Am I being unfair on DH? He says I'm 'testing him'.

[LooLou89]

My sister lives abroad and was over for a last minute work trip. She only comes over every couple of years. My sister, family, family friends organise a get-together. Lunch, drinks etc.

DH has been in a weird mood for the last couple of weeks. When I tell him about my sister & the family get together, he looks grumy about it, - I say "You don't have to come though, I can make some excuse"

He says "Great. I won't come"

The day before I'm at work and I'm thinking "why did i say that. it's really weird that he's not coming when everyone else is my whole family & our kids are going"

So I text him from work and say "My sister is going to be there. Do you want come with me and the kids? What do you think?"

He replies "No, I don't fancy it"

And sure enough, he doesn't go.

When I came home he said "what excuse did you make" and I said "well i tried to make an excuse but it was pretty weird you not being there"

He got mad and said I was making him feel guilty. And i told him he didn't have to come. I said yes, that's true but i text you the day before asking you to come. He said he didn't want to go as he hates family stuff like that, but he would have come if I'd told him he needed to be there. He says I'm testing him.

I really wasn't trying to. I guess he is often grumpy at these things. I don't know. I can see his point of view

What do people think?

Sounds like a Kevin n Perry teenager

Yup same here. He will make the effort for my family, for my personal friends to come for a meal occasionally etc. I dont ask too often. I am grateful to him for making the effort for my sake and tell him so.

I wonder what his background is. My family were never close, and whenever there was a family get together it always seemed an argument would take place. These arguments were, normally, instigated by my mother. I remember being dragged out of my grandfather's house because of a fall out with my aunt, I can remember my mother slapping my other grandfather and his cigarette end flying like a firework, and I've experienced so much more. Whenever my wife's family have get togethers, I hate every second and yes I've missed some. The feelings are horrendous, I'm not thinking of the past, the feeling just comes.

What a horrible judgmental, denigrating, supercilious response. Why are his pastimes anything to do with you?

Many men game as a pastime and enjoy it - as they should.

I mean yeah maybe you could’ve been clearer but even so YANBU. Can’t stand these grumpy, stroppy, menchildren. Why are so many like this??

I don't think you were testing him, I think, you wanted him to come and hoped he'd do so with a little nudge and he wasn't prepared to budge and is making a drama of it. He sounds selfish tbh, I'd expect effort to be made of it were my DH, most reasonable partners go to occasional things they don't fancy for the sake of people they care about and just get on with it. It's not a big ask. X

Haha! I just logged on for first time in a few days and have been reading the 100 posts I missed! I particularly enjoyed your commitment to stating 5, 6, 7 times that my marriage is "dead" "rotting" and "unhappy". You really wanted to get that point across and definitely succeeded. And I agree with that assessment a fair bit!

Some people think I'm game playing and unfair and other people think my H is a big man child

I do agree that i offered to make an excuse not because I wanted to make one but because I couldn't bear him complaining about it for days before and then turning up and staring at his phone for the whole time!

Anyway - thanks everyone, esp the person who suggested he was having an affair with my sister. Given she's only been in the country a handful of times in the last decade that would be impressive!

Aw bless you... MN can be a bit brutal at times imo, I suppose that is a risk (& probably why I don't tend to start posts ..) Wish you all the best xx🤗

He sounds incredibly selfish and immature.

Not to mention rude if he would sit on his phone the whole time.

We all have to occasionally put ourselves out for our partners.

I'm sorry you have such an unsupportive husband.