To think that 'I'll be out for a couple hours' means 'I'll be out for two hours' (or close, at least)?

[JustMeSammy]

It wouldn't mean around four hours? Or AIBU?

This will be quite long but I don#t want to leave information out.

I am an oldie on here but I've changed my name in case anybody recognises the situation who knows me or her-I don't know whether to call her DP as we don't live together and haven't been seeing one another very long.

We met at work when I was on secondment in her area but I live around 2 and a half/three hours from her and we decided to just see what happened and if it worked we could look at getting a place together.

There was an event in a town near her this Saturday just gone that we both fancied going to so she invited me over for the weekend. IIf I visit I normally just stay Friday and Saturdya night but this one, I told her that as I had the Monday off too this week, maybe I could stay over Sunday night and we could do something Sunday too?

She said yes that would be good, but that she was doing her hobby that day, but that she'd only be gone a couple of hours. She offered to not do it but I said no, that's fine, I don't mind being left for a couple of hours. She lives in a lovely place and I would just go to the shops or go grab a drink somewhere and read my book or whatever (or hang about at hers, weather/mood depending).

We go to event on Saturday, all good and on the way back we stop for a drink, and I ask something like 'Okay remind me about tomorrow, when are you leaving and coming back so we can plan what we can do' and she said she'd be leaving around 12:30pm and back around 16:30 pm.

I was a bit like 'WTF you said you'd be gone a couple of hours and that's 4?! She said 'yeh a couple of hours' I said no, a couple of hours is two hours! I can easily kill a couple of hours at yours but not 4! We argued although not a 'heated' argument as I am a very 'cool' person and don't like to argue but in the end she said 'right I won't go then!!!' And I said no, you go. I think that if she DIDN'T go she'd tell her hobby friends that I had stopped her or told her not to and I don't want that

I am really quite annoyed. Feel I am worth a bit more than that-if she's going to have me over she can't be gone out for the best part of the day (and a quarter of it) I'd also never do that to her.

She continued to argue that a couple of hours doesn't have to mean two.
She also kept explaining things like 'well the thing at hobby takes two hours but I've got to get there and back and that takes X amount of time and then I have to be there a bit of time before and then we have to do this afterwards....' etc etc and I said none of that is relevant! You said a couple of hours and you meant four!

I tried framing it to her that if her work asked her to stay behind for two hours, and she agreed but then they expected her to stay behind for four, would that be okay? She said 'Wouldn't bother me!' so I said well you'd just do four hours woudl you?

She said no!

I asked if we were a couple and she says yes, and I said 'well how many of us are there!!'

As it was, I came home today I felt quite unwanted and unappreciated. It's quite a long drive, and I was looking forward to another day with her. I didn't mind two hours, but not four.

I have no idea how this thread is going to go!

AIBU to have left?
AIBU to feel unwanted/unappreciated?

AIBU to think that 'couple of hours' means two hours (obviously with a bit of give and take, I'd not mind if someone said a couple of hours and it turned out to be just under or over).

AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it, leaving them by themselves in a town they don't know? At least without telling them the truth about it?

I'd never do that and I told her this-to which she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did.

You sound like hard work. Wouldn't be surprised if she ran for the hills. What a mountain out of a molehill. You invited yourself to stay when she said she would be busy, and you didn't see her for an extra 2 hours. In the grand scheme of things, what's the issue?

This could be important actually in that, she's misled me about things before. So you may be on to something there. And she has been malicious before too.

Wow 😂😂

In the context of an activity it could mean that the activity itself was two hours so time out of the house closer to three or it could mean including travel, such as an hour activity, 20 minute travel each way, 5 or 10 minutes early and chatting after.

I have explained upthread but I really didn't invite myself. I should have explained that bit better, so it is my fault that people may think that.

The issue is I guess, I am feeling that she did this deliberately to get me to come over/stay longer. And that she didn't really think about the amount of time I'd be alone, just the amount of time that she'd be literally DOING the hobby, rather than travel time and bits and bats she'd be doing when she got there before it, and after. She didn't consider me at all.

It was something like that, yes. But hobby often just takes one and a half to two hours including all of that and I didn't know today was different, and she didn't tell me.

As it does in east London and Essex.

