He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

Exactly! I wouldn't even want him at this point, so the only conversation would be about him moving back out.
God only knows how people sign up for these extra children, cos he can't be a man.

You should ditch him. He’s revealed his true feelings about contributing to a shared household and he’s not interested in doing it. You can’t build a relationship with someone like that. He’ll just take from you.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he showed himself to be pathologically selfish. Don’t ignore this.

@Onceuponacookie He laughed at you when you were being perfectly reasonable.

He is not a good person and he is nasty.

Kick him out and change the locks and get yourself some support and people who will back you up.

Bin him

don’t let him turn around and offer to pay. He has shown you his true self. He is sponging off your children!

Bin him. Where was he living before can he go back this weekend.

He’s a parasite. No way would I put up with a man who refused to contribute anything (money or energy) to my home if we lived together in any sense and then also criticised how my children and I live in our own fucking home.

🎵cocccccklodger he’s the man, the man with the Midas touch🎵

In the nicest possible way OP, if you can't very definitely see that this is not OK, why not ask your ex who is now bankrolling your cocklodging boyfriend and his occasional son to stay in your house what he thinks?

Please, please act quickly to get this guy TFO of your life for even thinking he could doormat you in this manner. Before you know it he will have flaked out of his day job, declared "issues" that you never saw coming and taken roots in your home (true story as seen on here pre Xmas last year and in real life with my ex sister in law at present).

You're so lucky it's only been 6 weeks and easily reversible. Get him out and be a bit more discerning about future "DPs".

My ex continued to pay the mortgage when he left but we had a clause that, if any partner moved in, he stopped paying. Quite right too, why should he be providing a roof for some random bloke! ( He did pay maintenance in addition to, so he had no intention of forcing me to stay single, he just didn't want to support anyone else!)

I was completely shocked at first as I expected him to say, yes let’s agree on a way to split things evenly now that I’m settled in.

We then argued over it and he chose not to see my point that he is now much better off financially and I am worse off. That as a couple we should be sharing our living costs to make both of our lives easier both financially and with chores.

I reminded him that we had agreed beforehand that once he was settled in he would contribute financially and physically to help keep the house clean. He acted like I was mad for even thinking that was viable. Then thanked me sarcastically for my generosity of a daily hot shower.

I have been thinking about this nonstop since it happened and can’t believe he’s just done a 180 on me as soon as his foot is through the door.

Read back what you've written. Why oh why haven't you kicked him out already?

You know what stands out to me OP? You refer to yourselves as a “blended family”, but what you describe is absolutely not that.

Honestly, cut your losses and kick him out. He’s not contributing in time, finances, emotions… he is just using you.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

Yes. Also sex on tap. And I’m willing to bet childcare.

Yeah. No.

Out he goes. Today. If not then shut up moaning.

Its bollocks that you can move I'm with him and pay nothing btw. Of course he'd say that..

This can’t be a serious post? No-one would allow this to happen surely? 😲

How did you let him move in without clarifying this??? He sounds like a right cheeky fucker. Any attraction should have shrivelled up. I’d boot him out now. He’s shown his true colours and I wouldn’t trust anything he says now

Where is your pride .Your x is funding your new man .Who is impacting on your children his children's lives
Wow and you have to ask on here .come on

He laughed at you?show the fucking cheeky cocklodger the door
Do it tonight!!

I have been thinking about this nonstop since it happened and can’t believe he’s just done a 180 on me as soon as his foot is through the door.

So he does another 180 right out the door. Don't tell me you're going to put up with this...

OMG! Get him out. This tells you everything you need to know about him. What an absolute joke.

Are you madly in love with him? Does he have anything going for him?

Holy Lord, this man is taking the proverbial. The relationship is over. Off he goes.
Definitely no future there

OMG kick him out and even if he offers to pay when you do, its still a no, get out.

Throw the cocklodger straight back out again!

I’d be taking the day off work and while the kids are in school, pack him up, get the locks changed and leave his stuff in plastic grocery bags in the front yard with a great big sign saying:
”NO COCKLODGERS ALLOWED”
Then I’d sit in the upstairs window with a nice gin cocktail and watch as he slinks away carrying the grocery bags over his arms like the flaccid little defeat that they are.

Definitely this!

Turf the fucker out