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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

1000 replies

Onceuponacookie · 18/07/2024 20:24

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

OP posts:
LadyWiddiothethird · 18/07/2024 20:42

You are a fool OP putting up with this man! Your financial arrangement with your ex has NOTHING to do with him.Get rid.

greenwoodentablelegs · 18/07/2024 20:43

What have I just read ?!

OP he either pays you and starts buying food or moves out immediately

‘He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute’

like does he have a golden cock ? What the fuck is this ?

AGoingConcern · 18/07/2024 20:43

He moves out tomorrow, OP. Once you've removed his belongings from your home, block him. No negotiation, no ultimatums - this man has nothing but contempt for you. Absolutely ridiculous.

pasturesgreen · 18/07/2024 20:43

Cocklodger alert!

Move him out sharpish before he settles in too comfortably.

Allmarbleslost · 18/07/2024 20:43

Wake the fuck up and kick him out!!

Numsmetposter · 18/07/2024 20:43

Chuck him back, without delay.

You deserve someone that isn't after a free ride.

thecatsarecrazy · 18/07/2024 20:43

Ah yet another waster of a man..
Cock lodger.
Honestly I wonder if there are any real men in the world anymore

hulahoopqueen · 18/07/2024 20:43

This man is the definition of cocklodger. Kick him right the fuck back out again.

DadJoke · 18/07/2024 20:43

This is so black and white. I agree with the other posters. Kick him out. It's the "doesn't help around the house" which absolutely seals it.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 18/07/2024 20:43

Kick him out.
Kick him out.
All together now....
Kick him oooouuuut!!!!

Dweetfidilove · 18/07/2024 20:44

YABU for entertaining him for six weeks under the guise of giving him time to 'get settled'.

I presume you've now unsettled him back right out the door?

Duckswaddle · 18/07/2024 20:45

Sweet Jesus you daft sod, chuck him back out again!! Why the fuck would you subject yourself and your children to this??

Seeingadistance · 18/07/2024 20:45

Knockon · 18/07/2024 20:25

Kick him straight back out again

Yep!

MissUltraViolet · 18/07/2024 20:45

Why do women put up with men like this, seriously? How is this better than being single!? You cannot be this desperate for a man that this is even remotely acceptable.

How did your fanny not clamp itself shut when he made it clear he is happy for your ex-husband to pay his bills for him. Ewwww.

ClemmyTine · 18/07/2024 20:45

This cannot be real!?

Gillypie23 · 18/07/2024 20:46

Kick his arse out. Looking for a free ride.

Lampzade · 18/07/2024 20:46

Ladies, please, please stop inviting randoms to live with you and your kids.
Do your due diligence ffs
I am sure that OP’s ex will be totally pissed off with having to sub his exes boyfriend

AmandaHoldensLips · 18/07/2024 20:46

He had it all worked out, didn't he?

Show him the door and go back to enjoying your home.

If when he starts wailing "where am I supposed to go?" remember it's not your problem.

JellyIegs · 18/07/2024 20:47

🚨 cocklodger! And one who wants to control how you and your kids behave in your own home, too 🥴

Lampzade · 18/07/2024 20:48

greenwoodentablelegs · 18/07/2024 20:43

What have I just read ?!

OP he either pays you and starts buying food or moves out immediately

‘He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute’

like does he have a golden cock ? What the fuck is this ?

Exactly
He must have a fifteen inch cock adorned with precious stones

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 18/07/2024 20:48

Off he pops.

villamariavintrapp · 18/07/2024 20:49

Kick him out, and do it quickly before your ex husband realises you are using money he pays for the kids to subsidise this loser. Especially if he's not legally obliged to continue paying so generously!

Cornflakelover · 18/07/2024 20:49

If I were your ex husband I would be looking to change “ paying the mortgage arrangement “

no way would I be paying a mortgage on house qheee another person is living free of charge

WigglyVonWaggly · 18/07/2024 20:49

Move that cheeky parasitical fucker straight back out.

Bowib · 18/07/2024 20:50

If he doesn’t want to contribute to the household, he wouldn’t be living in mine.

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