He doesn’t think he should contribute to the household

[Onceuponacookie]

My boyfriend and his young child (once a week in term time and more in the holidays) have moved in with me and my two teenage children. Before he moved in, he said he would contribute towards the bills once he moved.

He hasn’t yet volunteered anything and it’s been a 6 weeks. He has bought a little bit of food for himself, but that’s it.

It’s an unusual situation in that we live in my old marital home and my ex husband pays the mortgage as part of our agreement until the children are 18. Obviously the bills and food and everything that goes with running a house are all still mine to pay. I work full time around the children but I also receive child maintenance that is generous and overall we have a comfortable life.

I asked BF what he wanted to do about the bills situation last night as he is now settled in. He laughed and said he wasn’t going to pay for me and my children as their dad pays maintenance for them and the mortgage. He then said he doesn’t really add to my bills anyway. He uses a little hot water and the appliances etc. he feel he should just contribute to some food for him as he doesn’t often eat with us.

Obviously since he has moved in he doesn’t have any rent or bills or household expenses or insurances that he previously had when he lived in his own place. He’s saving a fortune and my expenses have increased.

It feels to me like he has moved in for a free ride and to save some cash really!!

He doesn’t help around the house at all and he used to take me out maybe once every one or two weeks but that hasn’t happened since he moved in. He’s quite critical of any mess the children or I make and expects a very clean house but doesn’t do anything to contribute.

He says if we had moved in with him to his house he wouldn’t have expected me to pay for anything!

He talks about the future of when my kids are 18 and we move on from our home that we will split the bills 50/50 then.

Am I being unreasonably to expect him to contribute to where he lives and to our blended family despite my unusual situation?

I voted YABU because this shouldn’t be a consideration, you need to get rid of him.

Just to add, do this the day after his contact day with his child. No innocents should be caught up in this.

@Onceuponacookie how long have you been together?!

For me this would have been relationship over as it's quite clear he sees you as a cash cow. Perhaps this was his plan all along, but regardless he clearly doesn't respect you.

I'd be telling gin you've changed your mind and this isn't going to work.

“This isn’t working for me, i think you need to move back out”
should be the start of your next conversation

This.

Please get rid, he's shown you his true colours and won't change.

Now that he has clearly established himself as a cocklodger you need to release him back into the wild where he belongs, where he could be eaten by the wolves of reality as he deserves.

when people tell you who they are, believe them and run, now. You need someone to help you pull the cart not someone who sits on it and throws his burdens in as well while you pull it.

Remember, what this bastard takes for him and his child … he is taking from yours.

Unless he has a dick the size of France and an income to match id be telling him to jog on.

I can’t believe you even need to ask if you are being unreasonable 🤦🏻‍♀️

I do not believe this is real for one minute. Even the most desperate of women would tell him to cop on so soon after him moving in.

He can stay in your house as much as he contributes, so time to pack his bags and I would end this 'relationship'. Get a dog instead if you want a pet

He can get lost. Bin him, waste of space, immature freeloader.

You could try to negotiate, but you should not bother. You should end this relationship immediately.

also, is your ex really ok to continue paying for the house if you move someone else in? Do you have an ironclad contract with him?

Get rid he's a cock lodger. I'm sure I'm not the first to say it, so pls listen.

have been thinking about this nonstop since it happened and can’t believe he’s just done a 180 on me as soon as his foot is through the door

What are you going to do?

He's basically told you that he planned to take you for a complete mug from the start. Kick him right back out of your house, he's a cheeky freeloading twat AND an absolutely pathetic specimen of a man if he's willing to be kept by his girlfriend's ex husband. Eurgh. Like really, how hasn't your vagina shrivelled up?

Tell him to leave, tell him to leave tonight

When someone tells you who they are believe them. He is not respecting you or your children’s home. By allowing this to happen you are showing your children how to be a door mat. How you act now will determine their ability to assert themselves against being taken advantage of (or not as the case may be).

Does your ex know you’ve moved your boyfriend in? He might not be so willing to carry on paying the mortgage!

I wish it wasn’t… I can’t believe this has happened. I thought he was this great guy, very generous with me and the kids and as soon as he’s got his feet under the table he’s just suddenly changed his tune.

We are currently not talking as he’s livid at me for asking him about this.

I need to check that I can legally get him out easily. He’s on the council tax and that’s it so far.

OP it’s the weekend soon - time for him to go. How do you think he will react to being told to leave - has he got his own key? If you think he will turn nastier than he already has I’d get the locks changed so his key won’t work (or borrow it back / feign your own lost key and tell him you need it to get another one cut for yourself and then bag up his stuff while he is at work and put it outside) this is supposed to be a honeymoon period of moving in - I think you may have shared too much info on your finances - someone decent wouldn’t respond this way though - and he thinks he is on a free ride. Please let your teens enjoy their last few years at home with you before uni / moving out.

So you're going to be telling him he needs to move out again, then?

Your relationship doesn't have to end but your living situation does.

It's your house. You tell him to go. Don't think this is harder than it is. He has zero legal rights. In the meantime, don't take another penny off him but he goes tomorrow.

Go now and tell him to pack up and leave. He's told you who he is and it's not pretty.

Legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on! Don't sit there while the pathetic specimen sulks in your home!! Go and tell him to get the fuck out now!

Throw him the fuck out never to return. The absolute cock-lodgery