Over heard DH on the phone

[Misschananderlerbongg]

I really am genuinely wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

Just overheard DH on the phone and it was clear at the other end his friend was talking about the fact his wife had just had a boob job. They’re not close friends.

DH then said ‘I can only dream, that would be amazing’.

Then ‘every Man I know that paid for it had said it was a great investment, money well spent, no one has regretted it’. He’s brought this up with me before.

Then ‘oh I know it’s a no go here, she wouldn’t go for it’ in a very sad voice.

‘It needs to be initiated by the woman, I can’t bring it up’. Then what a lucky guy you are type chat.

This has made me very upset for a few reasons:

1. I have small boobs, but have breast fed 2 kids and think they’re in pretty good shape
2. it’s major surgery and he’s seen me go through major medically required surgery
3. HE has put on weight, I have not and I never comment on it and wouldn’t dream or commenting on it
4. He never compliments me or makes me feel sexy, and now I know he doesn’t like my boobs.

But I’m tired and emotional and keen to understand if I’m in the wrong? It just feels like a betrayal to talk about my body like this 😔

Buy him an inflatable doll, put it at your side of the bed, take the children and stay at a friend's/family for a couple of days. Meantime order plenty of brochures on stomach surgery/abs workout programs/diet pills etc in his name...

Oh I'd have let rip...

'Perhaps when you've been to fat camp and shifted all that poke and had surgery to increase that poke... I'd consider getting a boob upgrade... but really, it might be worth my while just getting the whole man upgraded...."

He’s a misogynist. A true, pure un-fixable misogynist. He sees you and all women as fuck holes with tits that he should be able to get at the exact spec he desires.

I could never get past that.

Oh, bugger off. Do you really think that's the most important thing here??

I’ll be honest I didn’t realise how immature he was until tonight. We’ve been together 12 years and he’s usually loyal and quite measured. he’s got a very responsible job which certainly requires a level of maturity (along the lines of surgeon, people die if he doesn’t do his job properly).

We’ve been having marriage counselling because he’s not been making enough effort, is quite grumpy, and I felt taken for granted.
He’s slowly been making more effort, planning things, more physical touch etc)
. But with the therapy he’s refusing to see there’s anything wrong with him. Meanwhile I’ve been bending over backwards, reading books, watching talks about how my attachment style affects our marriage.
It’s not looking good is it.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone I feel so alone.

That’s horrible. I don’t blame you for feeling so upset. As another poster said, it’s one thing to have a fantasy but another to be verbally running down both you and your body to a mate and in the same house too! He sounds a right fool.

That’s exactly how it feels! Talking crap behind my back about my body, which up until now I was quite happy with. Now his friends thinks my boobs are crap too, great. It’s the betrayal.

Now get on the phone to your friend and tell her how you wish that your husband had a bigger cock! See how he likes it. That’s so nasty of him

Thanks for saying small boobs are in at the moment. I think they suit me.

I have low self esteem anyway from a terrible childhood (which he knows all about), and actually my body was one of the things I felt quite positive about.

Tell him to give you some of his tits.
I’d be upset too, you’re not unreasonable
but probably tell him you overheard and how it makes you feel.
I’ve had similar experiences and it really hurts

Now you know what a basic bloke you’ve married. How tragic that he fantasises about fake tits. It says a lot about how he views you and women in general.

I really expected your DH to use the lame excuse that it was just “locker room talk,” like so many men say.
Or when Trump got caught saying “grab ‘em by the pussy” and Melania called it “boy talk.”
Personally, I think it’s insulting and crude and highly inappropriate to be discussing your own wife that way —but maybe that’s my mum talking.

This is truly disgusting. I would get a severe case of the ick. Objectifying your wife like that and talking about it with friends.
I;d have to leave lots of mags about with buff, half naked, well hung men.

Grim.

Discussing women as objects and openly being regretful that they are able to control their own bodies and make their own choices not to surgically change their bodies, and that the husband isn't able to override this.

Just imagine what is going through his head that you don't know about.

Oh read your update. Stop making so much effort. He thinks of you as a an object, not a person. Watching talks! While he talks crap with his mates.

Not only does your flabby partner think you're not good enough for him, his friends think that too.

Sorry, but your husbands sounds as thick as mince, not a "surgeon" equivalent, like you seem to think.

Here you are, trying to justify your own breasts on the internet, thanks to his disdain. You liked them before, but now because he doesn't like them, you no longer like them. What has he done to you?

Bin him while you still have a shred of self-esteem left.

Tell him you’ll get your boobs done (to be honest if your unhappy with yours I would defiantly get them done) but he needs to get a gastric band, Botox and teeth done and a facelift because your not happy how he looks!

@Misschananderlerbongg

I have wondered during the last 30 years whether a boob job is a good idea for me.
I’m in my 60’s now and so glad I’ve always had small boobs, they hardly sag at all and I can wear fitted clothing with confidence.

Embrace your boobs and suggest to your dh that he has weight loss surgery if he’s so concerned about how people look.

This is vile. I've been looking at getting some minor cosmetic treatment, while he would supportive me if I did, he has expressed how unhappy he is that I feel it necessary. He's mainly upset that I'm not happy with how I look. I do look like I live in a bush but the point is my DH wouldn't ever put me down like that.

Your DH is a pig.

As they say: You need to lose 200 pounds... of asshole. Stat!

I think you'll find that with some therapy and wihout him as dead-weight in your life, your self-esteem will rise miraculously. 😁

I am very small breasted btw. Was a 32 A until I passed 50, and now a 34 B. Love my breasts. DH has never expressed any issues, and I would kick him in the balls if he did. They look good in clothes, and have not sagged as I have got older.

I would tell him l will have a boob job when you get a cock extension, see how he likes it. Or better still, call a friendnm and discuss it with them!

I don't think I would let it drop. I'd have a conversation about how hurt it's made you feel and that how would he like it if he overheard you on the phone how excess fat buries the head of the penis and makes sex unsatisfying. That you wouldn't dream of saying anything like that because you have respect for him.

He needs to know how it feels

Uugh what a massive turn off to hear him talking to his mate about women's bodies like they're a piece of meat 🤮 it sounds like you are working very hard to save a relationship with someone who isn't making the same effort. You can't unhear what you overheard and I doubt you'll be able to forget it 😔

He sounds very dull and small minded. Perhaps you should upgrade your husband, ideally by replacing him.