Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

[Hairry]

I’m in a fairly new relationship. Boyfriend and I both in late 20s. So I’ve started to spend more overnights at bf’s flat. But had a funny conversation which just caught me off guard.

So I will boast by saying I am lucky to have very nice hair. Thanks to my Indian grandmother I have very thick, jet black hair. People often ask me which shampoo and conditioner I use. Happy to share. I am currently wearing it very long (just above waist) as I have some big events this summer and having luscious hair is a way to feel glammed up whilst wearing basic dresses/not too much make up.

Anyway, boyfriend clearly likes my hair. Touches it, plays with it etc. But the other day he said he is finding it everywhere and when I’m at his can I please wear it in a ponytail. He didn’t say it rudely. But it’s annoyed me as that’s just part of what comes with having long, dark hair.

I make sure to clear out drain, tie my hair up when cooking. But beyond wearing a hair net there’s no way to prevent strands of hair being around. It’s just annoyed me that he will play with my hair happily and “enjoy” it in one context but dislikes the realities of it.

Is this a red flag? Cause I’m genuinely annoyed. My dad and brothers dealt with it when I was growing up with my sisters who have similar hair.

Seeing another toothbrush next to yours is cute.

Sweeping up hair and pulling hair off every soft furnishing you own is just more work.

Oh come on, this isn’t controlling or a red flag, he’s just trying to find a way to avoid hair all over his flat. My teen daughter has hair down to her bum and I find her hair all over my house, I have to regularly use drain unblocker as it blocks the drains, it gets caught up in the hoover brush spinner in my shark hoover which stops it from spinning and needs cutting out. It get stuck in the filter of the hoover. He probably just thinks that it might make it a little easier for him if you tie it back. I mean if a friend you stayed with once a week asked you to do the same would you be offended? I think it’s a reasonable ask but if you find him controlling and odd then do him a favour and end the relationship.

I have huge thick long hair and I only ever have it down for a night out. I sleep with it tied back as I don’t want to have my face on it.

my hoover gets clogged with it.

my son now has longish thick hair and cleaning up drives me nuts.

possibly about you shedding at his home rather than controlling?

Sorry, I think YABU. I don’t have luscious hair but gawd, do I shed. An ex once told me that he found strands in his linen closet six months after I left 😂. I naturally put my hair back at his to try and minimise the impact, same as I would at my parents’ or friends houses. My DH certainly doesn’t get that courtesy after 13 years together but then, we have cats that shed even more than me 😁. While it’s quite blunt, that’s your boyfriend’s preference and whether it’s something you can live with is up to you. I certainly don’t see it as a red flag - he’s just clearly asked you to take a reasonable step to reduce something that bothers him. He could have moaned at you or made snide comments or passive-aggressively cleaned the hair off the throws etc in front of you…and those would have been red flags in my book!

No this isn’t controlling, I have thick hair too and it gets absolutely everywhere. It drove my husband a bit bonkers at first.

Hardly controlling was he?, he asked that is all, sure she wouldn't like is his hair was shedding all over the place, no worse than someone asking to take shoes off when in the home. The word controlling is very loosely used in mumsnet.

Dump him, that’s weird. You’re his girlfriend , you’re not working in a food prep hygiene zone!

Shed hair is super gross . I have thick hair but make sure I don't leave it around the house. If uou touch it a lot while it's down it will shed so I guess he is hoping in a ponytail you won't so much

My daughter snd grandsughter both have long hair snd I don't really notice the shedding maybe I am used to it. Maybe offerr 2 hoover? Explain tying it back might make it worse. Don't think it's a red flat unless another women is sldo going to his flat. I had a friend who gagged if she had to clear hair out of the shower drain. She was fantastic this was just her ick.

I agree with bf on this one. Nothing controlling about it. It's horrible to find hair everywhere. What's up with using a bobble

I wouldn't put up with that!

Red flag and also not to worry you but please consider if he is already in a relationship and doesn’t want your hair around incase the other one find out. I’ve heard of this type of thing before.
Or he’s probably autistic or just a bit weird about certain things like this.
my husband has always been a bit weird about mess and when I would sniff if I had a cold, the sound of dogs claws on hard floor etc. 15 years later, turns out he’s actually autistic with OCD and 2 kids later it’s no longer quirky, just fcukin annoying as hell!

Definitely throw him back.

My fella is bald and he learned that living with a woman and a cat, hair gets bloody everywhere. He sees it when he vacs up haha! I couldn't imagine him telling me I have to tie it up. I have thick, long hair as well and I do often tie it up. But as you say it ends up EVERYWHERE.

This!!

I had a Boyf once who asked me to suck in when I bit into a biscuit so l that I didn’t drop crumbs anywhere. Seriously. And yes, he did turn out to be very controlling.

My husband had ‘enjoyed’ my masses of long hair for 30 years. It gets everywhere. He’s never said a word, (whilst peeling it off), but I can understand it could be annoying.

Red flag? Did he say it in an aggressive way? I don't get it? I have four daughters and we all have very long hair. I try to keep mine back a lot of the time and plait my daughters and I can't stand the hair getting everywhere and none of us 'shed' much like you say you do. I would ask you if you wouldnt mind tying it back to. You can refuse if you want? If he then because difficult over it that's a red flag. But to just ask if you wouldn't mind?

If you cannot accommodate his request in his home why should he accommodate you Princess?

Try being more considerate. I'd hate it too. If you feel he should accept it as a small price to pay for being with wonderful you and your wonderful hair and he doesn't agree just move on.

My first thought was he’s worried another woman will find one.

Even if it’s not the case, I imagine you’re in a relationship that you’d like to progress so does he expect you to have your hair up forever?

My husband is always moaning about my hair clogging up the hoover. I just kindly explain to him that it’s the unfortunate side effect of having a partner with lovely hair, and that he’s entirely free to leave me for a bald woman if that would work better for him. He hasn’t done yet.

Not up. Just on a lose pony tail

It’s not a red flag. I have the same issue with my mother. She is Bengali with similar hair you describe her hair gets everywhere when she stays over and stuck in places it’s so annoying when cleaning up after a toddler aswell

No, he's worried because someone else will find them. Do do the maths.

I’m not sure it’s a red flag

I have a lot of hair and lose a lot of hair over the day recently pulled my desk out at work and found a whole load of hair seemed enough to make a wig 😮

I get why it can be annoying some people are queasy about lose hair strands

If you came to my house and left hair all over the place I’d be asking you to wear a headscarf so I can see his point of view. I don’t think it’s necessarily controlling