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AIBU?

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He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

1000 replies

Onceuponacookie · 18/07/2024 20:24

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

OP posts:
Knockon · 18/07/2024 20:25

Kick him straight back out again

Perfect28 · 18/07/2024 20:26

You are being unreasonable to allow this man to move into the home you share with your children. Massive mistake OP.

endofthelinefinally · 18/07/2024 20:26

Get rid and end the relationship. What an awful man. He is using you.

Cityandmakeup · 18/07/2024 20:26

And I would be saying goodbye to that freeloader.

Member984815 · 18/07/2024 20:26

Get rid asap

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 18/07/2024 20:27

Tell him to shut the door on his way out and wish him luck with his life.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 18/07/2024 20:27

Omg are you crazy...his arse would be out of my door so fast...why on earth have you not tackled this earlier...you have yourself a cocklodger !!!

crockofshite · 18/07/2024 20:27

C O C K L O D G E R. !

get him out, sharpish.

LifeExperience · 18/07/2024 20:27

Dump the cocklodger.

FadedRed · 18/07/2024 20:28

Tell this freeloader to move back out again asap.

LiamNeesonIsADerryGirl · 18/07/2024 20:29

Kick his ass right back out again. Please don't let him take you for a mug.

Sarah2891 · 18/07/2024 20:29

No self respecting man would not want to contribute. Get rid quickly!

Worthalltheyears · 18/07/2024 20:29

Congratulations OP - you have your very own cocklodger.
Get rid!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/07/2024 20:29

Fucking hell. Get him out first thing in the morning. If not tonight. Cheeky arsehole, how can you even look at him? He’s stealing from your children. Stealing. From. Your. Children.

And probably irrelevant but I wonder how your ex feels about funding some random bloke.

Badburyrings · 18/07/2024 20:29

Cocklodger, but why on earth did you not have this conversation before he moved in? Surely this was part of the discussion prior to him moving in?

JimberlyJo · 18/07/2024 20:30

Unfortunately you’ve given him too much info on what your settlement with your ex amounts to. This was nothing to do with new bloke.

Get rid. Things won’t get better. He has no intention of paying his way.

Hatty65 · 18/07/2024 20:30

Mate. If this is genuine you are an idiot.

Tell him to pack his bags and go. Now. You'll dump anything else of his on the doorstep for him to collect at the weekend. Nothing is worth this crap.

And if I were you I'd look into massive amounts of counselling before you date anyone ever again. You can't genuinely believe this is normal and that people get to move into your home for free and laugh in your face when you ask for money????

PonyPatter44 · 18/07/2024 20:30

He's not even pretending to be a decent man now, is he? Kick him straight back out again, my love, and congratulate yourself on spotting a wrong 'un.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/07/2024 20:30

Throw him the fuck out.

Seriously, I'll come and do it for you...

Itsagreatdaytosavelives · 18/07/2024 20:31

100% agreement. thats a dear diary moment fir mumsnet!! get rid

Createausername1970 · 18/07/2024 20:31

Ditto everything above.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 18/07/2024 20:32

This is not a good man. You would be insane if you don’t tell him to move straight back out again. He is a user.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 18/07/2024 20:32

This is not a good man. You would be insane if you don’t tell him to move straight back out again. He is a user.

OldTinHat · 18/07/2024 20:33

Congratulations! You have yourself a cock lodger right there.

He pays or you get rid.

cupcaske123 · 18/07/2024 20:33

Why are you putting up with this?

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