Not invited to christening

[Blackberryandcherry]

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

I think I'd text her and say something along the lines of "I was really surprised and taken aback that out of our friendship group, I'm the only one not to be invited to the christening for being childfree. It's never been an issue between us before and I feel I've got a lovely and close relationship with you and baby x. I didn't say anything at the time but now I've reflected on it, while I know you want to keep numbers down, to be excluded in this way for a milestone event I find quite upsetting."

Whoosh.

I have essentially ended all friendships which are like this.

Friendship’s are two-way. I’m happy to give but if I’m not considered then it’s not a friendship I’m interested in.

I would also tell her in no uncertain terms what I thought about her behaviour and move on.

Shitty, totally self absorbed behaviour by your friend. I'm sorry that happened.

My youngest's godmother is childless (wanted kids, just never met the right man) and she is by far the most attentive and caring of all my friends when it comes to my kids. She considers my eldest as her godchild too and treats him just the same. I hope I repay her with support etc but I treasure her friendship & my kids love their 'Auntie'.

I think your friend has potentially done her child a disservice and has tainted up a good friendship over 'numbers'.

When people ask why you weren't there, be truthful - it reflects badly on her not you.

You don't need a 'friend' like this

@Moonlitwalk She's probably not a Christian in the first place.

Yeah you’d definitely jump at the chance, wouldn’t you. 😂 Please Sir, can I have some more Sir

You do not need to be embarrassed by your absence. SHE is the one who should be embarrassed and ashamed.

I have a mean streak - I would let it play out and hold my head up high. But fuck doing any more for her.

That is really unkind. She’s shown she sees you as a source of support but doesn’t care for you, I am so sorry.

Why didn’t you say something when she listed off all the friends?

Yea that's crap.

I’ve ended a friendship for less than this. Honestly this is one of those situations where honesty and openness is required. I don’t get these people who behave like this.

”friend, after all I have done for you with a baby shower, taking annual leave to be with you when struggling and (insert whatever else), I am extremely hurt but the fact that you don’t see me as important enough to attend babies christening, even though I have been there for you since they were born. I appreciate that I do not have a child which makes this even more hurtful because you are telling me I am worth less to you than others. You have made it clear what you think of me and that sadly means I will reevaluate our friendship.”

She didn't say you're not invited, so I'd wait and see if it's an assumption she made that you knew you were invited before you jump the gun. Wait and see if you get an invite.

Yeah - sack her off. You are worth more than this poor treatment

Of course she's not! It's for the clicks.

I know! I actually feel sorry for the OP, who seems like a decent, caring person.

She did. She listed the invitees. The OP was not on the list.

You were kind to your friend OP, you went above and beyond. You would be foolish though to ever do that again. That is not a friend, she has shown you this, loud and clear.

Allow her to wipe her feet on you again at your peril.

Are you a people pleaser OP? I only ask because you are worried about feeling embarrassed when you have nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about!

SHE has made herself look like the arsehole here- this isnt about you and anything you have done, this is about her acting like a nasty person.

She should feel bloody embarrassed and the fact that she clearly doesnt and you are worried about it indicates to me that your relationship with her is very one sided. Does she offer you support too or is it only one way?

I suspect that this is a pattern in your "friendship" - take a really good look at this and stop making people a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Im sorry @Blackberryandcherry Its very thoughtless and shows that she is very blasé about everything you’ve done to support her - she doesn’t value you as highly as she should.

I would reevaluate the friendship completely.

If it’s a small gathering to keep costs down, why on gods green earth are they hiring a children’s entertainer?

Why on earth are you embarrassed? You've got nothing to be embarrassed about, your so called friend on the other hand should be hanging her head in shame. Jesus, some people are shit.

A children's entertainer? It's a christening, not a birthday party.

I've been in this exact same position sadly.

My so called best friend did this to me about 7 years ago, only I found out about the christening when she posted the pics on social media the followingday. So I confronted her and she said it was 'close friends only' despite all the other friends being there too.

Our friendship never recovered, we barely speak now except for a message at birthdays. But it still stings now even after all these years.

She didn't. She said family are invited and then listed some kids names with their parents. She didn't say "you're not invited", OP has confirmed this wasn't said.