Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

She’s not a true friend because if she was then she wouldn’t isolate you like this,

I have a best friend who got married in secret and asked a colleague to be her witness rather than her actual best friends (all of who weren’t invited as we don’t see eye to eye with her husband as he’s controlling and manioulative) I removed myself from that friendship, friends don’t do that to friends.

Does she actually go to church? If she did she would know that christenings are usually a very public event as the child is being welcomes into the church. Also many churches do a batch once a month - she might get even more of shock about the amount of people in there!

It sounds like you've gone to quite a lot of bother to help her out over the last year or so, which is bound to make this sting all the more.

I'd be backing off that friendship at quite the pace.

Your 'friend' has clearly shown you how much she values your friendship.

Aren't christenings pulic church services? So literally anyone is free to come along. If the church I attended had a christening on one Sunday, all the normal congregation would go along as usual, so you can just go to church that Sunday.

That’s very hurtful, I’d unfollow her on social so you don’t see the pics.

I’d be very hurt in your shoes. In my shoes I’d be glad as christenings are so boring and I dread getting an invite to one! I normally decline and send a nice gift.

It's probably the after party etc

I was with you until you said you'd used annual leave to go and sit with her.
Hmm...I love my friends but annual leave is SO precious.
I think in doing that you positioned yourself as a walkover who is far too available.
Your value to her went down, not up.

Just my take on it. Sorry if it's not very positive.

Absolutely not. If a friend did that I would be grateful.

If you aren't invited this is extremely mean of her. Why are you doing so much for this selfish ungrateful person. Step away.

She's not only a shit friend but also a bit stupid. Christenings are about introducing your baby to a support network - to leave out the one friend who doesn't have a child of her own and who has a track record of having your back is a very silly thing to do. The christening invitation cock up in Sleeping Beauty, as always with fairy tales, has some truth to it.

Yeah. Why alienate the one person who is more likely than others to be able to babysit?
Her loss, not yours, OP.

Yes so would I...but not everyone thinks the same way.
I think giving people are often disrespected and devalued. Don't you?
Fwiw, I wouldn't have allowed OP to waste annual leave on me...but I'm a tough old boot and deal with my shit on my own.

I had a friend who did a similar thing to me, but it was wedding rather than christening related. We also worked in the same small office. I could not get past it. I just cooled off and backed off. No drama. Always polite. But we never did anything outside of work ever again. It did really hurt. Luckily she emigrated overseas, which suited me fine.

She handed me an invitation to her evening do and said sorry but they were only inviting people to the wedding who had invited them to theirs. She’d been to my entire wedding two years previously. She forgot she’d been to my wedding.

'I was really shocked not to be invited to x's christening, and I wonder if you are aware how much this is hurt me?'

And send.

I am not sure I would want to come back from that, even if she apologises and invites you. It is worth hearing her out, maybe she thought you were away etc.
[Clutching at straws]

God that is terrible!

She has done you a favour OP. All those babies. Once one starts balling - the rest will follow! On a serious note, just say to her it was a shame you weren't invited and that may trigger a response to why.

Has she said you aren’t invited? It’s all very odd if she’s telling you all of this and then not inviting you. Unless she’s really clueless it would seem more likely that you are the exception to to family and baby friends.

Ouch! Well it just shows that she’s a bit of a user. Back off.

Are you 100% sure you aren't invited?

I agree with this

As a minimum she has been really thoughtless

Being blunt might shake her out of it

She was told and told as an explanation she can invite whoever she wants

Could there be more to this story?
I have christened two babies and I am about to christen a third. What I have learnt over the years is not everyone wants to be included in a christening and many see it as a big chore to attend, which is why my guest list has decreased over the years.

At one time in years gone by a christening was seen as one of life's privelages to attend, but I don't think people hold it in such high regard in these modern times. Perhaps she thinks she is doing you a favour by not inviting you.

i dont think its very clear that she was told? or did i miss that update?

I had a similar thing happen years ago. I was still childless when a very good friend of mine (formerly a best friend...) had her first child, so I was the one running around after her in the early days and holding her hand through PND, babysitting, helping out. But then when it was her DC's first birthday, she only invited her friends with children. I was stunned. After everything I'd done (including shopping for birthday things!), I wasn't even welcome to celebrate the day with her.

It seems some people compartmentalise their friends like that when they become parents. "Mummy friends" and "everyone else". My lack of children at the time meant I was in the "everyone else" tier of friends.

Yeah ditch this 'friend' @Blackberryandcherry What a horrible way to treat you. How rude. Ghost her.