Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

Of course you can invite whoever you want to a christening but I would make sure it was understood right before moving on.

If you had to put yourself in your friend's shoes and explain to someone sympathetic why you aren't invited, what would you come up with?

Also, as has been said @Blackberryandcherry she can NOT stop you going to the Church. It's a public place. I wouldn't though. Just ghost her. She clearly doesn't think of you as a close friend anymore, because you're not a mummy! What a nasty way to treat you!

You sound like a lovely thoughtful friend.
I would suggest that you back off from the friendship for now. She is unappreciative, and you may have overestimated the value she places on your friendship.

Seriously? AND you threw her the baby shower.

She is definitely rude and not a true friend to you. Just a user. I'm so sorry.

If you christen babies, you're removed from the social aspect, though, unless your parishioners invite you to the after party? You just perform the ceremony. She's talking about not being invited to the ceremony and the after party and it hurts because she's a close friend.

I agree with this. Some people are just users. You've made yourself available and she doesn't value that.

My sister didn’t invite me to my nieces christening and kept it a secret till
after- her reason was because I was pregnant and she didn’t want her day overshadowed as I hadn’t announced to other people yet and she didn’t want anyone seeing my (tiny!) bump and asking questions and taking attention away from her day ! I had no intention of hijacking any other occasion for an announcement I was just going to text Close family after the 20 week scan!

Due to other family issues nobody has even met my dd 😔

Are you sure you're not going to be asked to be godmother?

This sounds almost exactly the same, sorry this happened to you too. How is your friendship now if you don’t mind me asking?

@Blackberryandcherry are you able to confirm if you have actually had a discussion with your friend and that they have actually confirmed that you are not invited to this christening?

has an actual conversation taken place between the 2 of you with her saying you are not invited?

Not just unreasonable. I would be fucking fucking furious. How dare she leave you out after all you have done for her !!
She would be getting bugger all out of me ever again and I would tell her so!!

Aside from the established fact that it's horrible of her not to invite you, why do people think it's acceptable to discuss events that people aren't invited to in front of them? Rude af.

One for the bin

I know! I can't believe that level of rudeness.

Yes I would be hurt tbh. I was going to say maybe she's limiting it to family only but if she's inviting lots of friends and children too then not inviting you is unfair.
Maybe she thinks it won't be your cup of tea? Are they religious and you're not?

Are you definitely not invited though? Have invites gone out? Is she maybe assuming you know you're invited?

Sounds like if this is her way of reasoning she won’t invite you to future things then as you don’t have a child.

Yes I am certain I am not invited - this was made very clear. They are trying to keep numbers down and so it is only family and then friends with kids who are invited.

I’m not sure why friends with children are elevated over child-free friends?? Seems odd.

What a horrible reason "trying to keep numbers down". She may as well just have said "you haven't made the cut, you're not high enough on my list". Awful.

Any particular reason why the only childless one in the group arranged the baby shower all alone?

I would tell her how disappointed I was not being invited - and move on.
She is not a friend. Friends don't treat each other like this.

You are not confirming at any point if the words "you are not invited" were used. Just because they said family and friends with babies she might have been totally assuming you knew you were invited, and beyond that it was family and friends with babies. Did she say those words "you are not invited"??

It came up because she was wanting to clarify the ages of our friends kids for the after party kids entertainer….she was wondering if it might be a bit babyish for a few of the older ones. Not sure she would’ve said anything otherwise.

She asked me to and being childless my hands were less full. I didn’t mind at all as quite enjoy organising things like this,