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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Been told my child is very weird and childish

359 replies

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:10

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

OP posts:
Idontknowwhattocallmyself1 · 25/07/2024 07:28

mathanxiety · 25/07/2024 00:06

Poo jokes - yes, they might be seen as funny by both boys and girls if they were once-offs or genuinely funny.
Example -
Q - What's brown and sticky?
A - A stick.

Approaching children and saying "I like poo" is not a joke. It is not funny. It has alienated the girls in the class. It would make the boys look askance at her too.

It is not a "double standard."

The boys would look askance at her because it's a girl saying it, if it was a boy I don't believe they would. It's not appropriate from either but it would raise far less eyebrows if it was a boy doing it.

robovacsareepic · 25/07/2024 08:12

That's interesting @Gee54 my elder dd (later autism diagnosis) was like that. It was a combination of never really getting comfortable in a group setting and post school exhaustion that would always make her lose her enthusiasm for the activity.

In general, making a few new non school friends who are more accepting/get on better is always helpful as I find in every class that towards the end of every term they have little dramas and scraps.

Fahbeep · 25/07/2024 08:52

Others will have said this, but ND doesn't always manifest as learning difficulty. It can be limited to social difficulty, and that puts it off radar for school intervention.

Loonaandalf · 25/07/2024 15:32

Gee54 · 24/07/2024 21:04

She has joined classes/clubs in the past like karate and swimming but gets bored really quickly and wants to stop after a few sessions

I work in the child psychology field so thought I’d give you my view. I think she could have a bit of neurodiversity but if it’s not affecting her negatively there’s likely no need to peruse support for her. Although maybe in her teen years she will need some counselling if she is getting shunned a lot and loses confidence.

I was this kid, I was ‘weird’ and never quite fit in, I still don’t. I don’t really conform and find most girly/ feminine conversations silly and boring. My sense of humour is only understood by a few. I fit in more with boys when I was younger but now I just have a few close friends who I can rely on, they are also a bit ‘eccentric’ I would say. I wish I had more friends, more of a girl gang, I’ve had this in the past but felt like I had to constantly be fake and act like a sheep to keep up with them. It’s exhausting.

my point is, it is lonely to be a bit different but there’s not much you can do to change it. Changing it will only break her confidence/ ruin her self worth. Think of a trait you might have, for example are you introverted or extrovertd? Imagine someone telling you this trait is wrong, that you need to change etc., you might end up faking it but you wouldn’t be able to change it and faking it will effect your mental health over time. it’s the same for your DD.

Saying that, it’s important to help her find her tribe, what are her interests? Could she join some something niche and nerdy? Drama, Minecraft, arts/ crafts clubs? I’m sure there’s more niche interests than this that she might enjoy.

you may have to guide her a bit more to have manners/ read the room but do this in a sensitive way. Criticism wont help her but constructive feedback and connecting/ accepting will help.

Would she get on with boys more? Could you try find her some boy mates? Or clubs more common with boys? I say this because her behaviour sounds a bit more boyish than girlish which is fine.

Qanat53 · 25/07/2024 16:39

Making conversation, small talk, making friends, is learned. But no one really teaches these social skills. People just watch and learn what works, but might need to be actively watching and trying. Words that got smiles and laughs at one age, don’t work later. New skills need to be learned. Not many children are really good at it all the time.

ND, or not - A diagnosis doesn’t magically change anything. Focus on improving that one thing.

Your child can learn how to communicate better, with your support in watching social skills videos, acting out situations with toys doing the talking and then discussing what could be different, how other might be feeling.

I’ve noticed that some popular children at 10 say vile mean things, the nice kids are rarely the most popular. There’s a lot going on at school all the time.

Does occur to me that that other mum might be ND, have impulse control deficits or and herself needs to learn social skills.

2AND2GC · 04/08/2024 14:52

Just thinking of you, OP.

How are you? How are things?

Gee54 · 05/08/2024 14:58

2AND2GC · 04/08/2024 14:52

Just thinking of you, OP.

How are you? How are things?

Thank you so much for thinking about me, She’s been very happy over holidays and I’ve really tried to engage her in some play dates which have been good. She seems to really get along with kids one-one. We had a few play dates with some boys we’ve known for a while and some girls from her class. This week I’m focusing on the neighbours! We don’t really know our neighbours but I’m making the effort this week. There’s no girls her age but we’re seeing 2 sets of neighbours with boys similar age to her.

hope everyone is well and enjoying the summer x

OP posts:
2AND2GC · 05/08/2024 17:24

I'm so pleased to hear this.

I hope you both have a good summer and that a line has been drawn and that she'll have a bit of a reset in September.

Sending good wishes to you and your girlie.

Gee54 · 05/08/2024 18:06

@2AND2GC thank you so much xx

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