in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

You're being ridiculous, if u want to know up to date position of your grandkids, as it appears u do, then why mute her on Instagram. You were looking for an argument. They may do things, including communication different than u did, doesnt make them wrong and u right.

The child had chicken pox, which most kids get. The UK doesn’t even vaccinate kids against CP.

Pulling OP up on not commenting on an Instagram post is drama llama behaviour, OP was quite restrained saying she hopes he pulls through.

Have you posted to get her slagged off? How old is your GC? My DD got a bit obsessed with SM and used it for contact with the outside world. If you've got a clingy baby it takes nothing off being a parent to post. Parents today are non stop criticised, whereas I can remember being allowed to push babies up and down the street in primary school. As said ask your son why he didn't say that your GC has CP, which can be nasty for a baby.

I feel for you. Instagram posts are such an impractical choice if you want to keep up with family. It’s impersonal.

I muted my own dad on WhatsApp for a while because he kept sending me memes. I didn’t tell him though. I like a good phone call or meet up.

All those calling me a bag MIL... we see them and baby regularly, provide gifts, support, babysitting, housework and all the other things widely expected and see him as a blessing and we love. Whatever photos get posted online also go to our interactive photo frame so I don't miss photos and I react to them.. there's was no photo about the pox it was just a written thread... I'd spoken with both earlier in the day with no mention of the pox! I was berated for not commenting on one post!

My youngest GC was left with hearing loss after complications of CP. While it's something that all children get, there are a percentage who will have complications, or in the case of a baby under 1, die. I couldn't imagine making a sarcastic comment about one of my GC being ill tbh. Just tell her that you don't get notifications and don't always look at SM.

My kids have 7 grandparents. I don't inform them every time one of the kids is ill. I do inform them if it impacts them in any way, like we had plans with them which might get curtailed. I would inform them if I was wanting any help (I rarely took them up on offers of help but good to know it was available!) I don't think the son (dad) is at fault for not telling the grandma, Grandma knowing isn't going to make any difference to the child's chicken pox.

I agree this doesn't come over very pleasantly, but I understand the MiL's exasperation in these circumstances as well.

As to the 'didn't your son tell you' posts, on this occasion I don't see the usual issue of a MiL expecting the DiL to take on all the WifeWork, a scenario that regularly makes an appearance on this site. The DiL simply has her head up her arse because MiL has failed to follow every minute and tedious detail of her day on social media. It's DiL who's indulging in the histrionics here, not DS.

Speaking diplomatically, OP, I appreciate your frustration but don't think the sarcy comments about your DGC's illness will help. It would probably save a lot of trouble if you simply came off social media. Set up a new account in an anonymous name just for your areas of interest and a (very) few select followers, and stick to WhatsApp for family interactions. Then simply tell them you rarely use SM so have closed your accounts and to contact you via WhatsApp if they need any support etc with family issues.

All this sounds far too much like hard work to me.

The point is the daughter in law put it on social media then complained to OP that she doesn't care about her grandchild because she hadn't commented on the post.

YANBU just tell her, and everyone else who chimes in, that you can’t keep up with every post on social media but you keep in touch via the WhatsApp group. Keep saying it like a broken record.

I agree with much of what you say but telling OP it would save trouble if she came off social media is unfair, she shouldn't have to get rid of it altogether just because she missed one post.

If DIL was really worried, she should have called OP for support.

I would put a comment about chickenpox in the WhatsApp group. Yes it’s a routine childhood illness but I would just like a bit of sympathy from grandparents about dealing with a grumpy and poorly toddler

She didn't put it in the WhatsApp group because it wouldn't gain any public attention. She chose to put it on Insta so everyone could see it. Absolutely pathetic behaviour. I wouldn't go along with this at all.

Why don’t you just let your Son and Daughter in Law know that you don’t use social media that much so you miss stuff.

If it means that much to your Daughter in Law that you respond, then they need to notify your of important family news another way.

Can’t believe she got all arsey with you that you didn’t respond or comment on a social media post. She needs to get a life.

Pictures of your grandchild “get annoying”??

I would not of gone searching for the post to give it a like or a comment. She could have mentioned it in the group chat if you’d been talking earlier. Not everyone spends their lives on social media so ‘important’ information shouldn’t only be given on there. Son or DIL could of sent you a message if it was so important (although by giving a private message erases the chance of a comment on social media for all to see how amazing and popular she is!)

there's was no photo about the pox it was just a written thread..

Ah, so no annoying photo... on insta? 🤔

Op can't be expected to read every single Instagram post every day in case there's one from DIL that she needs to 'like'. That's insane.

is she just looking for a row,
shes being unreasonable.

Do people who post on SM like that really have no self awareness? Do they not realise how ridiculous and needy it looks?

You have my sympathy op. I admire the way you’ve already been a beacon of restraint dealing with the self-obsessed airhead.

What a overly dramatic, hysterical post😂your poor MIL.

My favourite kind of post is the one that says they will delete people who don't comment on or like their posts. Go right ahead, seriously, mate! 😘

no... because believe it or not, some people don't just post photos on insta! or facebook or whatever they use. i do it myself sometimes, and i create a story or a reel and there is no photo just words...

I imagine OP finds the constant posts from DIL annoying and repetitive, rather than photos of her GC.

Believe it or not OP my MIL is the same, and gets annoyed if I don't "like" her posts.

It does make DIL wrong. She think she's entitled to other peoples time if she's expecting people to never miss a post. DIL could very easily have put it in the family WhatsApp group, but not enough attention on there for her obviously.

Just tell her you don't use social media anymore but just to look on local groups & events, and to send them to the family WhatsApp.