Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

What I noticed is that in Y6 there are big ranges in the maturity of the girls.

My DD is autistic and she was still playing with her dolls in Y6. Now she is Y7 she has put her baby dolls aside but has got into Monster High dolls now. I read on here that people thought a 10 year old was too old for the playground. My DD is 12 and still plays in the playground. I'm happy for her to grow up at her own pace. Her best friend is on the same maturity level as her. They can be quite grown up at times - starting to like fashion and shopping and listening to music. But they still play together too.

I understand why you were upset, though. And being less mature doesn't make her weird! Keep an eye in case there are signs of ND. But other than that let her grow up at her own pace. Lots of Y7 will be on the young side too.

i have a late summer born - well end of July and she was youngest in her year. Reception teacher told me she was “childish” - she was Four! i made the point if she was 5 weeks younger she’d still be in nursery. She stayed young for her peer group until 6th form really but had a similar friend at secondary so it didn’t really affect her - she was happy being herself. how is your DD? is it bothering her or is it just you that is worried?

And that’s wonderful… but she won’t have any friends.
Sometimes it is important to learn to regulate some of our impulses in order to actually have our school years without misery.

She probably finds people's reactions funny. Even teens do things for shock value cos it's the reaction they want.

I can't get over a grown adult saying something so spectacularly unhelpful, she's made it all the way to being an adult without learning manners!
Or was she trying to be constructive and supportive!?

Hmmm. Just wondering if she's confused about sorming friendships or appropriate social interactions. I wonder if there is some immaturity in speech and language/social skills. If you can scrape together the money and can fine one, then I would recommend an assessment by a SALT followed by a short course of sessions giving her strategies on social communication. It does sound like she is quite immature in her underand this will knock on on her comprehension and inferential skills.

I think it does matter, because if you get known as the silly weird kid then you get lonely quite quickly, as no-one will want to be seen being friendly with you for fear of being tarred with the same brush. I speak from experience because I was the silly weird kid myself. Eventually I noticed that all the other kids (esp girls) were turning away from me with looks of disdain and/or disgust, and modified my behaviour accordingly. It would have been doing me a favour for someone to spell it out to me before then tbh.

Not sure about DD but Random Mum needs some social skills training!

Thank you I will research into this now. Sorry I never heard of SALT. I will definitely find the money if it would help you think. What do others think of this?

Have you sat down with her and explained that it's rude and simply not funny. Explain that it will make people think less of her if she keeps doing it and they will start to avoid her.. I think it won't make her less of an individual if she is not going up to unknown children talking about her love for excrement. Sometimes children need guidance on manners and I remember some real clangers I made as a child - I still wince at them - and wish I'd been warned.

Someone called your kid weird and your first reaction is to ask how you can change your daughter and not to tell the woman to piss off.
Agree going up to people and asking about poop warrants a conversation and you need to explain that somethings are not polite to say, but unless there are lots of other things going on then just accept your daughter and her personality.

It wasn’t great that the other mum spoke about her like that but I think it’s great that you have open and honest chats with your dd about what to say to friends. Keep the conversation going, without making her feel bad.
She won’t always be saying this, but she may always be a little quirky. She’ll find her own gang of slightly unusual people as she grows up. As a teacher, I like the quirky ones as long as they’re kind.

Honestly? It is a bit weird, I wouldn't even say immature just weird, it's not school appropriate in reception let alone her age. Are you sure there's not more going on behind the scenes, other children really struggling to deal with your dc? There could be actual reasons for her behaviour. August birthday isn't a reason by year 5/6 (I'm an august birthday). I would suggest working over the summer holidays on when things are appropriate, when we should keep thoughts to ourselves, learning to read the situation in the room (not only nd kids can struggle with this) and so on. It's certainly not something to get really stressed about but I would take it as a wake up call that perhaps things aren't typical currently

OP, I have lots of experience with kids.

This instantly brought to mind the kids I’ve known who were later diagnosed with asd.

This!
Far too many girls are trying to be grown up before their time. Lots are still a bit babyish in the later years of primary school and quickly grow up in the first year of year 7. But ‘weird’ is not a nice word to use. Acting like a 10 year old and not a 15 year old is fine, unless as PP says, she is acting like a kid under 10.

Precisely this. I was weird to some in school and others were weird to me.

Sorry but if she’s still doing this at secondary she will be repeatedly told she is weird and that’ll be the nicest thing they say.

Mmm, I think going up to random kids and saying 'I like poop' is a bit of a problem, actually.

You haven't described the other mother's tone, but it could be she's concerned about your daughter.

It sounds like attention-seeking behaviour – looking for a reaction. Unfortunately, other kids won't respond kindly to it. Your daughter could find herself on the outside of friendship groups, if she carries on with it. Sounds like you may need to guide your daughter on appropriate social behaviour. Some kind of social thing outside school could be a good idea, to help build confidence and learn to seek the right kind of attention – that is, positive reactions from other kids, for being friendly and judging social situations correctly.

I would say and think 'great - my ability to be silly and weird are two of my best qualities.' 😁 and help her to see that too.

😬 not a great idea for a school child who wants friends

Don’t know where people are getting that the other girls are all tik toking /make up wearing mean girls. It’s not nice to hear but actually I would be grateful for the heads up. Being rejected by your peers going into tween years is not a happy place to be - now you can help her socially.

Honestly, neither you or your DD need to change anything.

This poor excuse for a human being, let alone a Mother, has shown herself, and probably her child, for what they are. She got something out of that conversation. She probably made herself feel better by putting your child down. Can you even imagine being that big of an arsehole?

In life, you meet many twats. Best not to feed them.

Go hug your wonderful little individual daughter and tell her to be unashamedly herself and screw anyone's opinion on it.

Do yourself a favour and swerve that bitch going forward. Please don't encourage your child to change to fit in with them. She'll find her own tribe.

My DSS was very much like this at 10. He'd say very similar things, about poo and wee and farts etc. He loves to shock people. It's a form of attention seeking - bad attention is still attention. For my DSS it was because he was feeling like his two older siblings got more attention than him.

Do you give her one on one attention often?

The mum is a rude cow.Youd get slapped for that by some.

@tennesseewhiskey1 Embrace her silliness, her quirkiness. It’s what’s special about that girl

You think that going up to people, be it friends or not, and talking about poo and how much you like it, makes a person special? It’s certainly special in a way, but not a way that’s going to be conducive about getting through life. Honestly, how would you like people coming up to you and going on about poo and how much you like it? The other kids obviously aren’t appreciative, and most people can understand this.

OP, I don’t think you are doing your child any favours to advise limiting this nonsense to friends as opposed to every random at school. Friends are not going to put up with this either and she’ll be left with none. Best tell her just to cut it out now pronto, she may think it’s funny, no one else does and it stops right now or there will be consequences.

I know the school do not think she is ND. But i wonder if some of the social stories and role playing that are used to teach ND children social skills might help her?
I would listen to the school that they have no real worries about her. They see a lot of children and know what is age appropriate best. But I would also look at helping her develop social skills as will make her life much easier.