Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

If you were picked to organise baby shower because you're childless and it's easier for you, then make sure you're not babysitting when she wants to go out!

If that's the case why would she think OP would be interested in a baby shower?

Friend has been an utter arse if she is thinking that way. It's really not for her to decide what someone else won't like. If she wanted her there, she would invite her (and let her decide if she is coming).

This is unbelievable!
YANBU!

Really bad - I can understand how you feel. I have a male cousin I grew up with. I was closer to him than my own brothers. When he married and had a dear little boy I hoped I would be a God mother. I was really upset to see all the god mothers were his wife’s family. I wasn’t even invited to second child’s christening. ! We live and learn. I’m far less available now.

That is so mean! What an insensitive 🐮
Distance yourself now.
So sorry you are experiencing this. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of thing 2 or 3 times (I’m 70+ now 😊) and it’s literally a shock.
The last time I was about 50 and it was a watershed for me. I said to myself, ‘Ok, you’re not as important to X as you thought you were. Stop doing things for people who might not even want what you’re offering. Look after yourself and distance yourself from them.’
But it was important to me not to make a fuss as I did not want to show myself up or lose my dignity. It worked and I’ve been a damned sight happier ever since.

We live and learn. I’m far less available now.
So very true. It’s a hard lesson.

Blimey mumsnet is usually full of posts where parents & their kids are excluded…
It does seem very odd not to invite a singular adult…. She could’ve easily invited you to the church and simply said I’m not sure the after party is really your thing but we can meet for a coffee another day.

I’d be upset, I’d leave her to it, this would be me backing away, I’d take the hint as not being included in her kids life and wouldn’t be buying a christening/birthday or Christmas gift and wouldn’t be babysitting either. I’d always be unavailable when asked! Bloody cheek!!
Like you I took time off and used to visit my friend after she had her first, I was always popping in on way to work too and would have a coffee with her, hold baby so she could shower etc.. in contrast though she asked me to be God Mother. People are so thoughtless.

I wouldn’t be messaging her or seeing her, she’ll eventually ask what’s up and I’d just tell her straight that you feel upset and hurt that after all you’ve done she couldn’t even extend an invite to you and that you at least know where you stand now!

I just wanted to add that they aren’t especially religious, and were torn between the christening and some sort of naming ceremony; but either way I would’ve felt the same having not been invited.

She is a hypocrite. A church christening is open to anyone - it's about welcoming a child into the (Christian) community. I'm not religious but I hate seeing this kind of hypocrisy.

Your friend is behaving in a very unChristian way. I assume she's chosen a church that will look good on Instagram.

I hope you have better friends @Blackberryandcherry who value you for who you are, not what you've produced!

If you're trying to keep numbers down you invite the friends who DON'T have kids!
Friend with no kids = 1 guest
Friends with kids = multiple guests + noise + distracted parents trying to sooth cranky and overhyped children.

I wouldn't be bothered per se about not being invited to a christening, but leaving you out because you don't have kids is a bit crass. YANBU.

Why didn't you tell her, either at the time or via message afterwards, that you're hurt by it?

Call her out on it by asking 'So I'm not invited because I don't have a child?' see what she says. It's very unkind of her if she isn't inviting you after all you've done for her. Obviously she doesn't think of you as a close friend so I'd be giving her a wide berth after this.