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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to christening

263 replies

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 16:58

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

OP posts:
Yorkshirewithlove · 20/07/2024 17:00

I would be hurt too especially under the circumstances.

CelesteCunningham · 20/07/2024 17:01

No that's really mean. A baby doesn't have friends!

Family only is fine, but very mean of her to split the friendship group into parents and not parents.

cupcaske123 · 20/07/2024 17:03

Forget her.

FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 17:03

That’s really thoughtless and unkind.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/07/2024 17:04

Wow, YANBU.

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:08

That's cruel. A baby doesn't have friends. Stop running around for and after her and be much less available. It's time for some new friends for you, as I'm guessing the group knows you aren't invited.

Thegreatestoftheseislove · 20/07/2024 17:10

A Christening is a public event in a church. Your friend can't stop you from going.

If there is to be a party afterwards, it's their party and they can invite whoever they want. I don't get the reasons your friend gave you and would suggest there is more to that than meets they eye, but, yes, I can understand you being hurt by not being invited.

At least she was upfront with you and didn't just ghost you. They have let you know that you are not as close as you thought you were. You now have a new understanding of your friend and how much they value you. Leave it, learn from it, and move on.

MultiplaLight · 20/07/2024 17:11

That's rude.

Give her a wide berth for a while.

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 17:12

has she absolutely said 'you are not invited' or have you assumed because you have not had an invite that you are not invited?

if you have been and are such a good friend, maybe she just assumes you know that you don't need a formal invite?

justasmalltownmum · 20/07/2024 17:12

That's not your friend.

DarkDarkNight · 20/07/2024 17:12

Wow that’s nasty. I wouldn’t be wasting anymore of my Annual Leave on a ‘friend’ like her. At best she’s extremely thoughtless, at worst she’s deliberately excluding you because you don’t have a child.

RampantIvy · 20/07/2024 17:13

It sounds like she has taken you for granted. I would be less available from now on.

weathervane1 · 20/07/2024 17:14

I agree with one of the previous posters - it might just be assumed that you'll be going. It'd be awkward if that is the case and you didn't turn up. If you're genuinely not invited, that's fairly shitty and entitled behaviour to allow you to help so much and then treat you like that. Maybe time for an awkward conversation?

SeeSeeRider · 20/07/2024 17:15

I think I might un-friend this person. She's let you know where you stand in her world.

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:08

That's cruel. A baby doesn't have friends. Stop running around for and after her and be much less available. It's time for some new friends for you, as I'm guessing the group knows you aren't invited.

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 20/07/2024 17:17

Did she want you around during her maternity leave and did she want you to organise the baby shower? Perhaps there is an element of her feeling you are taking over and she is feeling smothered and trapped by you. I am sure you have good intentions but perhaps she is finding it too much?

CelesteCunningham · 20/07/2024 17:17

Time to quietly tell the gossipiest mutual "in confidence" why you weren't invited...

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 20/07/2024 17:18

Her baby doesn't have friends! She has shown you how much she values you. I'd stop supporting her so much. I'd stop using my annual leave to spend time with her for a start. She doesn't appreciate you. Really bad form.
I'd stop being so available to her and be "busy" whenever she looks for you to come and do something for her

Illbethereforyouuu · 20/07/2024 17:19

She said the words "you're not invited because you don't have a baby"....or have you assumed you're not invited?

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:19

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

That makes it even worse. She's not your friend, OP. I'm sorry, it must hurt like hell to realise.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/07/2024 17:19

@Blackberryandcherry just think of the money you will save!! no pressies for birthdays or christmas for the wee one then and no christmas or birthday cards for her either!!

JoyousPinkPeer · 20/07/2024 17:19

Aren't you 'jumping the gun' thinking youve not been invited if invites haven't yet been sent out?

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:21

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 17:12

has she absolutely said 'you are not invited' or have you assumed because you have not had an invite that you are not invited?

if you have been and are such a good friend, maybe she just assumes you know that you don't need a formal invite?

Yes I am definitely not invited.

I think they are trying to keep the numbers down for the cost, and originally it was going to be family only. It sounds like they have hired some form of kids entertainment for the party after hence the invite to invite the babies ‘friends’.

I do wonder if it’s just thoughtless.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 20/07/2024 17:21

Why do you use annual leave to go and see her? Do you have a social life that doesn’t revolve round her?

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 17:22

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

ah so invites have not been sent yet? i do feel you might have jumped the gun a little!

it would take a special kind of someone to tell you face to face that everyone else but you is invited, unless as someone has previously posted, you've really over-stepped the mark with your involvement of the whole pregnancy/baby shower/maternity leave thing