in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

i shall say this again and again.... we have an interaction photo frame where multiple daily photos are uploaded of all the grandchildren by the parents, we purchased it for this reason, so we never missed a photo.. we don't care what the photo is.. we like to see them.. we have the ability to 'react' to said photos... so we can send a love heart or a thumbs up or a smiley face to the sender... obviously as its a grandchild it only ever gets a love heart.

i have never once said photos of my grandchild are annoying i have said that multiple daily posts, some photos, some quotes, some just a written post.. and when i say multiple, we are probably in the region of 10 to 15 a day!

im not focusing on the DIL, the fact is its the DIL who has come to me upset that i didn't react too her post! in the grand scheme of things, here in the UK chicken pox is a very common childhood virus.. ofcourse i would have wanted to know, but the world would not have ended if i didn't know... its the fact that i didn't react to the post about it on insta or facebook of which ever is was

(and i say whichever it was because my own facebook posts on my insta and my own insta posts on my facebook when i do post something and have no idea who to stop it)

Just make it clear you don't use much social media and don't do much liking or commenting.

Also, the kid wasn’t vaccinated?

This is a UK based site, and chickenpox vaccinations are not routine here. Who is this news to?

??? i think you may have missed the part where i said... we had already communicated vis whaps app that very day, along the lines of: hi guys how are you, do you need anything.. there was a brief chat about our plans for the week and then a sign off. both parents contributed to the conversation, there was no mention of illness or chickpox during that exchange.

she is muted as ive said, she posts between 10 and 15 posts a day, some photos, some memes, some quotes, some re-shares.. some of those stupid 'which celebrity do you look like' and the 'if you had to pick one friend to live on the top of everest who would it be' posts.. its non stop!

i am not and was not looking for an arguement... i wanted to know if it was resonable for her to have a go at me for not reacting too her post... because if i am deemed to be unreasonable then i need to change.. we love our son, we love our DIL shes the best thing to have ever happened to him, and we love our GC dearly and will do anything for them. it seems i must unmute her and react to every sinlge post???

IABU as it seems

thank you! a bit of advice i can use. I am not the greated with technology! my phone is pinging left right and centre, and they only way i could work out how to stop it was muting... if there is another way... please share it with me

I think it's quite silly and entitled to be annoyed that you didn't comment on the post, almost gives the impression that she's only posting to get likes and comments (imagine the thought of anyone doing this on social media?!)

If I were her I would've just mentioned it when I next saw or spoke to you, but then again I don't think I'd post it all over Instagram either!

where does it say we only communicate via social media? we have a family whats app group which is conveient for quick chats, we see the family on a regular weekly basis and we do know how to use a telephone?

the person muted is not just posting about grandchild, its about everything, the shopping, the cleaning, the memes, the shared posts of lost dogs in the ukraine, the 'which celebrity do you look like'.

its not for me to tell her how much she should or should not be using social media, and the solutation is to mute as i dont know how else to stop my phone pinging left right and centre?

in the UK children are not vaccinated for this, and its a very common and usually harmless virus. GC has had all his immunisations

maybe she doesn't feel very supported by your son, you or other people in her family?

im not sure how much more support we can give? we visit regularly, we babysit, we take GC overnight, we take supplies, we clean, we taxi, we hug, we talk? if there is something i am missing out of all of this i'd like to know?

Settings> notifications then scroll down to find Facebook etc and turn off notifications.

Good luck ☺️

ive not blocked... i've muted? and as already explained we have an interective photo frame here in the house on the table next to the sofa where all photos are shared... where i can react too.

You sound like a delightful mil.

She is out of order. Just let her know you don't check social media regularly.

yeah... DS and DIL were having money worries and asked us to help with clothes his size, which we did... but they were 2nd hand! they don't want 2nd hand stuff they only want new... so we got a telling off for that.

Perhaps you could ask your DIL?

i have to disagree with you there... looking after a baby IS hard! and you do need lots of support, especially those first few months!

and i do feel we offer whatever support is needed

🙄

Nothing is ever enough, is it? It's like MILs are just put on this earth to serve their DILs. (In your opinion)

its just the best thing.... ours is FRAMO... and you set up an account, so all our children and we have an account and they just send photos too the frame as easy as making a facebook post, infact its easier to be honest.. and it just scrolls through the photos all day... it means i never lose a photo

But it was the DIL that asked OP why she didn't comment, not her DS!

Why are you doing housework for them?

how do you think we know when she needs a baby sitter? food? supplies? a hug? money? taxi's? she doesnt ask us.. we offer, we ask her 'what do you need?'

i actually thought i was a great MIL. but after reading on here i am clearly the worst and i should end my existence now?

My posting history will confirm that I don't believe that female family members are beholden to provide childcare thank you.

My comments were in reply to ops own admission that er DIL has mentioned how hard she is finding being a parent.

There was no mention of what kind of help or support that was already in place and I did also include questioning ops son and other family members not just op.

DIL may have a specific need for something else other than what op is providing... I don't know because I'm not the DIL but if op wants to ( off her own back ) ask then she's the person to ask.

I don't appreciate your unfounded, implied accusation.

??? because they have a baby, and we want to support them.. like all good MIL's should and would do for their DIL and GC?