To think that 'I'll be out for a couple hours' means 'I'll be out for two hours' (or close, at least)?

[JustMeSammy]

It wouldn't mean around four hours? Or AIBU?

This will be quite long but I don#t want to leave information out.

I am an oldie on here but I've changed my name in case anybody recognises the situation who knows me or her-I don't know whether to call her DP as we don't live together and haven't been seeing one another very long.

We met at work when I was on secondment in her area but I live around 2 and a half/three hours from her and we decided to just see what happened and if it worked we could look at getting a place together.

There was an event in a town near her this Saturday just gone that we both fancied going to so she invited me over for the weekend. IIf I visit I normally just stay Friday and Saturdya night but this one, I told her that as I had the Monday off too this week, maybe I could stay over Sunday night and we could do something Sunday too?

She said yes that would be good, but that she was doing her hobby that day, but that she'd only be gone a couple of hours. She offered to not do it but I said no, that's fine, I don't mind being left for a couple of hours. She lives in a lovely place and I would just go to the shops or go grab a drink somewhere and read my book or whatever (or hang about at hers, weather/mood depending).

We go to event on Saturday, all good and on the way back we stop for a drink, and I ask something like 'Okay remind me about tomorrow, when are you leaving and coming back so we can plan what we can do' and she said she'd be leaving around 12:30pm and back around 16:30 pm.

I was a bit like 'WTF you said you'd be gone a couple of hours and that's 4?! She said 'yeh a couple of hours' I said no, a couple of hours is two hours! I can easily kill a couple of hours at yours but not 4! We argued although not a 'heated' argument as I am a very 'cool' person and don't like to argue but in the end she said 'right I won't go then!!!' And I said no, you go. I think that if she DIDN'T go she'd tell her hobby friends that I had stopped her or told her not to and I don't want that

I am really quite annoyed. Feel I am worth a bit more than that-if she's going to have me over she can't be gone out for the best part of the day (and a quarter of it) I'd also never do that to her.

She continued to argue that a couple of hours doesn't have to mean two.
She also kept explaining things like 'well the thing at hobby takes two hours but I've got to get there and back and that takes X amount of time and then I have to be there a bit of time before and then we have to do this afterwards....' etc etc and I said none of that is relevant! You said a couple of hours and you meant four!

I tried framing it to her that if her work asked her to stay behind for two hours, and she agreed but then they expected her to stay behind for four, would that be okay? She said 'Wouldn't bother me!' so I said well you'd just do four hours woudl you?

She said no!

I asked if we were a couple and she says yes, and I said 'well how many of us are there!!'

As it was, I came home today I felt quite unwanted and unappreciated. It's quite a long drive, and I was looking forward to another day with her. I didn't mind two hours, but not four.

I have no idea how this thread is going to go!

AIBU to have left?
AIBU to feel unwanted/unappreciated?

AIBU to think that 'couple of hours' means two hours (obviously with a bit of give and take, I'd not mind if someone said a couple of hours and it turned out to be just under or over).

AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it, leaving them by themselves in a town they don't know? At least without telling them the truth about it?

I'd never do that and I told her this-to which she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did.

i don't know what that is! No.

Stay with her friends? It's getting weirder. Just book a hotel or air BnB 🤷‍♀️

this is more or less how I feel. I think she may have misled me to get me to say yes to coming over and/or staying the extra night. she gets upset that I won't go there as often as she comes here.

Do you have autism OP? I can’t imagine any other situation in which you could reasonably be so inflexible.

I would, but she won't do that

DP has autism. I am as allistic as they come.

A couple = 2…
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be irritated by this… not just because she doubled the time she told you she’d be out, but because she can’t / won’t see it from your side, or even try to!
I actually don’t think she should’ve asked you if you’d like her to cancel her hobby, I think if someone is coming to see you and you want to spend time with them you just clear your diary!
After being with people who never put me first, and take take take, I would see this as a red flag and end it. Especially this early into a relationship.,,, To stand there and tell you a couple of hours is 4… ridiculous!

Depends who your asking, a couple hours is 2 hours for me but probably about 3/4 for my partner 😂

Yes, that's what I'd say. Hobby is usually roughly around the same time, which I suppose is why I didn't ask for times earlier on. If I had something to do though, I'd probably rearrange it in order to spend the time with her, if possible and if I couldn't I'd tell her exactly what time(s) and when I'd be back and how long for.

She should have said 4 hours, so you could make an informed choice.

Are you both very young OP and is this your first relationship? Living with her parents and crashing at friend's houses when you visit etc.

I can see how being alone at a friend of your GFs would be uncomfortable for several hours, but this is quite an odd set up.

I think the main issue is your assertion that she deliberately misled you (essentially you're calling her a liar) when it seems just a simple misunderstanding.

You keep talking about the truth like she's lied under oath or something and have made a massive problem about a minor miscommunication.

How do you react when something serious goes wrong in your life OP, if this is your reaction to such a small change in schedule?

YABU. Why didn't you just go for a walk or something? You sound like hard work.

In Ireland "a couple" means "a few", just in case she is Irish.

Yes, she just kept repeating that 'a couple of hours is a couple of hours' until I asked about what she'd have done in the work example I gave, or what are we and how many of us are there. She definitely didn't see my side at all

North East!

So you barely see each other and you are off tomorrow but decided to waste a full evening you could have had together by coming home early?
She didn't "lie" to you deliberately, it was a misunderstanding that you have blown out of proportion.
Who can't entertain themselves for 4 hours?
You are definitely BU

I would have happily gone for a walk -it's more that she misled me as to how long she'd be gone until the last minute.

YABU, you essentially invited yourself on a day she said she had a commitment. Used a turn of phrase that implied less time but not hugely and it seems you got really pedantic over it even after she'd explained. I don't think 2 extra hours to entertain yourself in the whole day is a huge deal.

What do they call two people in a relationship? Is a couple a threesome?

A couple of hours is 2 to 5 hours*

*Unless it’s a match, then it could be 8+ hours.

For me a couple of hours is between 2 and 3 . Definitely not less than 2. I think if you were expecting her home by 2 hours you were being unrealistic . 4 hours was stretching it a bit
you were both unreasonable .

You seem determined to believe that she did something wrong rather than acknowledge that you have experienced a miscommunication. You differ in how literally you mean 'a couple of hours' when you say it which shouldn't be a dealbreaker, but might be if you insist that your partner was deliberately misleading you, not telling the truth, and preventing you from making an informed decision.

Why are you so keen to believe it was malice rather than you both using the word 'couple' slightly differently?

Forties. I have been independent from getting thrown out at 16. My last relationship was very abusive unfortunately. I almost lost my life, if it is coming across to you that I don't manage to deal with things that are seriously wrong.

I guess I see our time together as quite precious, and it seems that she doesn't.

If you are talking about two people in a relationship then couple is used. But if you came home from an event and said that there were only a couple of people there, that could be a few people.