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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in trouble with DIL again

398 replies

itainthalfhot · 22/07/2024 11:23

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 22/07/2024 11:33

If she thought it was so important then she could have contacted you personally and not treated you like one her her zillion 'friends' and 'followers' on some naff social media outlet. Is she one of these idiots who expect everyone to acknowledge her tedious time wasting when she posts all day? No doubt she also moans about how little time she has to be a mother to her human screenshot.

Original poster
itainthalfhot · 22/07/2024 11:36

JudgeJ · 22/07/2024 11:33

If she thought it was so important then she could have contacted you personally and not treated you like one her her zillion 'friends' and 'followers' on some naff social media outlet. Is she one of these idiots who expect everyone to acknowledge her tedious time wasting when she posts all day? No doubt she also moans about how little time she has to be a mother to her human screenshot.

you made me laugh at this comment... basically if its not on her social media it didn't happen and yes at least one post a day will be about how hard it is to be a mum, and how little time she gets to spend with baby!

i'm assuming this is the new 'normal'

OP posts:
Toottooot · 22/07/2024 11:36

Did your son nae tell you either?

PerfectTravelTote · 22/07/2024 11:38

You're going to keep coming up against these problems with her. If I were you I'd come off Instagram.

FuzzyStripes · 22/07/2024 11:38

YANBU. It’s chickenpox, which you expect almost all little unvaccinated children to get at some point.

I’d just tell her that you don’t see all posts on social media and don’t use it as often as she does, so to contact you direct if there is a concern or something happens as you otherwise can’t guarantee that you will see it.

Original poster
itainthalfhot · 22/07/2024 11:39

Toottooot · 22/07/2024 11:36

Did your son nae tell you either?

no one told me... i was unaware! obviously its chicken pox, and on the grand scheme of things, something all children go through, i've seen the post now and sent a love heart (sigh) with thoughts and prayers that the little man pulls through ok (a bit sarcastic i know)

OP posts:
ClonedSquare · 22/07/2024 11:39

Weird that you're focusing on your daughter in law rather than being upset that your son didn't feel the need to share something like this with you.

I think it's weird to mute someone for posting photos of your grandchild "too much" though, so clearly I'm not the audience you wanted for your moan about your DIL.

circular2478 · 22/07/2024 11:40

I can't imagine ever finding photos of my grandchild annoying.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/07/2024 11:40

ClonedSquare · 22/07/2024 11:39

Weird that you're focusing on your daughter in law rather than being upset that your son didn't feel the need to share something like this with you.

I think it's weird to mute someone for posting photos of your grandchild "too much" though, so clearly I'm not the audience you wanted for your moan about your DIL.

Maybe because the daughter in law has asked OP why she didn't comment?

MounjaroUser · 22/07/2024 11:40

Can't you just say you don't go on there often as you think it's a waste of time? Then ask why your son didn't post it on the family WhatsApp.

Frostyafternoon · 22/07/2024 11:41

I have a relative like this. I muted her, and eventually she threw a strop and blocked me. It's all rather pathetic.

The answer to your dil, is that you don't spend a lot of time on Facebook or Instagram and don't always see her messages.

Original poster
itainthalfhot · 22/07/2024 11:42

Idontjetwashthefucker · 22/07/2024 11:40

Maybe because the daughter in law has asked OP why she didn't comment?

Show quote history

thank you! we have an interactive photo frame at home where all the pictures are also shared too so nothing on the social media is missed.... just duplicated

OP posts:
DarkandStormyNightie · 22/07/2024 11:43

I have a friend who does this but its in a group chat. She posts almost every day with pictures of what outfit she's wearing, if her kids have had friends over, if she's drinking a glass of wine, if shes done some exercise, you name it! It's really tedious tbh and so very self absorbed. I've now had to mute the group because her constant need for validation is ridiculous. This is someone in their late 40s btw, not someone whose grown up with social media!

I'm seriously thinking about stepping away from the friendship as its just based vapid bullshit now, which is really sad as its a long standing friendship group.

Not the same as your DiL but just wanted you to know I feel your pain!

caringcarer · 22/07/2024 11:43

I'd be asking my DS why he hadn't told me.

