Over heard DH on the phone

[Misschananderlerbongg]

I really am genuinely wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

Just overheard DH on the phone and it was clear at the other end his friend was talking about the fact his wife had just had a boob job. They’re not close friends.

DH then said ‘I can only dream, that would be amazing’.

Then ‘every Man I know that paid for it had said it was a great investment, money well spent, no one has regretted it’. He’s brought this up with me before.

Then ‘oh I know it’s a no go here, she wouldn’t go for it’ in a very sad voice.

‘It needs to be initiated by the woman, I can’t bring it up’. Then what a lucky guy you are type chat.

This has made me very upset for a few reasons:

1. I have small boobs, but have breast fed 2 kids and think they’re in pretty good shape
2. it’s major surgery and he’s seen me go through major medically required surgery
3. HE has put on weight, I have not and I never comment on it and wouldn’t dream or commenting on it
4. He never compliments me or makes me feel sexy, and now I know he doesn’t like my boobs.

But I’m tired and emotional and keen to understand if I’m in the wrong? It just feels like a betrayal to talk about my body like this 😔

If you are in counselling, tell the counsellor. Let him be humiliated.

He’s brought this up with me before.

How very strange that it's such an issue for him.

Can you imagine even considering asking your husband to alter his body in some way just for you, let alone referring to it as an “investment”. It would be unthinkable wouldn’t it? He thinks you’re his possession and does not view women as human beings.

I think this is a pretty big betrayal.

It's not unreasonable to privately wish that aspects on your partner's body were different (and, in some contexts, like if it's affecting their health or self-esteem, to raise it).

I could, perhaps being generous, stretch to very jokey comments in response to a friend's spouse getting some sort of cosmetic surgery, be it a boob job, penis enhancement or whatever else, but this seems to be a genuine critique of the OP's body.

I don't like to throw LTBs around but this seems like something that would be very difficult to get past.

You absolutely do deserve better. Maybe this will be the push you need to co aider your stance on the marriage.
Life is too short to waste on someone who isn’t giving 100% to your relationship.

You do deserve better. Stop making an effort at couples therapy and do what @Oldseagull suggested. See how he likes it?

He sounds immature as does his friend. How old are they? Pathetic really. It’s incredibly hurtful and disrespectful for him to talk like that. Your body is fine. He’s the problem but it’s not your job to fix it.

Small boobs are in? How can you comment this, a body shape isn’t a subject of a trend.

Tell him he's more than welcome to get breast implants himself of whatever size he fancies and do whatever he wants with them.
I don't understand this concept of husbands paying to alter their wives bodies and instigating the idea of cosmetic surgeries to another human being.
Like'buying' part of their body.

Anyway, you shouldn't feel in any way bad about your small bust.
This is why:
I've been incredibly upset for a very long time after I stopped breastfeeding my first child. I always has a small bust but really beautiful breasts and the size and shape suited by frame. They really didn't look great at all after breastfeeding for a year. I really felt I lost part of my identity. They did settle after quite a while and breastfed a second time but for 6 not 12 months. It all fell into place eventually, they will never be what they were before pregnancy but it's not a bad situation anymore. I wouldn't have a problem going topless on a beach anymore and I've been able to go back to not wearing a bra with certain outfits. I also feel a smaller bust gives more clothing options and gives the appearance of a more youthful body shape. A smaller busted body looks more athletic and, personally, I prefer that aesthetic. I've never ever been jealous of women with bigger breasts and would never want bigger myself. I absolutely hated having big breasts while pregnant, although, looking back, everything was actually in proportion at the time. Plus, surgery can go really wrong- why risk it?! Unfortunately for my husband, he is a big boobs kind of man but managed to survive without big boobs for many for many, many, many years.

Did he really say investment? Shit.....dude.....☹️

Be blunt with him and tell him you think he should get a 🍆 extension.
He’ll soon shut up then.

He sounds like an absolute idiot.
Who talks like that.

I don't think this is a small deal. He's shown himself to be ridiculous and completely unattractive. Big time ick. Can I throw in a LTB.

That's really shitty, OP

Unfortunately, no man regrets spending the money apparently.
To those asking we’re both late 30s.

First thought that went through my mind about a penis enlargement. Could be a “great investment”

If I were to bring it up I'd bring it up that I heard and aLso mention his weight.

I'd also pretend to call a friend and talk about guys with circumcised penises being amazing. Or worse guys with bigger ones...and I'd make sure he'd hear it.

Or bring the topic up. Bring his weight up. Then bring all the above up and give him a taste of his own medicine.

@Misschananderlerbongg

So sorry you are married to a twat.

I could never, ever imagine talking to anyone about my wife like that.

What a tool.

Yeah. I’m not surprised you’re upset. It sounds like ‘locker room talk’ and i wouldn’t read too much into it, but obviously hard not to.

if you don’t find him attractive ow he’s gained weight this would need a great opportunity to have that conversation

He’s made himself look really bad though. Men talk about their wives and women talk about their husbands. I bet he’ll be ashamed of himself when you confront him

Perhaps have a rather loud conversation with your friend about how you wish your husband's penis was bigger but sadly it is what it is.

I'd be looking at upgrading HIM, to be honest.

Oh and tell your counsellor about this one.

I would buy a sex doll with massive boobs, and some boobie stress relief novelty toys, leave them on the bed and leave. Then when he calls tell him to cry to his new rubbery wife because you’re about to go find a man who doesn’t mind sucking on your smell titties.

but that’s just me.

Many men make me feel physically sick. This is why.

Send him a load of pictures of actual boob jobs gone wrong. Natural size / shape is ALWAYS better than false except in the minds of very immature young men.

Tell him you want a boob job, get him to ‘front it’ but actually just cop the money and go on a nice holiday (joke)

I'd really struggle with this OP. There's something so dehumanising in that conversation. An investment, as if he's talking about buying an extra bit of gear for his domestic sex appliance.

Does this man who claims to love you really think that you should undergo actual surgery to make your body more sexually desirable to him? Why would he think that? You are a full person. Your body is your actual fucking body, that you, the person whose body it is, inhabit. It is yours, it isn't some toy for him to add to or stick random bits of plastic onto for his own gratification.

The way he talks about no man regretting the decision to spend the money makes it seem like he thinks that your body exists mainly to cater to his sexual appetites, so anything that makes you sexier to him is a good investment. Fuck that OP.

Gross behaviour… perhaps it’s time to leave ads for penis enlargement surgery and erection enhancement devices around the home.