To think that 'I'll be out for a couple hours' means 'I'll be out for two hours' (or close, at least)?

[JustMeSammy]

It wouldn't mean around four hours? Or AIBU?

This will be quite long but I don#t want to leave information out.

I am an oldie on here but I've changed my name in case anybody recognises the situation who knows me or her-I don't know whether to call her DP as we don't live together and haven't been seeing one another very long.

We met at work when I was on secondment in her area but I live around 2 and a half/three hours from her and we decided to just see what happened and if it worked we could look at getting a place together.

There was an event in a town near her this Saturday just gone that we both fancied going to so she invited me over for the weekend. IIf I visit I normally just stay Friday and Saturdya night but this one, I told her that as I had the Monday off too this week, maybe I could stay over Sunday night and we could do something Sunday too?

She said yes that would be good, but that she was doing her hobby that day, but that she'd only be gone a couple of hours. She offered to not do it but I said no, that's fine, I don't mind being left for a couple of hours. She lives in a lovely place and I would just go to the shops or go grab a drink somewhere and read my book or whatever (or hang about at hers, weather/mood depending).

We go to event on Saturday, all good and on the way back we stop for a drink, and I ask something like 'Okay remind me about tomorrow, when are you leaving and coming back so we can plan what we can do' and she said she'd be leaving around 12:30pm and back around 16:30 pm.

I was a bit like 'WTF you said you'd be gone a couple of hours and that's 4?! She said 'yeh a couple of hours' I said no, a couple of hours is two hours! I can easily kill a couple of hours at yours but not 4! We argued although not a 'heated' argument as I am a very 'cool' person and don't like to argue but in the end she said 'right I won't go then!!!' And I said no, you go. I think that if she DIDN'T go she'd tell her hobby friends that I had stopped her or told her not to and I don't want that

I am really quite annoyed. Feel I am worth a bit more than that-if she's going to have me over she can't be gone out for the best part of the day (and a quarter of it) I'd also never do that to her.

She continued to argue that a couple of hours doesn't have to mean two.
She also kept explaining things like 'well the thing at hobby takes two hours but I've got to get there and back and that takes X amount of time and then I have to be there a bit of time before and then we have to do this afterwards....' etc etc and I said none of that is relevant! You said a couple of hours and you meant four!

I tried framing it to her that if her work asked her to stay behind for two hours, and she agreed but then they expected her to stay behind for four, would that be okay? She said 'Wouldn't bother me!' so I said well you'd just do four hours woudl you?

She said no!

I asked if we were a couple and she says yes, and I said 'well how many of us are there!!'

As it was, I came home today I felt quite unwanted and unappreciated. It's quite a long drive, and I was looking forward to another day with her. I didn't mind two hours, but not four.

I have no idea how this thread is going to go!

AIBU to have left?
AIBU to feel unwanted/unappreciated?

AIBU to think that 'couple of hours' means two hours (obviously with a bit of give and take, I'd not mind if someone said a couple of hours and it turned out to be just under or over).

AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it, leaving them by themselves in a town they don't know? At least without telling them the truth about it?

I'd never do that and I told her this-to which she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did.

A couple of hours I'd read as about an hour 45 to 2 hours 30. Less would be an hour or so, 3 or 4 would be a few hours. More than 4 and I'd expect rough timings.

I can, I just wanted to be able to make an informed decision on whether I wanted to do that or not, before I decided whether to go or not, not have it sprang on me the night before that the times she had told me were half the amount of time she'd actually be gone.

She hasn’t ’obviously misled’ you

Quite bluntly get a grip and stop being ridiculously pedantic over a term of phrase ffs

I don't think a couple is vague. It means two. It means not 3 or 4 or 8, that would be a few, then several. So close to 2.

I really, truly did not 'storm off'. We walked her dogs together this morning, had breakfast together, had a hug and I left when she had to leave to go and do her hobby.

I think the important thing here is that you invited yourself to stay over on the Sunday.

She said she already had plans for Sunday but could cancel them if you like and you said not to cancel them and you'd work around her plans because they were already in existence before you invited yourself - all of this is green flag behaviour.

When she goes into more detail about her planned activity, you realise it's longer than YOU thought. She said the hobby was a couple of hours, probably assuming you'd add travel time and chatting time onto that, a simple miscommunication and then you accuse her of lying and create an argument. Red flag behaviour (from you).

