Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

Ah, that’s important context that was missing from your OP. The other kids would find that disturbing and it isn’t surprising they talk about her and tell their parents.
Is she able to understand why you’re telling her this isn’t ok? Can she grasp that most people don’t find it funny and don’t like her saying it?

With you on this.

And I think you should thank the other woman who spoke to you. You have a chance to help your child now. It's really important to help a child navigate the tween social world.

Yes to this.

People find base humour funny at all ages. It's one of the fundamentals of humour. Eg there are plenty of adults that still find farts funny. It's either the incongruity that's funny or the reversal of social norms.

Sometimes it's not even about eliciting a response from your audience and just about making yourself smile.

I am not sure that is what people are saying though.

No I don’t believe she told me to be malicious or rude I genuinely think she’s been trying to tell me for a while and just came out with it today. I have spoken to her about my DD being excluded in the past and I now have my answer. It was t said to cause upset it was said to help me understand why other kids don’t want DD around it invite her to birthday parties.

Schools often don’t see signs of ND, because kids mask at school, and because whilst they claim to have their finger on the pulse of the child’s social interaction with the peer group,they only really see the tip of the iceberg. I wouldn’t rule it out, I’m not saying she is, but I just wouldn’t take the schools comments about it as being final either

I was about to comment OP as i knew this was the issue. Shes trying to find a way in socially and has noticed some funny kids can seem popular, they make people laugh, so she's simplistically thought I'll try to be funny.... But it never works, you cant try to be funny you either are or you arent.
Your best advice to her is not to try and make people laugh and be funny but just to be herself, be calm, but also be kind to others.
Have you had kids in the class over for a playdate? Kids are often more themselves in a one on one scenario where they dont have to compete for attention.

I go a Slimming World group where there is a woman who is weird. She says oddly inappropriate things, is quite loud, thinks things she says/does are funny that aren't, and does not seem to have any impulse control. When she first started everyone was a bit 'Hmm' about her- you could see it in their reactions. However, she has been very open about the fact she is ND and has ADHD. She takes medication and there is a big difference when she is medicated.
But, we have all just got to know her and like her and appreciate her for who she is- medicated or not. She's very nice, thoughtful, kind, funny, sensitive to other people, supportive of them and such a good mum. She drove me mad at first but I barely notice it now and look forward to a chat with her every week.
Being different isn't the end of the world.We should all be a bit more tolerant and embrace difference.

Unfortunately this is exactly the type of thing I did (and worse!) when I was 10, and admittedly look back in embarrassment/horror! The woman's comment was not okay at all but I do think you need to address it with your daughter - it would have made a massive difference to me.

At that age, peer groups are becoming more clearly defined and some girls can struggle with that. I remember cliques starting to emerge and feeling for the first time like I didn't fit in anywhere. I was clever and geeky so thought that by being funny, I'd get people to like me, and would behave/say things not unlike your daughter's comments.

I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, but could easily see this happening in someone who isn't ND but nevertheless struggles with social cues/otherwise fitting in.

I’ve tried many times to get her into brownies and rainbows but it never goes anywhere. I emailed and contacted girl guides directly but they said it’s run by volunteers and I have to be patient. I first tried when she was 7.

Could she be social awkward? I see this a lot in my family. The mouth kind of rubs away and it's much wetter in the kids with a tendency to watch silly potty humour videos. Saying that my DH is 61 and still enjoys potty humour. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂🥴

OP don’t worry.

My DD is 10 and does the same. Poop here poop there. I just think it’s a phase where they find silly things funny.

She’ll grow out of it

What have you got locally? Is there a velodrome for youth cycling? Anything to do with horses? Sea cadets? Canoeing?

Absolutely anything where the focus is on a task/activity – that will really take the pressure off socially, because socialising comes second, yet there are still lots of opportunities to be social as you do it.

One of my daughters friends suddenly seemed more immature than the other girls around that age and she did have a year or 2 when her friendships weren’t as strong as the other girls found her a bit babyish and annoying but by the time she was about 12 it all sorted itself out and they’re still a tight knit group now. People mature at different ages and it will all sort itself out

This is very perceptive advice.

Hallelujah- it could be worse she could want a skincare regime and Lululemon. She will grow up in her own time.

My 9yr old also thinks poop is one of the funniest words ever 🫣 she is ASD and has a speech delay. I'm not saying your DD is the same but this comment from PP hit true to me as my DD has had a lot of help from SALT in social communication and it sounds like your DD may also benefit from this?

I agree. It sounds a bit like " showing off/ being daft" to me.

Nothing more.

First of all, I think this was an unkind comment from the other mum. She could have worded it more compassionately.

Second, children mature at different times and it’s lovely to keep them as children for as long as possible. I see far too many 8 year olds strutting about looking at mobile phones dressed like much older teenagers.

Secondary school is a great place to find the people you fit in with, and there will be some for your daughter. Try not to worry, as long as she knows she appropriate things so she’s not left behind or picked on, it’s ok for her to not be as mature in her behaviour as the others.

I agree. What a rude woman to say that. There were a handful of unkind kids and parents in eldest dcs' primary school class too.

OP it’s just her personality - do not try and stamp it out,

My 11 year old can be weird. She will grow out of it with the pressure of secondary school and life. Your DD is not a clone of all the tick toc obsessed kids.

The mum that told you this is an utter arsehole.

Bring on the weirdness I say!

Most kids are a bit odd one way or another, don’t worry too much about it

Sorry @Gee54 I have only read all of your posts so far (and a few others on page 1), so I may well be repeating something someone else has brought up.

I am wondering how old your other children are and if one of them has recently been going through potty training for their poo's? Because if so I wondered if you were - quite rightly in my opinion - taking a laid back attitude to it, where whoever is present when it reaches the bullseye everyone gives a little cheer, and/or a well done? Or maybe the one going through being potty trained said they didn't like poos, or poos are horrible and smelly, and to encourage them your DD said something like "well, I like poos, yes they are smelly, but that makes them very funny!" If the 'worried about poos' child then laughed, and if which ever adult was present at the time then laughed as well, and if on top of that the adult agree that poos are (or at least can be) funny, then maybe it is possible that your DD liked that reaction - I know I would have - and so, maybe, even subconsciously, she has run with that hoping to make other people laugh!

Maybe your DD is a stand-up comedienne in the making, but has unfortunately already found her first harsh critics!!
For what it is worth (nothing I know, as I am a stranger) I think that your DD sounds delightful, and I love that she is a bit out of the ordinary; if anyone ever calls me normal I take it as a horrible insult! 🤣
Here are 2 💐💐 one for you and one for your gorgeous daughter - whatever the reason is for her little catchphrase xx