Over heard DH on the phone

[Misschananderlerbongg]

I really am genuinely wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

Just overheard DH on the phone and it was clear at the other end his friend was talking about the fact his wife had just had a boob job. They’re not close friends.

DH then said ‘I can only dream, that would be amazing’.

Then ‘every Man I know that paid for it had said it was a great investment, money well spent, no one has regretted it’. He’s brought this up with me before.

Then ‘oh I know it’s a no go here, she wouldn’t go for it’ in a very sad voice.

‘It needs to be initiated by the woman, I can’t bring it up’. Then what a lucky guy you are type chat.

This has made me very upset for a few reasons:

1. I have small boobs, but have breast fed 2 kids and think they’re in pretty good shape
2. it’s major surgery and he’s seen me go through major medically required surgery
3. HE has put on weight, I have not and I never comment on it and wouldn’t dream or commenting on it
4. He never compliments me or makes me feel sexy, and now I know he doesn’t like my boobs.

But I’m tired and emotional and keen to understand if I’m in the wrong? It just feels like a betrayal to talk about my body like this 😔

@HaveAWordWithYerselfWouldYa Losing weight doesn't involve money, surgery, recovery, check ups etc.

It could involve all of those 4, depending on the chosen method of weight loss.

I would ask him if he would be open to getting penile enhancement surgery. 😡

Thanks so much, I wish I could go into more detail but I’ve really beaten the odds and worked incredibly hard, from a bloody awful start in life. I don’t have any family apart from one sibling. That’s it.

I do make a huge amount of effort with friends, so I’m fortune to have close friends in real life who have been so supportive. I also am doing therapy which is also starting to help me see him for what he is.

You’ve hit the nail on the head, I want him to cheerlead, and I’m getting the opposite effect from him, he’s making me doubt myself (in numerous ways).

I basically said I was leaving him last night, unless he could change. I said I wanted to be with someone that helped me self esteem and I was sick of being dragged down. He was incredibly upset, has booked in for therapy and bought a book about his issues… we’ll see. I told him they’re just words, but I’ve never seen him like this. I wasn’t that enthusiastic to his attempts though, this should have come years ago.

This thread has helped me realise though, if he doesn’t change I am genuinely off. Thanks (from my small boobs and I!) to everyone that posted, it’s given me so much strength and courage. I didn’t have that on my own.

Good for you OP.
I think you should move ahead as if you are separating.
Find good legal advice and gather paperwork together.
Start clearing out unnecessary stuff from the house for you and your children.
This isn't a good man.
He is upset for himself, not you.
You deserve so much better.
I don't believe he can change.
The level of disrespect he has for you, and disloyalty to you, can not be recovered from.
He isn't trustworthy.
When trust is broken it is over.
Focus on yourself completely.
He and this relationship isn't worth your energy any more.

Well done for telling him. Shame you've had to remind him that he should be your 'cheer leader' but let's see what HE does to rectify. Sit back and watch...I really hope its a positive change for you

She wasn’t eavesdropping. If he’s talking loudly you can’t help but hear.

Do not blame the woman for the man’s bad behaviour.

OP, tell him you overheard him discussing you with his mate as if you’re a sex object.

Tell him you feel betrayed and it’s given you the ick. Can you even have sex with him again given you know what he’s thinking about you ?

If he blames you then you have no option but to tell him he’s run to fat and a turn off.

Tell him he can “ invest” in a big boobs rubber doll.

Read your update OP.
Well done for being strong and telling him straight.

He has some hard work to do if he wants you to stay with him because at present, you deserve better.

Good on you OP for having that conversation. I'm inclined to agree with others that there's no coming back from this. He "didn't mean it like this" - what the fuck is that even supposed to mean. There's no possible way to misconstrue what he said, and it's not about shitty behaviour which he could work on overcoming with the help of therapy. Rather, it's about a fundamental attitude that's so misogynist you won't ever be able to build a good relationship on it. Hold onto your rage, and use it to help you build a better future for you and your boys.

It's not the OP's fault that her husband has said - and appears to mean - these things.

Thats not a nice way to speak about your dw on the phone to your friend.. what your dh has done is wrong and I can totally understand how you must be feeling... if my dh was speaking about my body parts to his friend on the phone putting them down I'd be livid op... so sorry you feel insecure about yrself at the moment.. he shouldnt be shutting you down to his friends especially about something you cant help...

But if you actually thing about all this - how on earth can breast size be 'in fashion' You get what your body develops. They may or may not change over the years due to pregnancy, breastfeeding, perimenopause, hormones, etc.

You have very little choice over your breast size.

Surgery is a choice, I guess, but it's a pretty extreme way to achieve a so-called fashionable look! And definitely not something most people would recommend for most healthy women.

It just seems ridiculous to me that something like breast size can be called fashion!

When next on the phone to your friend:

wow really, his dick is how big ? I could only dream of that here - sex with that - good god that’s amazing and he did what to you, after doing all the laundry and washing up and looking after the kids. Bloody hell. Etc

the above is tongue in cheek - seriously he’s a shit leave him

Yes, he sounds like yet another man who doesn't see women as human beings but a collection of body parts for male pleasure

Glad to see your update, OP. This slimeball is the living embodiment of the joke "What do you call the useless bit of flesh at the end of the penis? A man."

There is no useless flesh at the end of a penis. A man's body is complete and wholly functional as it is.

@shuggles You are both factually correct, and missing the point.

It's outrageous.

I’m sorry but I could never imagine my DH ever talking about my boobs to a mate, let alone encouraging plastic surgery. OP I think you deserve better. You are not being unreasonable.

How can you even wonder if you’re being unreasonable. Your husband is being a total dickhead. Objectifying women’s bodies and body shaming you. Awful.

Don’t say deflated for Christ’s sake

This 😂😂😂
Spot on!

I'd throw one of my daughter's Barbie dolls at him, and tell him, if he wants plastic boobs, he's welcome to them!! Then I'd lock myself in the bathroom with Ken and come out 30 minutes later looking very pleased with myself!

How dare he insinuate that your breasts aren't good enough!

Antonio Banderas is notorious for telling his then wife Melanie Griffith when to have plastic surgery and look at her now!
Fg men!

Good luck OP. You sound like you are clear where you want to be, and where your line is. Only you can decide whether his "efforts" now are too little too late. I say "efforts" because it's yet to be determined whether words translate into meaningful actions and change.

But in the meantime, carry on being strong and proud of your achievements and who you are - shape, size and all. Don't let him dim your light.

Omg this absolutely floored me thanks for making my day 🤣🤣🤣