Husband weird search history

[Picklingpickles]

My husband has been away for work for a while.

We were fighting alot whilst he was away for various reasons. He was saying I was making him extremely upset, he developed depression, wasn't taking care of himself because of me and our arguments. He felt he was losing me apparently.

when he came back he was extremely distant and differnt with me. This was a few weeks ago. Hes being much more normal with me now and it feels like we're getting more back to normal.

But...when he came home and was acting so strangely I had a little snoop on his iPad. I don't know his phone code so can't check that. It didn't have much on it but it had some of his search history.

I didn't find much but I found a couple of weird things:

A search for "how to say I love you in arabic"
A search for "gorgeous meaning"

He is English...

I asked him about the I love you and he told me he'd sent it to his friend from work who speaks Arabic. I said that's weird. He said they always say I love you..just as banter or something. He said he can show me the message.
I said yes please. He couldn't find it. He tells me he must have thought he sent it but didn't in the end.

I have no other information. He's got locks on everything and I can't check.

I did ask to see his phone in anger and he did pass it to me. I then felt awkward and gave it back.

What are you thinking?
What would you do, if anything?
Do you think this is something?
What is it?!

He's having an affair, op. The Script has begun.

Even if he didn’t send that particular message to his friend, given its banter that they do, he will have dozens of other similar examples to back it up. Or it’s the complete bullshit that it sounds like.

Ooh that's a good point.
Maybe I should ask him to see his messages to this friend?

I'm 99% sure he hasn't met up with anyone since he's been back.
But maybe on his phone.
If it's in arabic I'm guessing he met her whilst away? Why else would it be in arabic
I mean that makes sense but why start an affair with someone you'll never see?

Sounds like he initiated the fighting while he was away to justify flirting/cheating. Maybe with escorts or online sex workers or something. So sorry

If I were you I would be snooping over all his accounts now & asking his phone code to use his phone for smthn innocent like a phone call or to play music
If he's weird about it then that's another red flag and I'd be back on the ipad looking in deleted history
Can't you view stuff on his iCloud account from the iPad. Contacts and emails and such

Or viewing his chat history w coworker to see their lad banter

If it's banter with a mate why has he had to Google how to say it? And why would he delete it? And why did he need to know the meaning of gorgeous?

I'd be very very wary.

Would he bother saying I love you to a sex worker?!

When he found out I'd been on the ipad, he wipes everything and has now unsynced it from his phone. Because he was annoyed I was going through everything and didn't want me to keep causing fights..

But why did he let me have his phone that time? Maybe he'd just wiped everything so wasn't bothered.

I can try asking to borrow it but that would mean checking it all in front of him?

The gorgeous thing was very strange. I mean. He's English. He obviously knows what it means.

My thought was he had told someone they were gorgeous, they'd asked what it meant and for some reason he felt the need to google the literal meaning?!

I can't see any other logical explanation. Didn't ask him about that one though

Because almost every person, man or woman, who has an affair, trots out the lie that they “didn’t think”. They did think of course, about themselves, about how they felt in the moment, about what they wanted at that exact time. They definitely did not think about the consequences, or the devastating effect on their partner or children or even about the future. I’m sorry op, but it’s standard shite.

It explains why he was so distant from me for ages.
And why he was trying to blame me for causing him to feel so awful.
Now if I found out he could say I pushed him to it..
Ohh I wish I had his damn phone. But honestly I think he just deletes everything anyway.

I need to sync his iPad back up to his phone somehow maybe. He doesn't use it. It's just lying on the shelf.

Well his very secretive with his devices so that's suspicious straight away. I mean I only know English but I wouldn't have thought I love you would be banter in any language ?

Yes very weird.
And to say you sent it and then oh actually I must not have?

Sorry, it really does look like he's seeing someone else and is looking to blame you if and when you split.
It's pretty unpleasant that he blames you for his depression. I hope you're not falling for that.

I notice that the first reply on any post like this is always, he's having an affair or red flag or leave him. I am sure it's all innocent and no need to worry.

It's a tricky one when there is no definitive proof.
Because if he is innocent and I keep asking for his phone or trying to go through things, it will ruin everything anyway.
But I want to know if somethings going on and it isn't easy to find out when he's so private

Short of catching them in flagrante, you've more than enough to be going on with.

Check what he's doing with the money and be prepared for the worst. Hide important paperwork with a friend or your mum.

Just don't let him catch you unprepared.

I am sure it's all innocent and no need to worry.

Sure.

It's ruined anyway. You've been snooping through his phone and you're planning to continue doing it. You have chosen not to believe his explanation and have decided he's lying. You don't trust him so you might as well start planning the divorce now.

But if it's nothing it would be stupid to wreck my marriage..
I've always trusted him completely but he's never done anything remotely strange before.
This is strange.

But if it's nothing it would be stupid to wreck my marriage..

But you've already decided it's not nothing or you wouldn't continue to check through his devices. If your husband is innocent and discovers what you are doing there is practically no chance of forgiveness as you have made it clear you don't trust him. Or he's guilty and it's over anyway.

"He was saying I was making him extremely upset, he developed depression, wasn't taking care of himself because of me and our arguments."

Sorry he just doesn't develop depression because of you, or stop taking care of himself. ?!?!

I would address that issue first. I feel he did this so he could then turn it around to say he found someone who cared and made him take care of himself.

I think he may have had an affair while he was away, and was being strange with you when he got back because he was feeling blue at having been forced to end it by coming home. Now, perhaps he's realised how stupid he was, and is trying to makeup for it. Of course I may have misunderstood your post OP, and if that's the case I apologise if I've got it wrong.