getting mucky and rolling in the dirt. Many
of her friend would never have done this at any age.

Sounds like you are concerned about the poo chat so carry on trying to address that, but I disagree with pps that laughing about poo is only for 4yr olds. There’s inappropriate places to discuss that kind of thing which she needs to learn about, and especially that some people feel offended by that. But try not to be shamed by other people - I think people can be so uptight. She’s learning about the world and how to navigate it. And she is a child, so no wonder she’s childish.

The problem here is the other mum - i cannot for the life of me imagine a situation where one of my kids said there's this weird kid at school who says she likes poop and I then went and sought out the mother of this child and repeated this. Your DD is 10, it sounds like the sort of stupid thing some 10 year olds would say. If your DD was a DS I think it might be written off as a silly thing boys do. Unless you have other concerns about your DD forget about it and give this other mother a wide berth.

I don’t think it’s mean if the other mum at all. She was right to tell you what others are saying, but of course it hurts. For you & for your girl. You are aware of the issue, though. Keep encouraging your daughter, not fitting in is a part of life & it’s not easy.

I think a Yr 6 behaving like that goes beyond normal immaturity for that age. Dd1 wasn't into boys or make-up in Yr 6 and grew apart from her friends that were, but she also wouldn't think saying poo was funny. She had a sweet group of slightly less mature kids who still liked playing imaginary games.

I do think that kind of behaviour will mark her out at secondary. Dd2 had a girl who she found quite uncomfortable at the start of year 7 that would randomly hug people.

All the posts saying that the news bearer was being a bitch and to ignore her are doing you no favours.

Of course our children are precious and no less worthy if they’re immature or odd but secondary schools are brutal places.

We need to see our children as others see them if we want them to be socially competent and survive the slipstream of secondary education. Teenage peers who will not hesitate to try and make any lone gazelle conform to the pack. This can resort to bullying which has long term effects on mental health so it’s better if she understands this now.

Even if she’s different and quirky (and lots of children are), she still needs to learn appropriate responses and engagement. Most children have learned or can mimic this by 11, but some children (I was one) need additional support, role play and a bit of tough love.

People have said I'm weird all my life. I've still had loads of friends, boyfriends, and made plenty of weird and regular friends when I got to uni. It might just be a school thing. School really didn't like weird. Adults are fine with weird.

Is she missing social cues? I.e. it's obvious that other children are finding her weird but she can't see it? Because that is an autistic trait, as is wanting to socialise but not knowing how to get the conversation started.

Is she happy OP? Or is she coming to you upset that she’s struggling with friendships and people being mean?

If it’s the former then just leave her be. She’ll mature eventually and probably very quickly indeed from September when she starts secondary.

(That mum sounds like a right bitch btw)

This definitely goes far beyond ‘not normal’ and more into ND territory I feel.

I’d keep an eye on her. When choosing a secondary school look what provision they have for nurture or social support.
Can I recommend girlguiding- guides? For age 10-13. We do a lot to encourage friendships and build confidence. I’m a leader and in our group of girls there’s a big range of maturity and behaviour.
The poop thing reminds me of a girl we had who would talk about inappropriate things and not pick up on social clues/no ability to read room. As she got older she found her niche with younger ones. No diagnosis but I suspected she may be diagnosed with autism.

Also wanted to add to my previous comments that my son's "weirdness/ silliness" has morphed into one of his strengths which is a great sense of humour. X

Also - the mum was a complete bitch. But unfortunately children in secondary school could be even more mean so I think it’s kinder to help her with advice/ support that doesn’t make her feel bad about herself.

That woman is a bitch. Your daughter will more than likely grow out of it. My ds used to change a lot over the summer, who knows what the new term will bring?

How did it come up with this other mum? I know plenty of ten year olds who would happily talk about poo so I don’t think that’s particularly weird. Not all children fit in with their peers and it’s not for you to ‘fix her’. What are the attributes she has to celebrate and let’s go from there.

At 10? My DS Went through a poop and wee obsession but he was FOUR and still in nursery not headed to secondary school

Absolutely this ^

I'd also find a way to enroll her in drama classes, dancing, and/ or some kind of team sport.

Does she do chores at home? Is she responsible for some important element of keeping the home ticking over?

What does she read? What programmes does she watch? Does she play a lot with her younger sisters?

Could you ask your daughter what the "random kids" do when she goes up and says this to them?

If she says "they just laugh" then it could be she's trying to become the class clown because "everyone loves a clown right". Wrong.
Attention seeking and lonely.

She may think they are laughing with her when they are laughing at her and she needs told that.

If she says they look shocked and that she laughs at their reaction then she's doing it for her own personal pleasure.

If she appears to be doing it so other kids will talk to her then she needs better guidance on how to strike up conversations without making a fool of herself.

I agree with the ethos of let kids be kids and have fun but this isn't fun any more and she will be hurt as someone will take offence. What happens if she starts talking to adults like that? It won't end well.

As a PP said, this convo wouldn’t have taken place if your DD was a DS.

Little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice…. 🙄

She probably doesn’t want your kid rubbing off on her kid. It’s not really normal for a 10 year old. I’d probably tell your daughter others will find her weird if she continues (given you’ve already said you told her to stop lots of times)

I know you don't have a Time Machine but for others reading this particular who have summer borns due to start in this September or next considering deferring them , you are doing them no favours sending them to school at age 4 and high school barely 11. Yes survived bias plenty if posters will say I /my child was fine but research and statistics say otherwise.
Op I would not trust a Senco saying your dd isn't neurodivergent they rarely can spot it in girls especially.

Sounds to me like you need to chanel the great Luna Lovegood.

In the books, Luna is different and very comfortable with that fact. She is a wonderful character and well worth getting aquainted with.

Two of mine had imaginary games with poopoo heads right up to 13 ish. They howl with laughter now when they remember. Emojiis and the emoji film seemed to kick start it, along with the fact that it was a little transgressive.

The worst thing you could do is go down a rabbit hole of "your fault, weird Johnny no mates child etc".

There are millions of ways to exist in this world and being easy in one's skin is pretty fundamental for a decent life.