He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

And don't move a new man of less than a couple of years in with your kids again.

For the umpteenth time - read the update!

Yeah I’d be asking him to move back out.

Ah, well done OP, I’ve seen the update.

@Onceuponacookie
I hope you're ok?

@daisychain01 - except, in her first post, the OP explained that: "Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved." And in a later post, she explained further: "I reminded him that we had agreed beforehand that once he was settled in he would contribute financially and physically to help keep the house clean. He acted like I was mad for even thinking that was viable. Then thanked me sarcastically for my generosity of a daily hot shower."
Enough with the misogyny!

He is a user!!!!

Don’t be embarrassed. He was an arse hole and you’ve dealt with it.

Please let us know if you are ok Op x

Oh dear. He’s rude, mean and disrespectful. Does he think you should value these characteristics??

@Onceuponacookie you nee to start a nee thread as a follow on .
let us know you are ok

All of this. Well said, @RogersOrganismicProcess. Well done OP. Thinking of you.

Ah sorry didn't see. Well done OP.

How hard faced he is telling you he’s not paying and trying to make it your fault, because it’s your exes house.
Beggars belief that people like him exist. Well rid op.

Well done

Eugh, what a cock lodger. At least his true colours are clear. He's not obfuscating. It's overt. He's telling you he is. ''I am an unapologetic cock lodger, with another dependent to boot''.

what do you do? GET TURNED OFF.

don't wast your breath trying to get through to him. Just tell him that his attempts to plunder you like you're a resource is a turn off

@Onceuponacookie hoping you are ok? xx

What a terrible ahole! At first I thought he's done a bait & switch, then read on, & couldn't believe how awful he is. This won't get better for you. Omg, you poor thing. You need to nip it in the bud asap. Accept only better people for you.

Well done OP

We need a post on 'Signs to look out for when allowing your boyfriend to move in' and a notice to show a prospective incomer, before they move in, making it clear what the expectations (and costs) are! Would save a lot of grief!

And I will come too.. I've not got much on today what about you MrsTP?

He can f××k off to the far side of f××k. Seriously OP you dont need this this despicable cocklodging leach in your life..

Tell him strait it's not working and he needs to leave.

A man who breaks his promises about money won't give a s×it about anything else

PS apologies for bad language but it seemed appropriate in this case!!

Hope he’s not still giving you grief.

I'm sorry I was so utterly outraged I missed your update .. well dine. Hope he doesn't come back

well done @Onceuponacookie you acted exactly right for you, your kids & your house, he is an absolute prick & the fact he's laughed at you is infuriating! Yes go you your mams & have a lovely weekend, also I wouldn't bother even opening whatever texts/phonecalls will be coming your way from him

Good luck!

Yup. Appropriate language indeed!