He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Hope you are ok, OP?

Can’t believe he thought he could live with you for free, just buying a small amount of food for himself! What a prick!

I really do hope things work out and he goes quietly.

I keep checking for updates. Hope the OP is ok.

This.

You are lucky that you were actually able to spot this sooo early on.

I know someone who got used for visa purposes and had kids with her really fast and has never worked or contributed to bill or households expenses for the last ten years.
On top of that, she pays him an allowance as he claims he is depressed and needs to go on holidays without her and the kids.
She happily pays as doesn't want a divorce.

So I commend you for your brave actions.

Everyone- once this thread gets to 1000 messages, the op won't be able to respond on it any more, so we won't find out how she is doing. PLEASE no more messages apart from @Onceuponacookie

PLEASE STOP RESPONDING EVERYONE

THE OP KNOWS WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR HER AND HOPING SHES OK.

Just seen your latest update, so pleased that you are cutting this cocklodger adrift!

Please don’t feel ashamed to tell people in real life, your story may well inspire others who are going through similar.

There are so many threads like this on mn, and they rarely end with the CL being giving their marching orders this quickly. They often involve excuses from the CL as to why they unable to pay for themselves (and often their DC), and sometimes a ‘bitter ex’ who has created their financial woes into the mix.

So good on you for not letting him gaslight you into thinking that you are the problem. I hope you and your DC enjoy your house without him. Perhaps you could set up a part 2 threat when you get a chance to keep people updated.

I don't see any indication that the OP promised any updates. She doesn't owe posters any further information, just because they're nosy.

@Onceuponacookie please do not be in any way embarrassed, you were lied to!

You are being amazing, strong and decisive getting him out as soon as his true colours show.

YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about, he in the other hand is clearly a worthless scrounger who has deceived you. You are the victim of a con man, no more no less.

Well done you for acting so quickly when his facade dropped!!!!

This in buckets.

He is astoundingly awful! I think youll know by now you should have had this conversation before you moved him in, especiallly with kids to consider. No conversation about money/bills etc is too awkward when the alternative is disruption to your kids lives. Get rid of him now before you do further damage to them.

Yeah Op may choose not to update us and that’s fine, but if she does and this gets filled tbf she can always start up a part 2 thread like many other posters do.

ah sorry, ignore my posy. for some rwason i thought it was 2 pages in….not 40!

All the best OP.

I think youll know by now you should have had this conversation before you moved him in, especiallly with kids to consider

She did have the conversation. However, HE did not stand by his word. HE did not consider the impact it would have the kids. However, she did, hence the many conversations she had with him.

Omg hes totally hit the jackpot there with you! And why on earth do you need this idiot?!??!! He totally is using you and your ex even to live off of you both and your children. What a selfish arse kick him out you dont need him AT ALL. he doesnt help nor give u money what an absolute joke!!!

Well done OP - my partner moved in in similar circumstances but we negotiated his monthly contribution in advance and reviewed it every few years. He had you over though and lied through his teeth - would love a follow up thread to hear how he reacts

Read the updates

Hopefully he's gone...

OK.

Has he slung his hook yet, OP?

Please update again us so we know you are OK.

Good for you OP.

Thank goodness you are standing your ground. He's being completely unreasonable. Freeloader!

Nobody owes anyone an update, but forgive those of us who are worried, given what she said about him having a temper.

The OP can start a new thread should she need/want to. There’s not a limit!

WE'VE BEEN ASKED NOT TO FILL UP THE PAGE WITH ANY MORE POSTS!

Like a red rag to a bull though.

And the OP owes nobody an update anyway.

Good on you OP

Please update us and let us know you are OK

Unfortunately I suspect the op has been unable to complete the mission 😔

I really hope things worked out OP and he left quietly.