And having a couple of drinks never never never means just two 🤣🤣🤣

Also, “several” is 4

So they don't use 'few'? Just couple then several?

She didn't not tell you the truth - she hardly said she'd be gone for 2 hours, did she? If you're serious enough that you're thinking of moving in together, you've got to accept that you're not going to have her around all of the time, would you expect her to not go out and leave you when you were living together?! In the kindest possible way, none of this is sounding very cool...

40 .. and you can’t entertain yourself for 4 hours?

It is exactly like you say, but the different spin on it is that if we live together, this wouldn't be so important. I'd see her all the time then.

My word, grow up. You had a full weekend together and you're upset about 2 hours. You seem immature and controlling

I can, if I know that it is going to be four hours before I make the decision about going/staying.

Only the Saturday really. By the time I arrived there it was almost time for bed and we had Saturday together. I left today around 12:00.

I think we'd use all of them, just that couple is not always used as exactly as in the UK as meaning two, but means a small number. In my experience anyway. The difference has come up in conversation with my DH who spent many years in the UK.

Totally OTT OP. You seem to have dissected and over analysed this. I honestly don't think there is a future together

OP - honestly you seem determined to imply that she’s deliberately mislead you rather than there being a miscommunication ocad a minor issue. You’re talking like you had a legally binding contract and you’re in a court of law.

And now because the thread not going how you wanted it to, the drip feed to make her the bad guy starting.

We give in you’re right 2 hours should be no more than 2 hours - a minute longer and you’ve been lied to.

🏳️ - we surrender. You could have an argument in an empty room

YANBU that a couple means 2. 4 is a few. But if someone told me they were going to be gone 2 hours for a hobby I'd be a bit, really? Becuase most hobbies take 2 hours and you have to get there and back and get ready and cool down. Say if someone said they had a boxing class. I'd expect them to be gone a minimum of 3.5hours.

It was a minor lack of communication and really not a big deal. It's a concerning sign for the relationship that it created an argument.

But she invited herself. Her DP said she had a hobby and offered not to go. OP said it was fine.

You’re being extremely literal, OP. “Couple” was originally a verb, meaning “tie or join together (usually in a pair)” - and the earliest use of the noun refers to a leash used to join hunting dogs together. But we don’t insist that a couple must literally be tied to each other in order to be properly called “a couple”.

Language changes. There are language pedants who insist that “couple” always means “exactly two”, but common usage for hundreds of years has used the word much more loosely. These are the same pedants who say that “I could care less” is incomprehensible, or that a double negative means a positive, as though language were maths. Language isn’t maths; it’s a totally arbitrary system of sounds that have the meaning we agree on together as a society.

I do sympathise, if you were exposed to language pedants who made you believe that “couple” can only mean “two” because of its etymology, although I’m surprised that you've never once noticed that very few people use it as precisely as this.

Think about this: if someone said to you “I’m going to the bathroom; I’ll just be two seconds”, would you get out your stopwatch and be furious that they actually took 97 seconds? If so, you would massively benefit from paying more attention to how metaphorical and non-literal so much language is. But if, as I suspect, you would absolutely understand that “two seconds” is a kind of metaphor, meaning “as short a period as possible”, then you already have the necessary knowledge to see that your DP was not “lying”, or even “misleading” you; she was just using “a couple” very loosely, as many other people would do. We might argue over exactly how long a time is no longer “a couple of hours”, but you are unreasonable to insist that a couple can only mean two hours.

Definitely not trying to 'drip feed', I just didn't want it linked to my previous threads about other things about this situation I am in, or others. I wanted impartial opinions. I didn't 'want' the thread to go either way. And quite a few posters do see my point of view, too.

I really didn't invite myself. I explained this upthread. She originally asked me to go on the Sunday too.

If you didn’t strop, you left on good terms and you’re not in a huff and you went home “fine”, why are you coming on here to persuade everyone, possibly including yourself, that you’re right? It was a misunderstanding that you’re turning into pedantry and won’t let go.

In previous visits, hers has taken less than two hours. It's usually held not far away and she's been back in around an hour and a half, and I didn't know that this time would be any different. If she'd have told me it was, I'd have felt quite differently about the whole thing.