To think that 'I'll be out for a couple hours' means 'I'll be out for two hours' (or close, at least)?

[JustMeSammy]

It wouldn't mean around four hours? Or AIBU?

This will be quite long but I don#t want to leave information out.

I am an oldie on here but I've changed my name in case anybody recognises the situation who knows me or her-I don't know whether to call her DP as we don't live together and haven't been seeing one another very long.

We met at work when I was on secondment in her area but I live around 2 and a half/three hours from her and we decided to just see what happened and if it worked we could look at getting a place together.

There was an event in a town near her this Saturday just gone that we both fancied going to so she invited me over for the weekend. IIf I visit I normally just stay Friday and Saturdya night but this one, I told her that as I had the Monday off too this week, maybe I could stay over Sunday night and we could do something Sunday too?

She said yes that would be good, but that she was doing her hobby that day, but that she'd only be gone a couple of hours. She offered to not do it but I said no, that's fine, I don't mind being left for a couple of hours. She lives in a lovely place and I would just go to the shops or go grab a drink somewhere and read my book or whatever (or hang about at hers, weather/mood depending).

We go to event on Saturday, all good and on the way back we stop for a drink, and I ask something like 'Okay remind me about tomorrow, when are you leaving and coming back so we can plan what we can do' and she said she'd be leaving around 12:30pm and back around 16:30 pm.

I was a bit like 'WTF you said you'd be gone a couple of hours and that's 4?! She said 'yeh a couple of hours' I said no, a couple of hours is two hours! I can easily kill a couple of hours at yours but not 4! We argued although not a 'heated' argument as I am a very 'cool' person and don't like to argue but in the end she said 'right I won't go then!!!' And I said no, you go. I think that if she DIDN'T go she'd tell her hobby friends that I had stopped her or told her not to and I don't want that

I am really quite annoyed. Feel I am worth a bit more than that-if she's going to have me over she can't be gone out for the best part of the day (and a quarter of it) I'd also never do that to her.

She continued to argue that a couple of hours doesn't have to mean two.
She also kept explaining things like 'well the thing at hobby takes two hours but I've got to get there and back and that takes X amount of time and then I have to be there a bit of time before and then we have to do this afterwards....' etc etc and I said none of that is relevant! You said a couple of hours and you meant four!

I tried framing it to her that if her work asked her to stay behind for two hours, and she agreed but then they expected her to stay behind for four, would that be okay? She said 'Wouldn't bother me!' so I said well you'd just do four hours woudl you?

She said no!

I asked if we were a couple and she says yes, and I said 'well how many of us are there!!'

As it was, I came home today I felt quite unwanted and unappreciated. It's quite a long drive, and I was looking forward to another day with her. I didn't mind two hours, but not four.

I have no idea how this thread is going to go!

AIBU to have left?
AIBU to feel unwanted/unappreciated?

AIBU to think that 'couple of hours' means two hours (obviously with a bit of give and take, I'd not mind if someone said a couple of hours and it turned out to be just under or over).

AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it, leaving them by themselves in a town they don't know? At least without telling them the truth about it?

I'd never do that and I told her this-to which she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did.

Completely over dramatic. It’s a miscommunication. She didn’t lie to you, she wasn’t very specific and she said “two hours” referring to the hobby time and neglected to add on the travel time.

I would be a little bit annoyed in your shoes and would have probably said “oh, I was expecting you to be gone for closer to two hours!” But then I’d have got over myself. You’ve blown this out of proportion and cut your nose off to spite your face.

Yes a couple means 2 but in this instance I would easily have allowed 4. She offered not to go, you declined, for the sake of 4 hours, which she was honest about upfront, you get a whole extra day with her. So yabu

when I first read the title I assumed partner said off to pub for a couple of hours and came back rat arsed many hours later

So you’ve left in sulk rather than spending the whole morning, evening & tomorrow together!

stroppy & controlling! YABU

How often she does it is irrelevant though. She offered to cancel going and you said no.

it seems like your willing to blow up everything over two hours which seems an overreaction to me.

I don’t think it matters to be honest, you had a break down in communication; why cause an arguement over it? It doesn’t sound like she’s trying to mislead you because she also offered in advance not to go. She also told you in advance it would be 4 hours so it’s not like she stuck with ‘a couple of hours’ but then got home after 4 hours and tried to cover her lateness as a misunderstanding. She thinks 4 hours can be described as ‘a couple’, you don’t. She’s probably wrong in terms of what most people would understand from the term but I’m not sure why you’d make a big thing of it. Just read a bit more of your book.

