He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

I agree with everyone, he's an exploitative parasite. Please, please show him the door.

Oh my god....forgot splitting the bills just kick his obnoxious arse out.
He's awful and you're setting a terrible example to your kids.....

He's critical of the mess you and your children make? In your own home? The fucking nerve of him.

Imagine if he paid all his costs for him and his child …. How much money you would have from it from when your kids are 18. So not use your own resources to fund him. Or are you prepared to give away thousands a year of money yo could use for you and your children?

if you wish to give 2 people a significant amount of your money …. He has found a way.

Look at your kids
Would you want them to be in your situation? You need to model not being taken for a ride.

Have a really good think about what sort of a man is happy to have his existence paid for by his girlfriends ex husband. Its embarrassing for him.

You’re an idiot if you let him stay.

Pack his bags and tell him to fuck off. This man is a leech and he fully intends to bleed you dry.

I wouldn't even bother negotiating because he will bully you for favourable terms and still make you feel like you are fleecing him.

You are a fool if you let him stay.

I usually try and side with men (devils advocate and all that) but not in this case. He is being a total dick and needs to be told.

So unattractive. I'd end the relationship and kick him out.

😮 He's in your house, which he is paying nothing towards the upkeep of and doesn't like any mess you make in your own house.

He is the visitor basically - he doesn't get to dictate how your children or you live.

How fucking dare he. He doesn't even like or respect you, let alone love you. Kick him out and don't let your children think this is remotely normal.

I've said you are being unreasonable because you still seem to think you can have a blended family if he contributes.

Act now. This is a ridiculous situation and you are being taken for a ride. Without any haggling, just get him out. This is not someone to be with or want around your DC.

OMG he sounds AWFUL! Get rid asap. Tell him things aren’t working out as you expected and he needs to get his own place! But why the hell didn’t you agree this before he moved in?

Does your ex know he’s paying nothing? In his shoes I’d be livid and start taking steps to reduce maintenance etc and possibly even get the house sold.

Plus if you decide to let him stay get him to sign some sort of agreement that he has no claim over the house itself- that would also be my worry.

Just kick him out and get rid. He’d obviously planned this and is using you.

Don’t give him a chance to pay, or carry on the relationship once he’s moved out. Just end it now, he has shown you who he really is.

He needs to move back out. First thing.

Does your maintenance agreement with your ex agree to keep paying if you move someone else in ?

Your BF needs to be shown the door now if he isn’t paying his way - this is just the beginning and the situation / his attitude to everything will only get worse

Well if you put up with this you’re crazy

Wow

You need to kick this piss taking cock lodger out tout de suite aka immediately

What on earth did you say in response to that? Most people would have laughed and then when they realised it wasn’t a joke would have immediately told them to move out then.

where are your boundaries op? Tell him he’s out on his ear.

Tell him to move back out, right now.

WTF!? OP, come on....why, just why. Throw the twat away and try again.

He can move back out again then, can't he! Surely your council tax has gone up of nothing else. Unless one of your teens is over 18 that is.
Were you claiming any UC that you've now lost?
And of course your other bills have gone up. Even if it's only by a small amount.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to boot the freeloader out on his ear.

What an attitude and he's only had his foot in the door 5 minutes. Serve him notice now!