She realises there's been a miscommunication and offers to cancel her plans (green flag behaviour from her).

You throw that kind gesture back in her face and go home in a huff (red flag, toddler tantrum behaviour).

If I was her, I'd dump you for being such an arse and spoiling the weekend.

I'd have thought 2.5 hours max if she said a couple. However if I was there and it was 4 hours I could have easily occupied myself. Walk, book, drink then I'll have cooked a nice meal for her return watching telly.

She wasn't clear but I think you overreacted terribly.

You realise that, if you hadn’t gone to stay, you’d still have to entertain yourself for the afternoon anyway? “I wanted to make an informed decision” ffs you’re behaving like a child. I’d never enter into a relationship with someone who policed what I said to such an extent that I was pulled up for “mistakes” like this and then they turned it into an argument rather than just letting it drop.

I didn't 'invite myself' although I can see that it may have read that way. We'd had several discussions before the final one I mentioned in the OP, about whether I'd stay the Sunday or not, initiated by her. I apologise for how I worded it as I can see how it might change things.

I didnt want her to have to not do her hobby because of me, that would feel mean (for what it is worth, she has asked me to stop doing one of my hobbies because she didn't like it and I have).
I didn't go home in a 'huff' either. I went home fine.

There's an event on in my town today that I had wanted to go to but I chose to go to hers-the reason I booked the day off tomorrow was because of said event. I thought I was able to get back via public transport so was going to drink alcohol, so I booked the day off work tomorrow. Turns out I'd have to drive so didn't need the day off (I get terrible hangovers after even one or two wines!).

What hobby did she ask you to stop doing and why?

Maybe she minimised it to a couple of hours because she wanted you to stay the extra day. But that isn't being upfront and open and giving you the chance to make your own choice.

A couple of hours is around 2 hours, I would say something between 1.5-2.5 hours. 4 hours is definitely several hours /most of the afternoon!

The fact that she miscommunicated and then tried to make it a problem in his you understood it, is not a great sign.

As you say she does the hobby a couple of times a week, I would think that given she had the chance of an extra day with you, she might have just popped along for a little bit this time, to keep it to a couple of hours.

But the bigger issue is that she is blaming you for not understanding her communication.

It's just semantics. To her that was a couple of hours.

Also it's her hobby she always does. It wouldn't be fair to expect her to stop it because you can stay an extra 24 hours.

It was purely a misunderstanding based on a couple of hours meaning different things to you both.

And considering you live alone I'm sure you could amuse yourself for that time. Bit daft to say you can't!

It's a type of dance that requires me to wear very little clothing-and she didnt want me wearing what I have to wear in front of people.

I can, I just would have preferred to know truly how long it would be for, a reasonable time beforehand.

Well now you know to ask for more specific times when discussing things together.

However you sound very inflexible to have not been able to manage four hours on your own - you could have prepped a lovely romantic dinner for the two of you, or watched a movie. You'd still have had a full morning, plus a late afternoon and a full evening together.

Don’t act like you were doing her a favour by staying the extra night - you’d planned to go to an event you wanted to go to but then “chose to go to hers instead” - because you wanted to do that more than the event. Otherwise you wouldn’t have invited yourself to stay the extra night.

Were you a Magic Mike performer OP? 🪄

A couple means around 2 but in the context of an activity I would think up to 3 to account for traffic, chatting at the end etc.

You sound like a nightmare! I think you might be spending a lot more time by yourself in future...

She lives with her parents I can't stay there, so we have to stay at her friend's house which makes doing things more difficult. I just think four hours is a bit much.

In which case, you could have asked “what times will you be out from so I can make plans?”

Cant put all the blame on her communication when you didn’t ask the right questions, if it was that important to you that an extra two hours without her meant you’d rather not spend the extra 24 hours with her.

I definitely wanted to see her more than go to my event, yes. I like spending time with her. I was responding to a poster who said I'd have had to have entertained myself at my home, if I hadn't have gone to see her at all this weekend.

Yes, I made the mistake of asking her how long she'd be gone for, rather than what times she'd go/be back. I didn't think it necessary.

Yeah this is exactly what I would say. If I were going to be gone for around four hours, I’d definitely not say ‘a couple’, I’d say ‘a few’ or (in this case) probably ‘all afternoon’.