She said she'd be gone 'a couple of hours' not for the afternoon-but the hobby was in a different place to usual this time, which I didn't' know about. I guess I ALWAYS factor in travel time etc when planning things and maybe others don't-I wouldn't ever tell someone I'd be gone less time than I would be unless something drastic happened beyond my control so maybe I expected that and shouldnt have.

Exactly - she’s not trying to cover her arse by stretching the definition in retrospect. It sounds like a genuine misunderstanding blown out of all proportion.

"A couple" means two you are right

But YABVU to make an argument put of this, you suggested you stay, she warned you sge was bust. 4 hours is not very long and you could easily amuse yourself- or read for 4 hours.

I was going to say exactly the same thing.

I don't think you're annoyed about the number of hours, I think you're annoyed that you don't spend enough time together in general.

“AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it”

normally would agree with this if someone invited you over and left you however you invited yourself and she did tell you she had plans.
I would assume someone going out at 12:30 for a couple of hours would be back around 2:30

I think it means two but as an example I follow fitness videos online and the instructor often says "we'll do a couple more on that side" and it's never only two! I fall for it every time and think we will be switching sides after two more reps - but no!

Im with you and would also be pissed off at someone telling me something would be a couple of hours and it actually being 4, although I'm used to it now in respect of DP!!

He regularly says about his Saturday football match that he's only gone for a couple of hours, but they meet at 12:30 (half an hour travel away), play a match and then always seem to end up in the pub afterwards so don't remember the last time he was home before 5:30!

I wouldn't let it cause such a sour end to the weekend though, I'd have tried to laugh it off, 'bloody 4 hours?!', or asked to go and watch, or all else fails just enjoy a bit of alone time going for a walk, coffee, wine etc. So on that basis I do think you were U I'm afraid!

I think it is a bit different to husbands/wives really. You would see one another a lot more often then.

I can entertain myself, I just wanted to be able to make an informed decision.

Gently, you sound insane.

I don't think there was any gently about that TBH!!

I agree. I’d not be in a massive hurry to see OP again if it were me.

Yanbu that "a couple of hours" shouldn't be used for any period longer than 2h40m. Any more than that and up to 4h15m would be "a few hours". Any more than that would be "several hours"

So she was unfair to diminish what she meant.

However this isn't something to storm off and end the relationship about. If the relationship is otherwise good, I'd forgive.

You sound very rigid and inflexible imo. You’re ridiculously over reacting - she told you she had something planned, you said you’d stay and because of her terminology you threw your toys out the pram and went home rather than have a nice evening and wake up together on your day off.

In her shoes if this happens again I’d tell you no you couldn’t stay an extra night and I’d go off and do my hobby without a stopwatch over my head.

But I think you’ve decided your right regardless so it doesn’t really matter what we say

I don’t think it would matter what anyone says on here. The OP will still think she was right going by the responses

If the finer details were so important why didn’t you check at the time you added the extra night in?

We left on good terms, I've not gone off in a strop or anything.

I also didn't really 'invite myself' although I can see how it may come across that way. When we first planned going to this event she'd asked me if I was staying the Sunday too and I said I wasn't sure, I'd booked the Monday off for something else that fell through. When it came to the conversation I mentioned I said that I said I might stay the Sunday too? But that was for simplicity-she was already aware that she might have me there on the Sunday as well, it wasn't me saying 'I'm staying Sunday!' and I know she does her hobby that day so I asked how long it would be for, in order to decide. And she's obviously misled me.

Huge red flag and I’d not be inviting you over ever again if I was her. I’d take a couple of hours to mean 2-3 but would t really bat an eyelid at four either, and the fact that you can’t entertain yourself for four hours is ridiculous. You’ve behaved like a child, you’ve got so caught up in being literal that you’ve fucked it up.

Are things not going well at the moment? It seems like a very minor misunderstanding that I would guess for most couples would be nothing. It reads like you are trying to create an argument and want to feel like the wronged partner (hence the flouncing off), I’ve been in a relationship like this and it was very tiring. You sound the opposite of ‘cool’, people who describe themselves as cool rarely are. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t sound like you have much self awareness.

I thought I had. She said a couple of hours and I thought that meant two. With the prior knowledge that it has been that time or less, in previous visits.

I think you are sulking that she didn’t see time with you as important enough to cancel her hobby for.

A couple of hours is vague and if it meant the difference between wether you would go or not you should have asked for the specifics at the time.