Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

A heavy user of social media, you say - the Christening will be a “socials” opportunity, rather than a meaningful engagement with Christianity. Ironic that, in preparing for a sacrament welcoming a new member into the Christian faith, she’s displayed entirely unchristian values.

I don't think they knew about the non-invite?

It's ok. After that I mentally "downgraded" her importance in my life, if that makes sense. We're still friends and I'll still help out with things, but really only if it's convenient for me. It will probably be the same for you, you'll notice how much you are used because of your availability, but it will bother you less if you match that same energy and say no more often.

I'm with another poster... did she definitely say you are not invited? It sounds like if you are very close she has just assumed you will know you are invited as a given?

You are not confirming at any point if the words "you are not invited" were used. Just because they said family and friends with babies she might have been totally assuming you knew you were invited, and beyond that it was family and friends with babies. Did she say those words "you are not invited"??

This. And if so, did she actually go on to say it’s because you don’t have children?

@Illbethereforyouuu I’m wondering the same.

@Blackberryandcherry At this point you have nothing to lose if she hasn’t actually said the words ‘you’re not invited’ then you should just text her and ask. Or text her and say she’s a shit friend. But I’d make damn sure that I haven’t misinterpreted anything before going that route

I had this! It was years ago but I've never forgotten it; I was there for my friend when her boyfriend dumped her, she was devastated, she was at my place all the time, we did lots together, until she got back with her boyfriend, suddenly didn't want to come out with me, she got married, had a baby ( I wasn't invited to the christening, it was kept mysteriously quiet). I did go to the evening reception of her wedding, but from then on I was dropped in favour of married friends. She didn't want a single woman friend around. I was hurt, but a mutual friend said she'd been treated the same way. I moved on and went out with other friends. The funny thing is the former friend was in town with her baby one day, and expected me to stop and make a fuss over them; I said hello and kept walking. After all, we didn't have anything in common now, did we? 🤨

I'd feel sick about not being invited.
It would reflect on how I felt she thought of me.
Stepping back and finding some other friends to replace the thoughtless idiot would be on my immediate list.

Wow if this is right and you aren't invited then this is unbelievably rude of her. I would have to say something as she has taken the mick of you 100% Seems like you have "mug" written on your forehead I'm afraid.

I agree, I helped my friend (single mum) out loads when she had her child, years later when I finally had my own baby (infertility) she saw her once, made some pony excuse about a disaster that meant she couldn’t come to the It’s a slap in the face!

Good point. It'll be for the social media. It's certainly not about friendship, or, as you say, Christian values.

Couldn’t come to the christening!

I had exactly the same thought.

OP- stop doing things for this woman- she is using you

@Piglet89 To be honest though, how many Christenings these days are anything to do with Christianity?!!

How often do you now meet up all together with the friendship group and the babies? Is it possible she thinks all the people you know will be focused on the babies, all the family you won't know and she'll be running round in the middle? Like she maybe thinks giving the option to play with babies or talk to strangers who all know each other, isn't much fun!

Thank you for organising the baby shower and putting in all that hard work, for me, I really appreciate what you did for me as my friend. I’m so happy that everyone who has children contributed. As you don’t have children I’m sure you’ll understand that I don’t want you to come to the christening but everyone who has children can tell you about it afterwards and there’ll probably be some cake or something leftover that you can have. I’ll make sure to show you some photographs of me with my child and everyone else with their children, too.

I do know some women who get a bit weird, and assume that “married” is a higher status than “single”, then “with child” takes you one step further. There’s no logic to it, but I experienced it in my 20s.

Ok but why not invite your friend who actually has your back?

Yeah it's true. People back away as soon as shit hits the fan

But is that an issue? The issue is not to be invited?

She didn’t say ‘you are not invited’ but she said it was a small gathering with only family which left capacity for another 15 of the babies ‘friends’ and proceeded to list the 8 adults and 7 kids to make up that number.

I am 100% certain I am not invited. She was very clear on only wanting family plus her babies friends.

Maybe not but surely you can see the irony here?

"there will probably be some cake or something left over"
God, how rude! Don't come to the party but I might give you some leftovers! Bloody hell. 😲

To be honest it's probably better than being asked to be a god mother on the principle that as I was childfree and in a well paid job I would be able to buy the children expensive presents and leave them something in. My will.
Strangely the friendship didn't last.

No idea. It’s not me that’s not inviting her.