Ozanj · 22/07/2024 11:45

I’d suggest going in and checking her account every evening at a set time: that way you can see everything she’s posted without being bombarded by notifications. This is what my mum does with my sil. It gets too much otherwise.

Heronwatcher · 22/07/2024 11:46

Why don’t you just say that you’re coming off social media apart from a couple of checks a week and that if there’s something important she’ll need to mention it on the WhatsApp? No way would I be trawling back to comment on posts- what’s the point of that if you’ve spoken in person? She’s just trying to make her post post popular or get more likes/ hun messages. Best to nip it in the bud now.

Plus posting pics/ info about kids when they are ill is both really bad taste and attention seeking in the extreme- and not nice for the kids (appreciate babies probably don’t care about the GDPR but older kids have a right not to have personal info posted all over the internet without their consent).

socks1107 · 22/07/2024 11:47

It's chicken pox! The son probably didn't even think about it, I know for some children it can be a very nasty illness, but unlikely in this case and just a childhood thing.

I have a friend like this. Multiple posts about what the child said, what they ate, how they used the potty. I scroll straight past now when I do go on there as it's tedious.

AzureAnt · 22/07/2024 11:48

Just tell her some people don't have time to endlessly scroll through social media all day. Some even have to go to work!!

WhereIsMyLight · 22/07/2024 11:49

It’s not a new normal. It’s a new normal for those people who need validation from social media. You said she’s posting how hard it is, is she actually getting any support?

You don’t have to respond to everything. Even in a WhatsApp group. My PFB is almost 3 and we still take loads of photos, we upload them to an app (not every day but a couple of times a month) that family has access to. I’m not bothered if they check it or not but they can’t expect me to send all the photos when they are in this app. I would put a comment about chickenpox in the WhatsApp group. Yes it’s a routine childhood illness but I would just like a bit of sympathy from grandparents about dealing with a grumpy and poorly toddler.

I would tell her you aren’t on social media a lot and that anything that she wants a conversation on, could she put in the WhatsApp. I would possibly also just see how she’s actually getting on, away from social media. If she’s a big social media user she might be feeling really inferior because her house isn’t tidy enough, she isn’t cutting veg into cute shapes enough, she isn’t making art with her child’s lunches or because she’s giving the kid some fish fingers.

shams05 · 22/07/2024 11:50

It's not her Ds who has taken issue with her not commenting though so why would she take it up with him?
The op isn't complaining that she wasn't told, she's saying there's too many posts for her to keep up With and the dil isn't pleased that grandma didn't voice her concern for dgs.

RightOnTheEdge · 22/07/2024 11:51

ClonedSquare · 22/07/2024 11:39

Weird that you're focusing on your daughter in law rather than being upset that your son didn't feel the need to share something like this with you.

I think it's weird to mute someone for posting photos of your grandchild "too much" though, so clearly I'm not the audience you wanted for your moan about your DIL.

It's not weird though, because OP isn't upset that no one told her.
The OP is fed up that the DIL implied she didn't care about her grandchild just because she missed a FB post.

titchy · 22/07/2024 11:52

Why on earth didn't you use it as an opportunity to say you don't really like social media (if you wanted to be less passive aggressive you could say you're too old for it...) but that you'll keep the WhatsApp and you love hearing about gs from her on there. And that obviously if he is really ill you assume she'd contact you directly....

ApolloandDaphne · 22/07/2024 11:53

I would just tell your DS and DIL that you don't really look at social media much and if they have something important to tell you about baby, or anything else, to WhatsApp you.

5128gap · 22/07/2024 11:55

ClonedSquare · 22/07/2024 11:39

Weird that you're focusing on your daughter in law rather than being upset that your son didn't feel the need to share something like this with you.

I think it's weird to mute someone for posting photos of your grandchild "too much" though, so clearly I'm not the audience you wanted for your moan about your DIL.

Not that weird really given its not her son that's moaning about her not reading his posts! The issues isn't that no one told OP about the chicken pox, it's that the DiL didn't tell her and then got offended because the OP hadn't trawled her SM for the latest update. Nothing to do with the son as I can see.

mrsdineen2 · 22/07/2024 11:55

My mil would never have had to find out about my child's chickenpox from my social media - her son would have told her. You're right that you're not in the wrong here, but you've completely misidentified the culprit.