Over heard DH on the phone

[Misschananderlerbongg]

I really am genuinely wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

Just overheard DH on the phone and it was clear at the other end his friend was talking about the fact his wife had just had a boob job. They’re not close friends.

DH then said ‘I can only dream, that would be amazing’.

Then ‘every Man I know that paid for it had said it was a great investment, money well spent, no one has regretted it’. He’s brought this up with me before.

Then ‘oh I know it’s a no go here, she wouldn’t go for it’ in a very sad voice.

‘It needs to be initiated by the woman, I can’t bring it up’. Then what a lucky guy you are type chat.

This has made me very upset for a few reasons:

1. I have small boobs, but have breast fed 2 kids and think they’re in pretty good shape
2. it’s major surgery and he’s seen me go through major medically required surgery
3. HE has put on weight, I have not and I never comment on it and wouldn’t dream or commenting on it
4. He never compliments me or makes me feel sexy, and now I know he doesn’t like my boobs.

But I’m tired and emotional and keen to understand if I’m in the wrong? It just feels like a betrayal to talk about my body like this 😔

I think its definitely safe to say that you deserve better. Infact, I'm guessing that you are better. Please do say to him that you are kind enough not to mention his weight so who the fuck does he think he is?
I wouldnt be shocked to learn that he knew full well you could hear him.

In your place, I’d tell him this: “DH I couldn’t help over hearing your conversation with X regarding breast implants and actually, I’m really in favour of them and think they would be a very worthwhile investment. Might I suggest that you ring the clinic tomorrow and make an appointment for a consultation and then we can decide on the best shape and size before we buy you all of the different bras you’ll need when you get them. And while you’re at it, why not arrange to have a penis extension too? I could certainly do with a few extra inches and with your new breasts and a bigger dick you’ll have so much to fondle you won’t know where to start!” Then smile sweetly and leave the room.

@cheeseislifeyes@Towelmode(for example)

Please don't do that penis enlargement thing. Stop and think. You are all being played: men and women. Men playing on women's insecurities. Women playing on men's insecurities. Neither of you are the enemy. The enemy is Big Medicine. I'm not at all anti-vaccine or a conspiracy theorist. I just see capitalism getting to work and stuck in - on our ACTUAL BODIES.

The plastic surgeons who are making a ton of money out of your insecurity are the winners. Google "PIP breast implant scandal", Google "vaginal mesh implant scandal".

Understand that we collectively are the experimental body on which they perfect their art. an art that distracts and ultimately divorces us from our natural way of life.

I'm an older women. I'm not their market. I can't put a stop to it. But I wish younger women would see what is going on and put their collective feet down, retain their breasts just as they always have been. Retain their bums, just as they always have been, and say fuck off to anyone who suggests their breast or bums are in any way lacking.

You know what OP, you’re happy with your body and that’s a great thing, be proud of it! Tell your DH you like your body, ask him if he’s comfortable in his ( fatter) self.i hope you can both move past his and it’s deffo a DH problem

Op I really hope you don't have daughter with him

How degrading. It doesn't sound like he's very nice tbh.

Just a warning - once you see him for who he is, there is no turning back. My exH increasingly treated me a bit shit over the years, making little to no effort, bringing me down, not being supportive about my career, taking me for granted.

One day I had enough. And there was no turning back. He made so many apologies, went to therapy, etc. But I was out of love. The problem is I had been telling him for years that I wasn't happy and that he wasn't treating me well but he didn't actually HEAR it until I was looking for an apartment. And it was just too late.

He told his mates it was totally out of the blue and that he made loads of effort. It would be so laughable if it wasn't my life.

I'd pretend to be on the phone to a mate and start talking about penis enlargements and how that would 'be the dream', see how he likes it.

Absolute knob to sit there and say all that with you able to hear. He knows exactly what he's doing, just trying to make you insecure.

@Shallysally ???? of course body shapes are a trend.

Have been for hundreds of years.

Renaissance curves

Skinny in the 1920s

Hourglass in the 50s

Twiggy in the 60s

Heroin chic in the 90s, closely followed by the large breasted look that prompted thousands of boob jobs.

Kim Kardashian and the large bum trend which prompted buttock enhancement surgery.

And now, that is on the way out, and the look that is "in", is small, natural breasts.

Not saying it's right, but to say body shapes aren't a trend is just not true.

I believe that’s a typo. On my phone c and x are next to each other. Happens to me a lot.

There is so much wrong with this. A man wanting to pay to change a womans body.. my god. Talking about it with his mate. Yuck.

The OP is too good for him.
I think only a particular type of juvenile creepy sleaze would speak about their wife's body like that.
So classless.
How on earth would she ever have sex with him again.
Attraction killer as far as I'm concerned.

Urghhhh he's foul. Besides, any man that would pay to increase his wife/girlfriend's risk of getting cancer, is a piece of shit. It's well known that implants cause serious health risks for women. He's utterly vile. Coupled with you already being in therapy and him seeing nothing wrong with himself, is there really a future for you both? He's grim.

Tattoos are not as minor as shaving body hair, yet, the latter is more controversial.

Disgusting. It sounds like the writing might be on the wall for your relationship in many ways.

Personally, I’d tell him that he’s fat and less attractive than a few years ago. I’d also tell him that I would NEVER say that about him to a friend, and I would NEVER discuss the fact that his penis isn’t as large etc as I would like.

When people fall in love and make a life together, it’s about so much more than a couple of physical characteristics.

He sounds gross.

Sure, then you look like a complete moron when he agrees and starts looking at flights. 🙄

Ugh. I’m so sorry, OP. Talking about you as if you are a possession, a thing in his life to please him. It’s so creepy.

does he know the many many health issues potentially associated with that operation, or are they both just wanting to create pleasing dolls for their own use?

I truly hate men

Your husband is a piece of shit. Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and fully admit it to yourself and then get the fuck rid of him. He's truly disgusting.

Would upset me too. I have big boobs and would prefer them way smaller, please don't feel insecure a lot of men don't care about boobs.

I’ve woken up still enraged and it’s clear if things stay the way they are he’ll just kill my self esteem.

I’ve done pretty well in my career but have just had a big change which is daunting. I was dreaming last night of what it would be like to be with someone who actually cheer leads and supports me. Someone who is proud of me, he never says he is.

Then there’s the fact I do like my body on the whole, I’ve had 2 kids and I am proud of it. If I stay with him I’ll continue to second guess this and feel under confident about it.

I don’t want to be naked in front of him anymore, certainly don’t want to have sex with him.

To those asking I’ve got boys, I’m a feminist and am raising them to respect women. So I worry what they’ll inherit.

Even if you weren't keen on your body you might not be wanting surgery.

For me surgery would have to be life saving.

Don't let him give you doubts.

You articulate all of this beautifully. Say this to him, or write it down and give it to him if it feels easier to say exactly what you mean. He needs to fully comprehend why what he has said/done is so abhorrent.

Eavesdroppers of husbands who talk about women’s bodies as though they’re purely for their sexual pleasure don’t hear good things.

Clue: it’s not her fault.

Agree

How upsetting.

Sorry to say, for me this would probably be very hard to get past, OP.

Tell him you’ll get a boob job when he loses weight